Welcome to B-Movie Enema and the continuation of Steven Seagal Month!

And, oh boy… We’ve dodged a couple bullets already. Attack Force was a movie that was originally supposed to be about space vampires and was rearranged, reshot, and turned into a movie about a designer drug that gave people crazy superpowers that made them want to murder. Urban Justice was… actually entertaining. I enjoyed watching that one. There was a fairly straightforward plot and there were some moments I honestly had a good chuckle about.

But Steven Seagal Month moves into some pretty dicey waters with the 2010s. This week, we’re going to look at Contract to Kill from 2016. We’ve not only visited Seagal in his 2010s films before, but we’ve seen another of his films from the same year – Sniper: Special Ops. That movie was awful. In fact, I’d call it embarrassing. Seagal looked like he didn’t give two fucks. He was hardly in the movie that his name appeared above the title on the DVD box. He spent a lot of time sitting down with a high-powered sniper rifle on his lap while another person in his battalion was dying. It was bad. Like, bad bad.

Contract to Kill will likely be no better… or possibly worse.

This film comes from frequent Seagal collaborator, director Keoni Waxman. Waxman has worked on no less than TEN Seagal films or TV shows. He directed eight episodes of Seagal’s True Justice TV series in which Seagal ran around as an undercover cop in Seattle. I’m guessing, unlike Don E. FauntLeRoy, director of Urban Justice, Waxman put up with Seagal’s shit on set. Maybe he was a friend or possibly made better money working with him and Steve Austin in these shitty little direct-to-video action flicks than he could be doing almost anything else.

We’re well into the Seagal-as-a-bloated-lazy-action-star phase of the man’s career. Remember, we’re playing a game in which I’m counting the number of lines overdubbed by a voice double (or Seagal mumbled incoherently), the number of times he is seen using an obvious stunt double for scenes in which it is really not necessary, and the number of scenes that take place in a strip club. The first movie gave us 43 lines of overdubbed dialog by someone who sounded a whole lot like Kurt Russell and three scenes at a strip club. We’ve yet to have inappropriate usage of a stunt double. To my shock and surprise (and a little terror), our totals are still at that exact tally because Urban Justice was kind of reminiscent of a real movie?

The word on the street is that this film can be described as Bad Steven Seagal Bad. Like, he makes bad movies. No one has argued that for, like, 25 years now. Yet, there’s cheesy bad and bad bad. This one is in the latter category. Frankly, I considered loading this month with all movies from the 2010s from the Punchin’ Ball of Pudge, but I felt I needed a slow build to this gaping maw of terrible that I’ve found myself on the precipice of. It’s time to get balls deep into the really bad shit.

So, allow me to get totally liquored up, load this gun I rented with the bullet I purchased, and prepare myself for the back half of this Steven Seagal Month that promises to be a goddamn nightmare.

I have to say for Contract to Kill, there are a lot of companies that produced this movie – Grindstone Entertainment Group Presents, in association with Daro Film Distribution (who also apparently had to work with Lionsgate to distribute the film), in association with Steamroller Productions, an Actionhouse Pictures Production. Jeepers. How much dark ass money does it take to make a single shitty Seagal action flick? The answer, apparently is… A LOT!

The movie opens in Istanbul. Apparently, there are some bad guys here. I know they are bad guys because the palatial home is guarded by men with machine guns. Anyway, there’s a bearded guy who is mad about some other bad guys being hard to deal with. He’s bitching about it to this other bearded guy. Now… If you didn’t know this movie is already made for aging, fat, white dudes who are well past their prime, sitting at home tossing potato chips down their gullets and quenching their thirst with a cold one (it has to be a cold one because a one that is not cold is scarcely a one at all), these guys are speaking English, but they have heavy accents and, therefore, are being subtitled.

Oh, you gotta love that.

The two bad guys get gunned down by guys who actually do get subtitled appropriately because they are speaking Spanish. This is Istanbul, right? I said that’s where this movie kicks off. The first two guys are vaguely Mediterranean at least, and maybe Persian at most or something in between, right? Okay. But then these Spanish-speakin’ dudes come up and they leave their calling card which is one of those Day of the Dead skull things on a black piece of paper. It seems kind of odd to specifically have Mexican guys in Istanbul, right? I mean… Sure… Mexicans can certainly travel anywhere in the world they want, but it just feels like we’ve got vaguely Middle Eastern guys and Mexicans and cartels and palaces guarded by machine gun guys… Is this just a movie filled with a bunch of guys that frighten Fox News-watching Americans?

