Sniper: Special Ops (2016)

Well, well, well… Look who the great B-Movie Poop Chute delivered to the feet of this website. The one, the only Rob Van Dam…

Er… I mean Steven Seagal.

Yes, finally, it’s time for me to break the seal on some of the more recent works of Mr. Seagal. But, we’re not dealing with top shelf Seagal, oh no. This is post-2000, direct-to-video, deeply disturbing dark black goatee-wearin’ Steven Seagal. We’re going to look at Sniper: Special Ops.

I suppose I should also make it known this movie is made by schlockmeister Fred Olen Ray.

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Another Cinema Snob Movie (2019)

We’ve been here before, kiddos.

Think back to 2019. In March of that year, I ripped off five weeks of pornos from the 70s and 80s and called it Blue March. I knew the only way to follow that up was to feature a movie made by Brad Jones, the Cinema Snob. It was the only fitting tribute I could pay to someone whose content never fails to entertain me. To do that, I had to take a look at his 2012 origin film The Cinema Snob Movie.

Fast forward to nearly 3 years later, I just came off a month full of Tinto Brass movies and I have to figure out how to best follow that up. So it’s to you, Mr. Jones, to step up to the plate once more! Yes, it’s time to take a look at the 2019 sequel Another Cinema Snob Movie.

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Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2017)

Oh thank god… This shit is finally over.

Coming into this month that I dubbed something like Resident Evil Sequels Month, I was really, really, very worried about how my mental health would survive this. See, here’s the thing… The first Resident Evil is very awkwardly bad early 00s action schlock with zombies and monsters. I had major issues with that, but I could live with it just being a shitty movie. 2004’s Resident Evil: Apocalypse took that and cranked it up to about a 35 on the shitty scale. It was laughably bad. It’s bad movie night bad.

But, to my surprise things kind of went a better direction. Resident Evil: Extinction brought in a new look and feel, and I liked the post-apocalyptic landscape. Resident Evil: Afterlife brought director Paul W.S. Anderson back into the director’s chair after writing the previous two entries, but it was a bit of a step down, but at least not terrible (at least better than the first two films), and Resident Evil: Retribution was a better mix of the action schlock with sci-fi schlock and horror schlock. The last three entries at least proved the series could be somewhat entertaining.

But here we are, at the end, with Resident Evil: The Final Chapter. Why am I bemoaning the time spent and thanking magical sky man that it’s all over? These movies are all really quite tiring. I want to move beyond them so badly because I’m so worn out by the insanity that is inflicted onto my eyeballs and brain. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome at some point. Do I really like some of these movies or has my brain simply adjusted to their crap factor and I’m just letting it happen to me. It’s got me in a sleeper hold and just whispering to me, “Let it happen… Shhhh… Let it happen.”

And, frankly, if that was Milla Jovovich doing that to me, I’d be okay with all that is happening.

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Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

Oh, we can see the light at the end of the tunnel on Resident Evil Sequel Month here at B-Movie Enema!

Admittedly, it really was only the first two entries of this series that I struggled with the most. The last two haven’t been as bad. Afterlife did have some really goofy action sequences but they were fun to watch. But, here we are, the FIFTH movie in the series – Resident Evil: Retribution. This movie came out in what would ultimately be the 10th anniversary of the first film.

Interestingly, Afterlife had a huge box office take. After watching it, I kind of understand why. Again, over the top action, but fun and kind of accessible to people who want to see a little bit of gore, a little bit of action, and both Milla Jovovich and Ali Larter lighting the screen on fire with their feisty sexiness. This movie didn’t perform quite as well, but it’s kind of like saying that Scottie Pippen didn’t perform as well as Michael Jordan. This movie still made a shit ton of money ($240 million on a $65 million budget – the most expensive movie of the series).

So, let’s take a look back at what’s happened before we press forward, yes?

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Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)

Resident Evil Sequel Month carries on here at B-Movie Enema. I… I don’t know how I feel about this.

We’re at the halfway point of the month and I can say that while I didn’t like the original entry in the series, it wasn’t as bad as the second. However, the third, Resident Evil: Extinction, despite it being the worst reviewed movie in the series, surprised me in a lot of ways. Sure, we can debate exactly why Umbrella is still operating like a company when the world is apparently a total wasteland, or what they were still doing with experiments and so forth, but it was a different movie that mixed some good elements of Day of the Dead with Mad Max and so on. I approved.

There also appeared to be some glimmer of hope in the third movie’s conclusion that Alice (Milla Jovovich) is going to punch all the bad guys while Claire (Ali Larter) was going to lead as many survivors as possible to the supposedly infection-free area of Alaska. I like hope. I like the idea that there’s a chance the world can come back from the brink.

Let’s see how Resident Evil: Afterlife fucks this up!

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Kenneyville (2011)

This week’s B-Movie Enema article comes from our neighbors to the north. Kenneyville is an interesting piece of independent media. I am going to label it as a horror movie because I think it deals with some concepts that some indie horror movies of the 70s dealt with. However, I also have to label it as exploitation as well – for the exact same reasons.

Let’s dissect that a bit, shall we?

A couple months back, I covered the infamous depravity known as Bloodsucking Freaks. I explored some of the core concepts that lies under the surface of cruelty and violence toward women in particular, and, to a certain extent, elitist scholars. It’s a movie about a guy who twists brains and drives women to insanity to do his bidding. I posited that the movie featured a more violent side of sexual kink. A desire to dominate and control as well as the attractiveness of twisting a submissive object of desire. Bloodsucking Freaks possesses layers of making you feel icky.

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Virgin Hunters 2 (2016?)

Oh boy. Here’s the conclusion to Full Moon Fever II: Torchlight Diaries, and… I already have questions from just looking at the trailer. But we’ll get to those many, many questions I have in just a moment.

This week’s movie is Virgin Hunters 2. This is a sequel to a rather fun little mid-90s sex romp comedy that I covered already. That was a legit movie made for the top shelf of the video store with legitimate story, cameras, probably actors, and maybe some good jokes in there too. I remember that film kind of fondly. It was a simpler time in 1994.

But Virgin Hunters 2? This is confusing as all get out. So the movie supposedly came out in like October 2016, right? The Full Moon website says that. The back of the box says that. But the back of the box also says the movie’s production date was 1985. But the trailer looks like the mid 90s (which was around the time the first came out), and starring people of the time (more on that in a minute). Also, look at that shot-on-video quality of high end Playboy TV productions.

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Black Christmas (2019)

Uh…  So, how to tiptoe around this…  Um…  Maybe I should just dive right into the deep end for this week’s B-Movie Enema.

First off, let me say Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all my lovely Enemaniacs!  Next, this week’s movie, 2019’s Black Christmas, garnered a considerable amount of talk last year.  I don’t think I can avoid this talk, so I have to touch upon some touchy subjects.  I don’t doubt that all the people out there in the world who have come across this blog have a varying degree of points of view on social and political topics.  I’d be a real big idiot to think everyone who reads my blog share my exact views.  I suspect the same (maybe not the idiot part) should apply in the other way.  It usually doesn’t turn out all that well when people who go to a website begin making assumptions of what the author or content creator’s opinions on varying topics are.

That said, I do try very very hard to separate the creator from the content.  Unless the content is particularly bad or saying really harmful things, I have to separate that creator from what is produced or I’d drive myself insane.  I feel like we live in a world where this is becoming more and more of an increasing issue.  So, just keep in mind what I’m going to put into this article may or may not jibe with all your personal views, but I don’t think that should be too much of a problem. Continue reading “Black Christmas (2019)”