We’ve come to the end of Russ Meyer Month here at B-Movie Enema.
Over the last several weeks, we’ve gone from Depression-era Missouri farms to a sexually liberated Canadian girl to go-go dancers with an axe to grind to wild Hollywood hippie parties. So naturally there is only one place left to go… Nazisploitation. This week, it’s the 1976 soft-core sex comedy Up!
This is another of the Meyer-Ebert collaborations, much like with last week’s Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. After that film and its success with audiences and some critics, Meyer tried his hand a couple more times with mainstream films, but both flopped. He decided he needed to get back to boobs… er basics. Back to basics. He swore he’d never stray away from his formula again.
The release of 1975’s Supervixens brought Meyer back to the skin-flick and audiences went nuts with it grossing an astonishing $17 million worldwide against a $100,000 budget. Meyer, back in the saddle again, worked with Roger Ebert to make another sex romp featuring Adolf Hitler in hiding who was killed in a whodunnit style.
The film stars the luscious Raven De La Croix who we’ve seen in the boner comedy masterpiece Screwballs and the fantasy/revenge/action masterpiece The Lost Empire. She has been in masterpieces. De La Croix’s first flick was Up! She also holds the distinction of being what critic Owen Gleiberman wrote as being “Meyer’s most spectacular siren”. That’s saying quite a bit considering what he’s had to work with in the past. She had zero acting experience, but that didn’t seem to bother Meyer since she had gigantic tits.
Also appearing in her first collaboration with Russ Meyer is Kitten Natividad. Her part in this film is to simply play the narrator (or Greek Chorus if you will). Naturally, though, this is Russ Meyer, so she is narrating the film sitting in a tree nude. She came from Mexico and has over 70 credits to her name. She mostly has been featured in either skin-flick comedies or in XXX features. Some of her best titles are: Bodacious Ta’Ta’s, Thanks for the Mammories, Fresh Tits of Bel Air, The Double-D Avenger, The Slit, and Fags in the Fast Lane. She also has ridiculous breasts.
I don’t think I have anything more I need to say about this. So let’s order a big ol’ bowl of Nazisploitation à la Meyer!
Within the first 30 seconds of Up! we see Kitten Natividad wearing only knee high boots while sitting in a tree, a close up of her bush, and each nipple. Russ Meyer, you son of a bitch… I’m in!
She introduces herself as the Greek Chorus for this movie. While the credits run, we see a woman getting the ride of her life from some lucky dude in a creek. I love that everyone in the crew sound like a fake name. It’s almost like people 1) weren’t so sure if they really did want to be known for being involved with a Nazisploitation sex comedy or 2) fuck it, let’s just have fun names for everybody! For the most part, you do not see the girls’ faces in the cast. You only see their tits or various body bits.
The movie proper opens with a man whipping Adolf Schwartz (Hitler) while he eats out a woman in a gimp’s mask. He then lies down and has a black girl with an afro use his head as a pillow. While the guy who is whipping Hitler is dressed like a Thanksgiving decoration. Then the black girl jumps on top of him to smack his balls over and over again until a nude Asian girl comes in and ties his ankles together before sitting on his face until she orgasms. The scene ends with the Pilgrim lubing Hitler’s ass and his own dick and pegging der Fuhrer.
I positively love that I have now typed a paragraph like the above. I love doing this blog.
That was about the most memorable 10 minutes of movie I have ever seen. That scene in which the Avengers all came back in Endgame? Fuck you. I just saw Hitler take a dick in the ass.
Meanwhile, out in the woods, Gwendolyn and Sweet Lil Alice are having a fun little romp. That is until Gwendolyn pulls out the biggest damn strap-on you ever did see. Alice thinks maybe it’s time to reconsider their plans, but Alice just wants to get to work. While Alice says goodbye to Gwendolyn outside, and Hitler takes a bath inside, an unknown assailant enters with a piranha. The attacker drops the fish into the bath and it eats Hitler.
I feel like almost every paragraph of this review will be punctuated with, “Well, that was a paragraph I never thought I’d ever write.”
Anyway, our Greek Chorus babe returns to give us flowery dialog in her luscious Mexican accent about murder most foul. She gives us the rundown of our various potential killers. We have Paul, the guy who whips and pegs Hitler. There’s the Asian girl who sits on Hitler’s face. The black chick with the afro that whales on Hitler’s nuts. The girl in the gimp’s mask that lets Hitler go down on her. Gwendolyn, who likes to fuck her girlfriend with the world’s largest dildo. Then, there’s Alice who takes that world’s largest dildo.
Murder most foul indeed.
New to town is Margo Winchester (De La Croix). She’s doing her morning jog in a halter top and her boobs are about to fly out of there. She first catches the attention of Homer Johnson, the local sheriff. Next up is a goofball in a truck who apparently has a small dick according to her once over when he suggests he could maybe change her mind about staying in the town of Miranda. He tries raping her but she knows kung fu and is able to hold her own until he holds her under the water in a river and punches her again and again until he does an elbow drop on her. He rapes her.
When she comes to with him on top (and presumably inside) of her, she fucks him up. And by that I mean, she kills him. The sheriff comes back and holds her at gunpoint and walks her to her car. Naturally, he thinks she’s to blame for what he did to her, and, of course, she didn’t have to go so far to kill him. In actuality, Homer says that she probably saved the state a lot of aggravation for the state by doing away with him. He doesn’t plan to do anything with her and concocts a story about how the kid died.
For his kindness not to throw her in the slammer, she rocks his world over and over and over.