The scene shifts to Juarez. We see people being surveilled by a satellite. We see a line of army guys. We see people at the border trying to get in/out of Mexico/the United States. We then see night vision stuff and some army guys in a straight-up desert. But one of the guys in the tunnel where we see night vision, uh, vision is none other than our sweaty leading man who is barking orders at people to watch corners and pull the triggers and tie their shoes so they don’t trip or something.

Now, I know this is a dark picture above, but notice that this motherfucker ain’t wearin’ no night vision goggles. How is he able to see? Does he just not care? Oh… That’s a stupid question. Of course he doesn’t care.

Seems as though Seagal is in Juarez to gun down a couple bad guys. He, I guess, succeeds because he shoots guns and then we see the file of bad guys and it says they are deceased. It’s just as likely as Seagal shooting blindly without those night vision goggles and just reporting back that, “Uh… sure. I got the right guys. They’re dead. Cased close. I mean case closed!”

The movie then takes us to Sonora. Someone is watching the first scene of the movie on a tiny, shitty television. At least I think that’s what’s going on. It’s entirely possible that they have to throw that in during transition scenes because Seagal didn’t show up for a day of shooting the actual transition shot of him walking into this bar, but I digress. I have to digress because a comely waitress at this bar walks up and, I’m sure contractually, has to be touched by, and touch, Steven Seagal.

She’s probably, like, “God… I just need some groceries and make rent. I guess if you throw in an extra fiver, I’ll touch the guy.”

Seagal is talking to a guy and explaining that the people he went out and killed were involved in bad guy shit, right? One guy took over the operations of the other guy. One of the guys aided in the prison break for the other. You know, typical bad guy shit. The guy that Seagal is mumbling at is there to talk Seagal into a special mission. Seagal is some sort of DEA badass, but this mission is something of a special CIA operation.

Some guys got picked up along the way that were Muslim terrorists. They were also helping a cartel push some stuff, but there is a much bigger threat looming on the horizon. These terrorists are part of a couple different extremist groups and they are about to hook up with a pretty bad organization that can do much bigger terrorism. I think. Anyway, these are big time terrorists and it would behoove the United States to have these guys not exist anymore if you catch my drift.

Killing people is right up Steven Seagal’s alley. He especially likes to kill big fish in the world of bad guys. He wants to learn more. I want it to be known that, thus far, Seagal has been seen walking down a tunnel, walking in through a doorway in slow motion (both that and the tunnel were with the use of machine guns), and sitting at this bar being talked at. I’m also going to throw in a couple ticks in the tally for mumbles. He’s speaking these lines… sort of. At least it’s him. I know that voice trying to work its way out of a massive McDonald’s Big Mac coronary that he’s trying to hide from the director.

You won’t believe what happens to end this conversation. I shit you not, Seagal sees and hears the pretty waitress girl getting hassled by a couple drunk fuck boys. He tells the guy that he’ll go kill whoever he wants, just allow him to pick his own team and wire the money for this contract to his usual bank account. Then, a stunt double trots up the stairs (I know it’s a double because Seagal ain’t trottin’ anywhere), he kisses the girl who calls him “Papi” and he calls “his baby”, and sits down at the table. He then drinks one of the guys’ beer and then proceeds to kick their asses while sitting in the fucking chair and mostly keeps his eyes closed because… Well, actually, it might just be his bloated face. Those eyes might be wide open for Seagal.

I do want to go back to something I just barely glossed over. Apparently, Seagal is a DEA agent and, as part of that, he’s worked for the CIA from time to time. That means he is, ostensibly, a federal agent, right? Yet, he’s being approached, debriefed, and paid as if he’s a hired assassin. That’s not how that works. He would either be a federal agent or a contracted assassin. I don’t think you can be both. James Bond has a license to kill. He can use that however he deems necessary for the protection of the British Empire, but he’s not contracted for that. He’s still an agent and is paid a normal salary. He’s not paid to go out and hunt down and kill Blofeld. He’s paid to be a spy and assassin on the reg depending on what his mission is.

My first mistake is to try to compare a Steven Seagal movie to a James Bond masterpiece, so maybe I should just stop asking questions and trying to reason my way through this movie like it’s a normal, good movie.

