Dark Age (1987)

We’re goin’ to a land down under where John Jarrat and crocs rumble. Can’t you hear Arch Nicholson tell Nikki Coghill cut? You better run, I better get started.

Oh yes, it’s time to return to Australia for one of the most well liked Ozploitation horror adventures! This week, I’m talking about Arch Nicholson’s 1987 giant crocodile flick Dark Age. Now, check it out, this was part of a two-picture deal with the recently resurrected RKO Pictures. RKO was a golden age of cinema studio. Their biggest claim to fame? Motherfuckin’ King Kong, of course. RKO dissolved at the very end of the 50s and returned in 1981 and collaborated with some of the major studios.

I’m gonna guess this and the partner movie in the deal with RKO, The Lighthorseman, were products of the post-Crocodile Dundee Australia hysteria that not only gave us a bunch of Paul Hogan stuff and Yahoo Serious. I think we know who won in that deal. Also, we had lots of Mel Gibson stuff in the late 80s, as he was one of the biggest stars in Hollywood at that time too. So, yeah, I can see RKO wanting in on that action.

So, here we are! I guess.

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Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

Oh, we can see the light at the end of the tunnel on Resident Evil Sequel Month here at B-Movie Enema!

Admittedly, it really was only the first two entries of this series that I struggled with the most. The last two haven’t been as bad. Afterlife did have some really goofy action sequences but they were fun to watch. But, here we are, the FIFTH movie in the series – Resident Evil: Retribution. This movie came out in what would ultimately be the 10th anniversary of the first film.

Interestingly, Afterlife had a huge box office take. After watching it, I kind of understand why. Again, over the top action, but fun and kind of accessible to people who want to see a little bit of gore, a little bit of action, and both Milla Jovovich and Ali Larter lighting the screen on fire with their feisty sexiness. This movie didn’t perform quite as well, but it’s kind of like saying that Scottie Pippen didn’t perform as well as Michael Jordan. This movie still made a shit ton of money ($240 million on a $65 million budget – the most expensive movie of the series).

So, let’s take a look back at what’s happened before we press forward, yes?

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Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)

Resident Evil Sequel Month carries on here at B-Movie Enema. I… I don’t know how I feel about this.

We’re at the halfway point of the month and I can say that while I didn’t like the original entry in the series, it wasn’t as bad as the second. However, the third, Resident Evil: Extinction, despite it being the worst reviewed movie in the series, surprised me in a lot of ways. Sure, we can debate exactly why Umbrella is still operating like a company when the world is apparently a total wasteland, or what they were still doing with experiments and so forth, but it was a different movie that mixed some good elements of Day of the Dead with Mad Max and so on. I approved.

There also appeared to be some glimmer of hope in the third movie’s conclusion that Alice (Milla Jovovich) is going to punch all the bad guys while Claire (Ali Larter) was going to lead as many survivors as possible to the supposedly infection-free area of Alaska. I like hope. I like the idea that there’s a chance the world can come back from the brink.

Let’s see how Resident Evil: Afterlife fucks this up!

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Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)

Well, look who came back for another dose of utter terrible batshit pain! It’s you! This is B-Movie Enema. I am Geoff Arbuckle. This is Resident Evil Sequel Month. This time around it’s the third installment, Resident Evil: Extinction from 2007.

We’re still with Paul W.S. Anderson on writing duty, but this is the last time that he would not direct an entry of the series. This time around, we have British director Russel Mulcahy. Mulcahy is probably best known to people come here to this page as the director of 1986’s Highlander. That movie is rad. Plus Queen’s soundtrack is amazing.

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Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)

Oh boy, Geoffrey… You’ve really stepped in it this time.

Welcome to B-Movie Enema. We’re glad you’re here. It’s October and that means the month of spooks and ghouls and vampires and the exact girls at Walmart you expect to be considering which sexy version of a totally unsexy thing to wear as a costume has dawned. This is our favorite month around here and there’s a deep, deep history between this site and Halloween. Let me explain!

B-Movie Enema was born on October 3, 2014. Those first five articles were all horror or monster themed to celebrate October. While 2015 was a complete wash, whenever there’s been B-Movie Enema, there has been an October theme (of sorts), and a special Halloween article. 2021 is no different! I’m getting back to a series I first covered back in May. I hated it. Bad. But I made the promise to you, my dear readers, and myself, that I would finish this series and I guess I decided that the perfect time was to ruin my favorite month of the year.

So, here we are. 2004’s Resident: Apocalypse is kicking off Resident Evil Sequel Month! And I hate it!

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Moonshine County Express (1977)

This is a bit of a wonderful confluence of things B-Movie Enema likes an awful lot. Moonshine County Express was a New World Pictures release, so that brings Roger Corman to us. Next, Claudia Jennings is in this and it’s generally accepted as one of her finest roles in her all too brief career. Finally, it’s the long awaited return of website girlfriend Candice Rialson.

That trio, and, frankly, those two lovely ladies alone, would be something worth celebrating. However, there are other facets to this movie that is quite notable. First, this stars the recently departed John Saxon. He passed away in July of 2020 and was laid to rest in Seattle in the same cemetery as Bruce and Brandon Lee. He had decades of film roles that included being in Enter the Dragon with Bruce Lee, starring in the original A Nightmare on Elm Street, and, of course, playing the werewolf in My Mom’s a Werewolf. He was a bad ass.

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She (1985)

She told me that she loved me, and like a fool I believed her from the start. She said she’d never hurt me, but then she turned around and broke my heart. Why am I standing here missing her and wishing she were here?

She only did me wrong. Hey! I’m better off alone. She devoured all my sweet love, took all I had and then she fed me dirt. She laughed while I was crying. It was such a joke to see the way it hurt.

Wait… What’s that? We’re not talking about the opening song to the 1967 album More of The Monkees written by Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart? But we’re talking about She right? Ohhhh, the 1985 post-apocalyptic comedy action flick starring Sandahl Bergman? Ah ha! I gotcha. That does seem to better fit the B-Movie Enema blog website than individual songs on random albums from, like, almost 55 years ago.

Well, shit… Let’s change gears then, yes?

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