The Birds II: Land’s End (1994)

Welcome to this week’s B-Movie Enema. We’ve got ourselves one of the all-time most ill-advised sequels for this week’s review. Yup, it’s the 1994 made-for-television shitbomb The Birds II: Land’s End.

If we were to start with the fact that The Birds II was an Alan Smithee film, you’d understand something kind of interesting in terms of the history of this blog. This is the very first time I’ve ever covered a movie directed by the notable Alan Smithee. The Alan Smithee moniker was a famous pseudonym given to movies in which the director refused to take credit. Basically, it’s for troubled productions and movies so bad the director just throws his hands up and disowns it. It wasn’t supposed to be a thing we outsiders were to be aware of. It was only after mainstream attention was brought to the pseudonym in the late 90s did the Directors Guild of America retire the name.

The Birds II was actually directed by Rick Rosenthal. We know Rosenthal for Halloween: Resurrection. However, he made a far superior Halloween sequel when he did Halloween II in 1981. Rosenthal has done stuff all up and down the scale of good and not-so-good. But he’s mostly worked in television and has been nominated twice for Primetime Emmys.

It’s not totally out of bounds to think that a Hitchcock film could have a sequel. Psycho II is quite a good film and Psycho III is notable for being kind of kooky in interesting ways. But, outside the various sequels and other things based on Psycho, no other property of Hitchcock’s garnered a sequel up through the 1980s. So, the thought of making a TV movie sequel for The Birds seemed ill-advised at best and downright sacrilegious at worst. Considering the budget, the quality of actors, the cheapness of how it looked, and Rosenthal needing his name removed and replaced by Alan Smithee, The Birds II: Land’s End takes the cake for having a pretty awful reputation.

Continue reading “The Birds II: Land’s End (1994)”

I’m Dangerous Tonight (1990)

Hello and welcome to B-Movie Enema.  This week, I’m gonna discuss something I’ve wanted to do for a while – Tobe Hooper’s 1990 made-for-television thriller I’m Dangerous Tonight.

Now, the easy joke here is to say that “I’m Dangerous Tonight” is something I’d exclaim after a Crave Case of sliders from White Castle, but…  Actually.  Wait.  That’s a pretty good one.  I’m pretty bummed I didn’t lead with that.

Eh…  Never mind.  There’s a lot here I could discuss.  You have Tobe Hooper in the director’s chair.  The fact this was a TV movie and not a cinematic release.  Mädchen Amick lookin’ gooood.  Anthony Perkins is right there on the poster…    Yeah.  I guess I can go with other things than a farty poop joke. Continue reading “I’m Dangerous Tonight (1990)”

Poison Ivy: The Secret Society (2008)

Man, I love girls dangerously exploring their own sensuality.

That’s just a simple fact.  It has nothing to do with this blog.  I just like it when girls get a little cuckoo over the bone.  Who doesn’t?

I’m also a big fan of the Poison Ivy movies.

That has a lot more to do with this blog – and today’s entry in particular.  Back in December of 2016, we looked at the second entry in this series, 1996’s Poison Ivy II: Lily, starring Alyssa Milano.  A third movie came out a year later starring Jaime Pressly.  For a little over a decade, the series laid dormant until a fourth film, Poison Ivy: The Secret Society, came along. Continue reading “Poison Ivy: The Secret Society (2008)”

Baby Sister (1983)

Phoebe Cates Month rolls on with our next movie, the 1983 possibly-sultry-but-maybe-not-tv-movie Baby Sister!

After Cates dove into all our fantasies in Fast Times at Ridgemont High (her second film role, and if you can just hold your damn horses for a couple more weeks, we will certainly be discussing the first film role), she was able to continue to work relatively steadily for the next few years.  Later in 1983, she would get another big-time part in the coming of age comedy Private School before returning to TV to deliver this cherry line in the miniseries Lace where she played a sex symbol actress searching for her natural mother. Continue reading “Baby Sister (1983)”

Confessions of Sorority Girls (1994)

Alyssa Milano Month continues on B-Movie Enema.  For our third installment, we hop over to Showtime to listen in on some Confessions of Sorority Girls.

This movie is actually also known as Confessions of a Sorority Girl as it was originally released.  If that sounds familiar to some exploitation fans out there, it’s because it was part of a series of made for TV movies produced by Showtime that acted as loose remakes of 1950s movies of the same title.  Now, a producer on this series of remakes and a co-writer of this movie is Debra Hill.  She’s best known for producing several John Carpenter movies.  So this is coming from a certain amount of talent. Continue reading “Confessions of Sorority Girls (1994)”

Alexander the Great (1968)

Holy hot damn son of a bitch mother fucker great balls of fire.  William Shatner AND Adam West star in this week’s B-Movie Enema, the 1968 made for television extravaganza Alexander the Great.

Just look at that cover to that DVD on the left.  Look at Adam West down there in the bottom left hand corner looking up lovingly at a redheaded Shatner riding a horse in his little cape.  In the bottom center, it looks like that Klingon guy who couldn’t stop with the fucking Shakespeare in Star Trek VI is in this too. Continue reading “Alexander the Great (1968)”

Captain America (1979)

You know…  I don’t think the skeevy guy with the folding table and all the medallions and the chest hair with the white DVD boxes with “Captain America Good Action Yeah” written in Sharpie on it was telling the truth when I asked him if this was the new Captain America: Civil War movie I’ve heard so much about lately.

The late 70s really did give it an honest go by trying to adapt comic book heroes in a grown-up way.  On TV, you had Wonder Woman and The Incredible Hulk. On the big screen you had none other than Superman just flat out killin’ it.  There were some duds like Isis and Shazam, but the successful stuff kinda outshined the bad. Continue reading “Captain America (1979)”