Seagal goes to El Paso to interrogate one of the terrorists arrested in the dope smuggling sting he was told about at the bar in Mexico. He tells the guy he knows he’s not Mexican and that he’s Yemeni. He also says something snide about how the “current administration” at the time basically allowed him to sneak into the country. That’s a potshot at the bullshit line xenophobes say about Democrats and open borders. He wants this guy to tell him the one thing he didn’t have from the guy at the bar the other night – the location of the big meeting that will marry all these groups of bad guys together. What’s kind of amazing, though, is that just by talking at this guy who doesn’t say much other than some lies to cover himself, he then tells the guy he knows the big meeting is going to be in Istanbul.

What was the purpose of this scene? Was it just to get this movie to 90 minutes? Was it just so Seagal could be seen doing some action sitting on a chair? The guy gives him no information. Seagal just tough talks the guy and then he’s like, “Yeah, I’ve been in Mexico for a while now, so I know this meeting is going to happen in Istanbul because of this, this, and that.” So far, most of this movie has been relatively pointless and it makes me want to slit my wrists.

There is one good thing about this scene. We are sort of introduced to a contact of his in El Paso who watches over the interrogation – Zara Hayek, played by Jemma Dallender. She’s a stone cold fox. A couple things about Ms. Dallender. One, I’m sure she has to touch Steven Seagal, and he’ll probably put his lips or whatever all over her face, so I feel sorry for her instantly. Two, her last name is Hayek. Is that the suggestion that Seagal would have liked to have been in a movie with Salma Hayek for him to touch her and put his lips or whatever all over her face?

In the aftermath of the interrogation, we learn that Zara switched from the CIA to the FBI. He says not much has changed about her. She says the same appears to be for him. She comments that he is still wearing a Rolex. A Rolex, I might add, she gave him. She, I barfingly add, is the woman he says was the “finest girl he ever had.” He is literally, like 36 years older than she is. Fucking Christ I want to die.

He recruits Zara to be part of his kill team. They need to go meet someone and what they meet is dumb as fuck. A drone carrying an AR-15 flies overhead and blows up her car. When she turns around to tell Seagal that this certainly now has her attention, Seagal, at some point, fucked off and got back into his truck where he can sit down again. It’s truly amazing how little time Seagal has spent actually ON HIS FEET in this movie. I know it’s long been a joke about how he prefers to do action scenes sitting down, but in this movie, at least to this point, we’ve had multiple situations where Seagal is moving from one location to another, or from scene setting to scene setting, simply to do no normal acting business. He is just being shuffled from one setting to the next where he can find a chair, sit down, and do exposition. I can’t say I’m even all that mad about that. It’s actually astonishing how he does this and still makes money as a professional action man.

The guy with the drone is Matthew Sharp. He is the third person on Seagal’s team. Between Seagal, Sharp, and Zara, they figure out that the real plan is to smuggle drugs and terrorists through Puerto Rico where they just have to figure out how to get in. From there, they can easily ship out to any other part of the United States.

But then, kind of out of the blue, Zara talks about how people of true faith aren’t interested in violence in the world (yeah, right) which leads to Seagal looking straight at the camera and then saying some weird shit about religion and Genghis Khan and taxes.

https://youtu.be/RQNd41vYXo8

At least he admits at the end that the movie is like watching a monkey fuck a football and that the whole thing is a mess.

Before landing, it’s decided they need to get a car while they are in Istanbul. Sharp says that the main bad guy, Jose Rivera, likes to collect American cars. So Seagal and Zara steal Rivera’s bright-ass yellow Camaro. They drive it somewhere that Rivera is planning on being later that day. I guess he didn’t notice his car was gone. I also guess none of his goons wanted to tell him the car was missing because that would probably lead to the messenger being killed. Anyway, Zara is dolled up which can only add additional notice to the fact that she’s standing next to a car that looks just like one he owns.

Oh who fucking cares? This is a dumb movie and dumb heroes with dumb villains. I guess at least Zara is looking good. Do we really need anything else?

Well, let me tell you Enamaniacs, yes, it does kind of matter. Look, I’m, like, over 400,000 reviews now on this site. I’ve seen some really bad movies in that time. There’s a very fine line between different types of bad movies, right? You have movies that are wildly over the top. These are movies like The Delta Force. That’s almost unreviewable in any kind of high-minded way. Chuck Norris is going to come into a scene and kick your motherfucking teeth out, okay? There are movies like Space Mutiny in which everything is just wrong but almost passable. That’s not just charming but also something that makes it sillier at the same time. A fun bad movie is not always easy to explain, but it is something easy to experience.