Apparently Sheriff Homer Johnson is apparently a little bit of a ladies man. He also apparently has a giant cock too. He pulls over the black chick that plays around with Adolf’s balls, and she gives him head to get out of the ticket while the rest of the town seemingly watches. I feel like this is a fun little town to live in. I mean, there’s that Hitler guy, but he got himself eaten by a piranha. Besides, I think he just wants to get a peener in his butt.
At this point, we shift to the town of Miranda. Alice and Paul are married and run a diner called Alice’s. They need another server, and Homer thinks that Margo would be best because she could probably sell lots of “hot dogs” and sure enough… She does. People seem to line up just to see her behind the counter. Alice doesn’t mind either because she likes her ass while Paul likes her tits. Paul would like to strap Margo on once or twice. She tells him about a place that she plans to go swimming, and Paul meets her there to… Well, just guess.
What I find actually pretty funny about this movie is that we start with a naked chick talking about being a Greek Chorus for our story. That leads to seeing Hitler get his balls whipped by a black chick and pays a dude $200 to fuck him in the butt and then to suck that guy off. Hitler then dies by way of fish. That was 30 minutes ago at this point in the movie. Ever since, this has become about fucking Raven De La Croix.
Now, before you go thinking that the story has forgotten about the murder, I will have you know that Kitten Natividad keeps interjecting about how there has been murder most foul. So she still is wanting to muse and tease a murder mystery, but all the actual visuals in the movie wants to do is fuck Raven De La Croix.
Some weeks pass and Alice and Paul open a new version of the diner that is even better than before. Meanwhile, Homer is gone out of town because some more evidence has come along regarding that guy who raped Margo earlier and his connections with Adolf Schwartz. After Margo leaves for work, the axe that is used by local lumberjack Rafe (I have more to say about him later) is used to cut the power to Homer’s house before it is discarded. At Alice’s new restaurant (which I think is actually a bar, but whatevs), Margo makes her entrance in a really sexy black dress much to the delight of the patrons…
Especially to their delight when she says that Paul and Alice asked her to make a speech but her style is less public speaking and more sexy interpretive dance.
Let’s talk about lumberjack Rafe! Rave is played by Bob Schott. Bob Schott is a giant dude. He’s also in one of my all time favorite schlock action movies ever – Gymkata. In that, he played Thorg who was expected to win “The Game”. He was very difficult to kill and he worked through other contestants like they were breakfast. He’s a brute in this movie, but up to this point, seemed fairly harmless. On this night, though, he’s in a baaaad mood. He comes in without his axe. He’s given one from the wall and he slams it into the table. He then doesn’t care much for Margo dancing with another patron while he guzzles Coors one after the next. He then lifts her up on top of the bar to dance for him before he takes her down and rapes her on the table.
Paul tries to stop this but he’s basically useless. The rest of the patrons seem to be helping hold Margo down so Rafe can have his way with her. Alice gets Homer on the phone and he comes to the rescue, but he’s not much better off than Paul. When Alice tries to stop Rafe, he rips her clothes off begins in on her. Homer uses the axe in the table and sticks it in his back. This does not stop the beast. He takes the axe and sticks it in Homer’s chest. Rafe picks up the two girls like he’s Donkey Kong or something and makes off with them in the night.
Now, somehow, Homer isn’t dead. I guess just like Rafe isn’t after having an axe lodged in him. Homer grabs a chainsaw goes after the big ape. Homer chainsaws Rafe and they tumble down the cliff to their deaths. When Margo embraces Alice in the sadness over Homer, Alice decides to take the opportunity to feel her up and make some moves.
Still, Kitty Natividad wants us to figure out the murder of Hitler, but we are no closer to completing this task.
Margo comes home and finds the power not working. On her way home, she was followed by Homer’s police car. When she takes a shower to wash herself clean of this crazy day, a woman attacks her with a knife. She’s able to get away and runs outside. She realizes the murderer is… ALICE! SWEET LITTLE ALICE!
Dun dun dunnnnnnnn!
Turns out, Margo herself is not who she seems. She’s a cop investigating the murder of Hitler. However, that’s not why Alice wants to kill Margo. She wants to kill her because Paul fucked Margo. She killed Adolf because she was jealous that Paul fucked him too. Apparently, she was fine having sex with her father, but… Oy vey.
Oh, and Alice’s real name is Eva Braun, Jr.
This is a weird movie, man… It’s not unfun, though. It’s madcap for sure. The whole revelation of the murder of Adolf takes place while Alice is chasing a nude Margo along a creek. Later, Alice goes full nude too and it’s just two naked chicks chasing each other. It seems like every single line changes the motivations and emotions of the characters. Apparently, also Paul was a secret Nazi himself because he liked what Hitler did for the world.
This is is a weird movie, man…
But I do love Raven De La Croix.
As I said, it’s a fun movie. It’s cheeky and funny and it has lots and lots of nudity. If that’s your thing (and, let’s be honest, who doesn’t like that sort of thing?), this is well worth 80 minutes of your time. Unlike Vixen!, which I didn’t care much for, Up! decides to not take a stand or try to interject social commentary, but instead just lets it rip. It would rather just display people acting (and fucking) like rabbits. If you’ve ever wanted to see Hitler take in in the ass, you can see it. I never knew how much I wanted to see Hitler take a D in the B until I watched it for myself.
This was not a bad way to close out Russ Meyer Month on B-Movie Enema. Next week, we return to the normal stuff. I still have some unfinished business, though, when it comes with what I call the “Final 6” of the scheduled movies that played on the beloved Roku channel called Bizarre TV. I’ve done all but the final two and it’s time to pick up that next one. So join me next week for 1981’s Nightmare!