He’s gonna take you back to the past to play the shitty games that suck ass. He’d rather have a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in his ear. He’d rather eat the rotten asshole of a road killed skunk and down it with beer. Now, he’s going to be the focus of this week’s B-Movie Enema article, the 350th to be exact. I’m going to discuss both the man and his film – 2014’s Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie.
I’m going to get to the significance of this particular movie and the man behind it, James Rolfe, in just a few moments, but first, I want to circle back around to that number I just mentioned. This is the 350th edition of this blog (is that a thing – can I call a blog post an edition?). That’s hardly an insignificant feat. I’m going to take a few minutes to pat myself on the back over said feat.
Continue reading “Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie (2014)”
You know? I feel like it was only a matter of time before Madea came to B-Movie Enema. And, sure, maybe I could have started with the beginning of the MCU (no, not that one – the Madea Cinematic Universe), but screw it. It’s time for Halloween and dagnabbit, this seems to be oozing with potential to begin with. So, here it is… Welcome to the blog, Tyler Perry, and let’s talk about Boo! A Madea Halloween.
Damn… There’s a lot to unpack here, but I think we should do some seasonal stuff first.
October is kind of a special time for me. It’s the centerpiece of my favorite season, fall, and a month that I love getting bundled up with the lights out and watching horror movies. It was also the month in which B-Movie Enema was born. Way back in 2014, B-Movie Enema began, but it also ended shortly afterwards. However, once it was resurrected in early 2016, October has been a whole thing here. This month, I’m doing all movies that have a very specific Halloween slant to them. We begin with Mr. Tyler Perry and his Madea character.
Continue reading “Boo! A Madea Halloween (2016)”
We’ve come to the end, my dear Enamaniacs. Phantasm: RaVager is today’s feature and B-Movie Enema will finally complete Phantasm Sequels Month.
This one is interesting. I saw this at the Centerbrook Drive-In in Martinsville, Indiana in October of 2016 with a trio of friends. It played as part of a doubleheader with the original movie. It was the first time in a looooong time I had visited a drive-in, so that part was pretty awesome. It’s always fun to watch the original Phantasm. So that was pretty awesome too.
Then Ravager started. I ain’t gonna lie… The first time I saw this I was confused. I was not too happy about the movie. It felt really, really weird. In fact, I would argue that this movie, the only film in the franchise NOT directed by Don Coscarelli, though he did co-write it with director David Hartman, is maybe the most divisive one of the bunch. It’s got a lot of references to past movies, with even a returning character most would have no idea who she is if they hadn’t been watching the series recently just prior to watching this one. It’s not told in a very linear way. It jumps between at least two realities. It’s a strange movie.
Continue reading “Phantasm: RaVager (2016)”
Well, well, well… Look who the great B-Movie Poop Chute delivered to the feet of this website. The one, the only Rob Van Dam…
Er… I mean Steven Seagal.
Yes, finally, it’s time for me to break the seal on some of the more recent works of Mr. Seagal. But, we’re not dealing with top shelf Seagal, oh no. This is post-2000, direct-to-video, deeply disturbing dark black goatee-wearin’ Steven Seagal. We’re going to look at Sniper: Special Ops.
I suppose I should also make it known this movie is made by schlockmeister Fred Olen Ray.
Continue reading “Sniper: Special Ops (2016)”
We’ve been here before, kiddos.
Think back to 2019. In March of that year, I ripped off five weeks of pornos from the 70s and 80s and called it Blue March. I knew the only way to follow that up was to feature a movie made by Brad Jones, the Cinema Snob. It was the only fitting tribute I could pay to someone whose content never fails to entertain me. To do that, I had to take a look at his 2012 origin film The Cinema Snob Movie.
Fast forward to nearly 3 years later, I just came off a month full of Tinto Brass movies and I have to figure out how to best follow that up. So it’s to you, Mr. Jones, to step up to the plate once more! Yes, it’s time to take a look at the 2019 sequel Another Cinema Snob Movie.
Continue reading “Another Cinema Snob Movie (2019)”
Oh thank god… This shit is finally over.
Coming into this month that I dubbed something like Resident Evil Sequels Month, I was really, really, very worried about how my mental health would survive this. See, here’s the thing… The first Resident Evil is very awkwardly bad early 00s action schlock with zombies and monsters. I had major issues with that, but I could live with it just being a shitty movie. 2004’s Resident Evil: Apocalypse took that and cranked it up to about a 35 on the shitty scale. It was laughably bad. It’s bad movie night bad.
But, to my surprise things kind of went a better direction. Resident Evil: Extinction brought in a new look and feel, and I liked the post-apocalyptic landscape. Resident Evil: Afterlife brought director Paul W.S. Anderson back into the director’s chair after writing the previous two entries, but it was a bit of a step down, but at least not terrible (at least better than the first two films), and Resident Evil: Retribution was a better mix of the action schlock with sci-fi schlock and horror schlock. The last three entries at least proved the series could be somewhat entertaining.
But here we are, at the end, with Resident Evil: The Final Chapter. Why am I bemoaning the time spent and thanking magical sky man that it’s all over? These movies are all really quite tiring. I want to move beyond them so badly because I’m so worn out by the insanity that is inflicted onto my eyeballs and brain. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome at some point. Do I really like some of these movies or has my brain simply adjusted to their crap factor and I’m just letting it happen to me. It’s got me in a sleeper hold and just whispering to me, “Let it happen… Shhhh… Let it happen.”
And, frankly, if that was Milla Jovovich doing that to me, I’d be okay with all that is happening.
Continue reading “Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2017)”
Oh, we can see the light at the end of the tunnel on Resident Evil Sequel Month here at B-Movie Enema!
Admittedly, it really was only the first two entries of this series that I struggled with the most. The last two haven’t been as bad. Afterlife did have some really goofy action sequences but they were fun to watch. But, here we are, the FIFTH movie in the series – Resident Evil: Retribution. This movie came out in what would ultimately be the 10th anniversary of the first film.
Interestingly, Afterlife had a huge box office take. After watching it, I kind of understand why. Again, over the top action, but fun and kind of accessible to people who want to see a little bit of gore, a little bit of action, and both Milla Jovovich and Ali Larter lighting the screen on fire with their feisty sexiness. This movie didn’t perform quite as well, but it’s kind of like saying that Scottie Pippen didn’t perform as well as Michael Jordan. This movie still made a shit ton of money ($240 million on a $65 million budget – the most expensive movie of the series).
So, let’s take a look back at what’s happened before we press forward, yes?
Continue reading “Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)”
Resident Evil Sequel Month carries on here at B-Movie Enema. I… I don’t know how I feel about this.
We’re at the halfway point of the month and I can say that while I didn’t like the original entry in the series, it wasn’t as bad as the second. However, the third, Resident Evil: Extinction, despite it being the worst reviewed movie in the series, surprised me in a lot of ways. Sure, we can debate exactly why Umbrella is still operating like a company when the world is apparently a total wasteland, or what they were still doing with experiments and so forth, but it was a different movie that mixed some good elements of Day of the Dead with Mad Max and so on. I approved.
There also appeared to be some glimmer of hope in the third movie’s conclusion that Alice (Milla Jovovich) is going to punch all the bad guys while Claire (Ali Larter) was going to lead as many survivors as possible to the supposedly infection-free area of Alaska. I like hope. I like the idea that there’s a chance the world can come back from the brink.
Let’s see how Resident Evil: Afterlife fucks this up!
Continue reading “Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)”