The opposite end of that is something that is easy to explain. That’s when you have something that is clear to notice that the people involved with important parts of the production simply do not care. Steven Seagal is kind of the master of this not caring thing. This movie is very badly made. Seagal mostly sits down and delivers lines like he’s half asleep. Because most of his stuff is done while in a seated position, the editor realizes that him just dishing out exposition or receiving it would be boring as fuck if they don’t spice it up with some B-roll. It comes off as jarring. It’s an action movie in which there is only one action scene in the first 30 minutes where, again, while seated, Seagal beats up a couple guys. These are giant red flags that no one gives a shit on this movie. Sure, our supporting characters probably care. After all, these are needed credits on their filmographies and they can pay bills with this, but it’s so lame and horribly paced.

Okay, so Seagal has stolen Rivera’s car and driving it around in broad daylight almost as if to give a middle finger to logic. Zara is following Rivera, who is surrounded by goons who you might think would point to the classic yellow Camaro not 50 feet from them (in Istanbul no less) and think “Gee… that looks like the car my boss has. Hey boss, check it out! That looks like your car!” Rivera is meeting with a former member of Hezbollah, Ayan Al-Mujahid. Sharp is flying a drone around while wearing a black hoodie and not standing out at all. Seriously, the dude looks like the Unabomber and no one notices this?

Seagal gets word that Rivera is at the elevator on the 8th floor. He goes in while Sharp tries to locate exactly where everyone is. Seagal, shockingly, is physically seen walking up some stairs and two guys just immediately attack him. I guess maybe Rivera has the WHOLE 8th floor of this hotel? Why would goons just instantly attack him when Rivera is in a specific room? Fuck it.

Seagal sets up in the room next door to Rivera. Seagal discovers that this Al-Mujahid is there to meet with Rivera. Al-Mujahid is the former head of Hezbollah’s bomb makers. Al-Mujahid takes offense to him being sent up alone to Rivera’s room. He also takes offense to Rivera having his two main goons with them in the room too. I like how this movie treats all bad guys as rabid dogs. When Al-Mujahid comments on Rivera’s guys being there, the goons instantly want to fuck him up. Meanwhile, I feel as though Al-Mujahid would either A) not meet in this kind of scenario unless he thinks of himself as a bad motherfucker too or B) not instantly be so aggressive to comment on the presence of goons. Either way, everyone is very aggressive and near rabid in wanting to do violence and it’s silly.

Sharp botches things, though. You see, even though drones are a fairly common thing, it’s still attention-grabbing. Especially if you are in a hotel room, look out the window, and see the thing just right fucking there staring back at you. Al-Mujahid is immediately like, “What the fuck is that?” He tips everyone off to there being an obvious drone outside with an obvious camera attached to it. Rivera, like a dumbass, says this is expensive land and in the middle of the desert. As if that’s an excuse when he could also, you know, look outside and see the fucking thing too.

In addition, you’d think Seagal would be pissed that Al-Mujahid is tipped off to an obvious drone, flown by his guy, is spotted, but, no. Seagal actually wanted this to happen. It’s meant to aggravate the already tense relationship between these groups of rabid dogs who want to kill everything and everyone. Guys pull up and see Sharp land his drone. The guys look up and just see him standing there on top of the building looking down at them. Why would he allow himself to be so easily seen if the guys just looked up?

A couple of Rivera’s guys do finally discover, yeah, that very specific Camaro just being here in this area is most definitely the missing one that their boss owns. They see Seagal coming out of the hotel and ask him, “Hey, did you take this car?” They get beat up quickly because they stood in the way of Seagal being on his feet and Seagal being able to sit down in that car again. Sharp apparently did wear the perfect disguise because those guys find another person on the same roof wearing a black hoodie and nearly kill an innocent bystander. On the ground, he beats up a guy after he carefully packed up his drone.

Seagal follows Al-Mujahid in Rivera’s Camaro while Zara follows Rivera in a cab. This leads both Rivera and Al-Mujahid to think that they are being followed by the other. Seagal uses a voice thingy to impersonate Al-Mujahid so he can call Rivera and threaten to call off their all-important meeting. The scene concludes with a very brief shootout between Seagal and Al-Mujahid’s bodyguards before he carries onto the safehouse where he plans to meet Sharp.

