Cool As Ice (1991)

Gather ’round, kiddos. On this Christmas Eve, hear this tale of horror that was unleashed onto the world one day shy of a fortnight before Halloween in the year 1991. Yes, it was said that this creature would stalk only the flyest of small town honeys. It was said you could hear him coming as the wind would whisper:

“Alright stop… Collaborate and listen… Ice is back with my brand new invention.”

It is then, when you realize something will grab a hold of you tightly. It shall flow like a harpoon daily and nightly. Will it ever stop, you wonder… Yo, I don’t know.

You are now in the grasp of Vanilla Ice, and you will be Cool As Ice.

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Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)

Alright, we’re through the muck of the first 300 editions of B-Movie Enema. It’s time to roll that odometer over and get going on a new batch of 300. To get this batch started, I need to cover a movie from 80s/90s B-movie maestro Fred Olen Ray. To be honest, I think there are only about five or six movies of his that I could choose from to cover… and not want to gauge my eyes out. So, I went with the classic 1988 black comedy horror, Hollywood Chainsaw Massacre.

It’s kind of hard to believe I’ve never covered a Fred Olen Ray movie before on this site. One could argue that the man made stuff that is ripe for the pickin’ by yours truly. And don’t think that this movie hasn’t come across my desk and been considered before. The same goes for his other classics like Cyclone, Alienator, Evil Toons, and Dinosaur Island. Pretty much every single one of those movies, as well as Sorceress, which he produced, has been sought out and vetted to be slotted in one of these Friday mornings, but always kept getting pushed back.

Considering I do have enough of his films, I probably can just go ahead and do a whole theme month. Maybe I’ll have to consider that down the line.

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The Howling: New Moon Rising (1995)

Welcome to the astonishing 300th article of B-Movie Enema!

It’s been a long time getting here. What’s funny is that I think back over the last several years and I could never be able to tell you the movies in order that I’ve covered. If you named a movie, I could easily immediately say, “Yeah, I covered that at some point!” I find it very hard to say even the month in which I covered a movie. It all just feels like a blur.

I could probably rattle off more than half of the movies covered just off the top of my head, but the roughly 27,000 hours I spent watching movies, plus the time it takes to write the articles while watching the movies at least doubles those hours, has been a pleasure. Sure, I’ve seen some good movies, and, yes, I’ve definitely seen my more than fair share of crap. Then, there’s the crap that just takes the shit cake. Not many movies have made it to the utmost upper echelon of films. Similarly, and on the opposite end of the spectrum, for as many not-so-great movies I’ve covered, very few have sunk to the absolute bottom of the barrel.

To celebrate 300 B-Movie Enema articles, I decided to bring the pain. It’s time to crown a new “Worst of All-Time” champion for the site. It’s time for The Howling: New Moon Rising.

Angels and ministers of grace defend us.

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The Candy Snatchers (1973)

Welcome to the 299th B-Movie Enema article!

This week, we have something that isn’t too common a thing around these parts – a movie loosely based on a real life event. The Candy Snatchers is a 1973 exploitation cult classic about a trio of kidnappers who snag a girl and ultimately bury her alive while waiting for their ransom to be paid. We’ll go into more about the actual movie in just a moment. First, I want to talk about the real world connection this movie has.

In 1968, college student Barbara Mackle was sick during the 1968 flu pandemic at a motel in Georgia waiting for her mother to pick her up so she could care for her at the family home in Florida. Someone knocked on the door of the motel wearing a policeman’s cap. This man claimed her boyfriend (and later husband), was in a terrible car accident and was injured. Mackle let the “officer” in, but it was actually Gary Krist and accomplice Ruth Eisemann-Schier (posing as a man). The couple kidnapped Mackle and buried her in a ventilated box outside Duluth, Georgia while they attempted to collect ransom. After three days of being buried alive, Mackle was recovered after Krist left a tip with vague directions on how to find her. Aside from pretty bad dehydration, Mackle was alive and went on to show no other ill effects of being kidnapped. Krist and Eisemann-Shier were both arrested later, Esimann-Schier was deported to her native Honduras after spending 4 years in prison and Krist spent the next 40+ years in and out of prison.

While there is much more to learn about the Barbara Mackle kidnapping, one more item of note, Ruth Eisemann-Schier was the first woman to ever appear on the FBI’s Top 10 Most Wanted list.

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B-Movie Enema: The Series Episode #25 – Blood Freak

You’ve seen movies with people taking drugs. You’ve seen movies with hippies. Have you ever seen a movie where drugs turns a guy’s head into a turkey? That’s what this week’s B-Movie Enema: The Series is all about in Blood Freak!

Or watch it on B-Movie Enema’s YouTube Channel!