Seagal calls the guy who hired him back in Mexico. There’s a bit more to this whole objective than what Seagal knew. Seagal is a little concerned that if he’s called off Rivera and Al-Mujahid and can’t act on what he knows now, they will seal the deal and partner up which will… mean… something… bad? Like, instantly? He did what the agencies wanted – find out where the meeting was going to be. His objective is now being changed. The real target was in the room and Seagal is to act alone. The new target is a terrorist who built a bomb that killed a whole plane of people. The new target is this Abdul Rauf.

So… Why did the first 60% of the movie happen? Who fucking cares. Seriously, with about 35 minutes left in the movie, the entirety of the plot is upended. He’s supposed to kill these two guys, but then he finds the two guys, toys with them, and then he’s told to send his team home and he’s to go in and kill this whole other guy. How does Seagal react to this news? He’s like, “Fuck that and eat my balls, motherfucker. I’m just gonna go and do what the first half of this movie said we’re supposed to do.” There’s some dumb fuck shit that happens to basically continue to fuck with Rivera and Al-Mujahid so they ultimately kill each other… I think?

Sharp leaves the safehouse while another suspicious car pulls up and is primed to cause some trouble. Speaking of trouble, inside the safehouse, Zara puts on some sexy lingerie and lets Seagal squeeze her tits and make out with her so they can have a gross sex scene. I guess after Seagal blasted a load of what I can only imagine being mayonnaise, he fucked off leaving Zara alone. Rivera’s men kidnap her.

This leads me to ask the question – “What is going to be the girl’s fate in this week’s entry?” You see, in Attack Force, the girl died kind of horribly. In Urban Justice, the girl told Seagal that he’s no better than the gangs in LA because all he wants is to kill whoever killed his son. After doing so, she was never seen again in the movie. So… What’s going to be Zara’s fate? Death? Telling Seagal to get fucked? Something in between? May I recommend some possible Stockholm Syndrome involving these guys taking you, Zara? That would at least get you away from Seagal, Zara.

Let’s find out, shall we?

I’m really hoping for the Stockholm Syndrome because it turns out that Seagal was in the safehouse the entire time. As the two guys kidnap Zara, Seagal was stalking about with a metal pipe. He brains a guy and throws him out the window while he watches the goons take Zara away. Where was Seagal when she got attacked? My guess is pretty damn solid. By solid I mean he was dropping a couple solid logs off in the toilet. There’s no way you can convince me Seagal wasn’t taking a massively nasty shit. He seems like a guy who would need to drop a deuce after sexing a lady. I bet he’s even the type who would tell the lady that just after he leaves her totally unsatisfied and in need of her vibrator to finish herself off.

On the way to Rivera’s, Seagal and Sharp talk about how this whole job was a setup and it was under their nose the whole time. For the THIRD time in this movie, we’re told about Abdul Rauf and his bomb that blew up a flight and killed all the passengers. Seagal was told by the guy who hired him, Beck. Seagal was told about him again when he talked to Beck and got new orders. Now he’s lamenting how he didn’t realize they were ultimately meant to go after Rauf to Sharp. We fuckin’ get it, movie. Abdul Rauf blew up an airplane and killed all the passengers. We get it that he’s the real target for Seagal. The entirety of the rest of the movie is pointless at this stage.

I hate this movie about as much as I hate life.

Long story short, I guess Beck doesn’t have the right intel and isn’t going to be able to stop Al-Mujahid and Rivera. Seagal tells Sharp they have to do the job. Sharp just says, “Okay.” Meanwhile, Al-Mujahid and Rivera meet, but it’s contentious. Seagal gave intel to Rivera about Al-Mujahid, but that information was meant to make Rivera think the guy he’s been working with wasn’t Al-Mujahid. I wish I fully understood the reason for the really stupid ass twist and turns here but whatever. I just want this movie to be over so I can never think about it ever again.

I can’t let this shit above pass. So, that screen capture I just posted is not an awkward frame in the middle of a signature Seagal slappy fight. Seagal, now at Rivera’s place to save Zara, walks into this room and finds this guy who asks who the fuck he is. Seagal knows it’s slappy fight time so he gets into a starting position for his Aikido. The guy matches it and they touch wrists like that before the fighting starts. I get that you do this in a training scenario, sure. Why would you do that in a real-life fight? What’s more, why the fuck would that appear in the movie? Are we supposed to think that Seagal’s opponent (who is not standing on an apple box like Seagal is, for what it’s worth) is honorable and just happens to know Aikido too and is planning on fighting fair? NO! He’s a fucking terrorist guy! Don’t show this!

Another thing to maybe not show is when Sharp says he’s got eyes on Rauf and Seagal says he needs to get inside and back him up. I assume he means right fucking now. We are shown Sharp gingerly landing that fucking drone of his. That’s a slow process. Again, the most dangerous bomb maker in all the world is on the move and your boss just said get inside so you can back him up (ostensibly to keep him from being killed). Don’t show him landing the stupid fucking drone! That really kills the action mood of the action scene.

Rivera has Zara untied to find out if she’s “more than just a woman” (whatever that means). She instantly grabs a gun, kills a guy, and starts kicking people all over the place. This causes Al-Muhajid to flee with a bodyguard only for both of them to be gunned down outside. Instead of killing Zara, Rivera’s men just capture her again and she eventually breaks free and starts killing people again. If this is the best the terrorists have, then I think we might be living in a pretty safe world.

Then again, she does eventually surrender to be captured, for a third time, and put in the back of a car to ride off with Rivera and his goons. If this is the best the good guys have, then maybe we’re not as safe as I just thought we were.

All of a sudden, Seagal finds Rauf and sits down with him. Rauf, who was trained by the CIA, says that he was actually ordered to blow up the plane. However, Seagal is like, “Nah, I can’t let you into the country.” Rauf changes his story and says he’s doing things for freedom or whatever. Seagal just shoots him dead. Rauf is set up to be this real bad dude. We were told three times what atrocities he was to blame for. He’s killed in a scene that has him and Seagal face to face for 30 seconds before Seagal just shoots him in the head.

Seagal and Sharp take on Rivera’s main goons who turn out to be real cupcakes. Zara starts kicking and punching Rivera. Sharp breaks his guy’s neck. Seagal smashes his guy’s throat. Zara eventually is overpowered by Rivera who approaches Seagal with a gun only for Seagal to swiftly grab the gun, turn it on Rivera, and shoot him to death. Seagal voices over some shit about how the world doesn’t need to know what people like him do or how they do it. They just need to know they are safe when they go to bed at night.

I hate this fucking movie. It’s one of the Seagal movies you always hear about. The low energy, low effort, shitty ones. Again, he mostly goes from one room to the next just so he can sit down and read his lines. Granted, I give him the credit of actually being present and on his feet when the big climax happens, but this is a bad movie. The movie’s biggest sin isn’t the low energy or the low effort from its “star”. It’s the fact that it is boring. It clocks in at 90 minutes, but it has to keep repeating the thing about Abdul Rauf as if he’s some sort of mega villain bad guy. I feel like that was just to fill that 90 minute requirement for one of the companies to distribute it. It tries to change gears on what the end goal of the movie is supposed to be, but even fails at that because Seagal is all “yeah, fuck that because I still want to kill these other motherfuckers.” I actually appreciate him continuing to go after the original bad guys that he was tasked to go kill. Some lines and moments just… happen. There’s no reason for them and nothing that pays off those moments. It just sucks.

Let’s check in on the tally board, shall we?

So, yeah, there were no strip club scenes. I should give him a couple points there because he treats the girl at the bar in the early parts of the movie like she’s a stripper by basically touching her, putting her on his lap, etc. He also honked Jemma Dallender’s boob in that really gross sex scene. But, that’s not what the category is! He didn’t visit any strip clubs, so we’re still at 3 for the month. I counted 3 instances of obvious stunt doubles when it was clear they either didn’t have Seagal to enter a scene or he didn’t want to do the coverage shot. Those are our first three instances of that for the entire month. In the mumbles category, I scored this as a 10. Seagal mumbles all of his lines. At least he wasn’t dubbed. That said, I could have maybe counted this far higher than 10, but I could at least understand what he was saying most of the time. That category, thanks to the post-production rewrite of Attack Force, still has a lead that I can’t imagine will be touched for the month as this week’s number bumps the month’s total to 53 instances of indecipherable mumbles and obvious voice double ADR.

I’m so glad we are out of this week and only have one more to go. We’re next heading to one of the more recent films in the man’s sausage link-filled resume with 2019’s General Commander. That title gives me no hope that it will be any better than what we’ve seen thus far from Seagal. So, join me next week as I just have to do this one more time without taking my own life.