Teen Witch (1989)

As a kid who did a lot of growing up in the 1980s, it was well into the 2010s before I knew much of anything about this week’s featured B-Movie Enema, Teen Witch.

Now…  Back in the day, I didn’t live under a rock.  I kind of do now, but not back then.  I went to movies constantly.  Every other day or so I was at Videoland renting movies and NES games.  I was once “with it” and vaguely cool…?  Somehow, Teen Witch escaped my notice.

It’s probably safe to say that it wasn’t really “made for me” – for whatever that really means.  I was a 13 year old boy in 1989.  So a movie about a girl getting the ultimate wish fulfillment opportunities didn’t really jump right out at me like, say, fuckin’ Batman or something.  Now, that said…  I feel it likely that I would have probably crushed on Robyn Lively.

Let’s talk about Ms. Lively, shall we? Continue reading “Teen Witch (1989)”

Mutant War (1988)

Last week, I checked in on site favorite Norman J. Warren.  This week, it’s time to check in with another favorite of the site, Brett Piper.

Toward the end of 2019, I wrote about his fun, sci-fi, post-apocalyptic, alien invasion flick Battle for the Lost Planet from 1985.  This time around, let’s look at the 1988 sequel – Mutant War.  Whereas the first movie finds our hero Harry Trent first remembering a series of events that started with him hijacking a space shuttle to being stuck on a pre-planned, five-year course to finally returning to Earth to discover that aliens have landed and more or less messed things up pretty bad.  It made for a nice little movie that, at times, gave me real classic Doctor Who vibes.

As was the case with his later film, Drainiac, and, to a certain degree, They Bite, I appreciate the spirit in which Piper works with and his general effort he puts out for the movies.  I truly do get the feeling that Piper just likes making movies and he doesn’t take himself too seriously.  Good on him.  In truth, he mostly just likes doing effects and creatures, which is obvious in his movies.  That said, sometimes, you just need these little types of movies that don’t take themselves very seriously and just wants to entertain. Continue reading “Mutant War (1988)”

Don’t Answer the Phone! (1980)

It’s a new B-Movie Enema and, this time, Don’t Answer the Phone!

By 1980, there was a weird feeling in the country.  The 70s were pretty tumultuous with the Vietnam War and President Nixon leading to many feeling they can’t trust the federal government.  The entire decade felt as though the counter culture was putting their stamp on the new Hollywood, but that was about to come crashing down.  Indie exploitation was about to be scrubbed away by the religiously-charged, great white hope of the Reagan era.

One of the things that would play out for the next 20-25 years after the conclusion of the Vietnam War would be the psychological damage of the vets that returned home.  Whether it was by way of dramatic films like Coming Home and The Deer Hunter, or action films like the Rambo series, Vietnam vets played a huge part in many films.  But there was also a darker side to it as well… Continue reading “Don’t Answer the Phone! (1980)”

Vice Academy (1989)

I like to think of this subgenre, particularly in the 1980s, an American tradition.  Certainly it was nothing new to either the United States or other countries before the decade or even to this very day, but there was something pretty special about the American landscape of both horror and comedy in the 1980s.  It was the decade of slashers and Porky’s ripoffs.  But, maybe more important, it all falls back onto an idea I’ve discussed numerous times before – you had to stock video store shelves and late night cable TV time slots.

That brings us to director Rick Sloane and this week’s screwball comedy, Vice Academy.

Sloane is probably best known for his sci-fi throwback/boner comedy/creature feature Hobgoblins.  I’ve covered that over at Film Seizure on an episode of my weekly Monster Mondays show.  That was a movie I’ve seen a few times when it first made its way to cable, and several times when it was literally eviscerated by the crew of the Satellite of Love on Mystery Science Theater 3000.  While I love that particular episode of MST3K, I’ve always enjoyed the quaint attempt at a Gremlins clone as well as the general quirkiness of the mixture of a lot of 80s tropes that are at play in the movie. Continue reading “Vice Academy (1989)”

Nightmare (1981)

Welcome back to B-Movie Enema, my lovelies.  This week, we have a peculiar little exploitation slasher flick from the early days of the gory mass murderer days – Nightmare.  There’s a positively interesting story behind this movie.  However, this is yet another of those Bizarre TV watches.  It is indeed part of the “final six” – the final six films that ran on repeat for several months until the Roku channel disappeared forever.

In the event that you ever watched that channel or curious about these final films, they were (in the order that I reviewed them on this blog up to this point) Werewolf of Washington, Zombie Nightmare, Slaughterhouse Rock, and Doom Asylum.  The final film of this grouping, Slumber Party Massacre, will be my special Halloween article, so that’s something to look forward to, I suppose.

I talk about the defunct Bizarre TV because it really is what re-energized me to start this blog up again after I took almost a year and a half off from writing it due to a bad case of fuckititis.  If it wasn’t for me watching that non-stop, and for the dearly departed Mistress Rhonda tirelessly providing awesome horror and exploitation, I don’t think I would have been able to jump back into this.  So, if you want to blame something for this guy’s thousands and thousands of words of bullshit, I guess you can blame that. Continue reading “Nightmare (1981)”

Return of the Killer Tomatoes (1988)

I have something to admit…  Originally, I had Attack of the Killer Tomatoes slated for this week’s B-Movie Enema.  About 20 minutes into that movie, I quickly realized, there’s no way to do that movie in the fine tradition of this blog.  The reason was that everything about that movie that made it what it was, was in the jokes.

You had parodies of Jaws, Superman and Lois Lane, Japanese science fiction, bad dubbing on a Japanese character, tiny oneliners, lots and lots of visual jokes, a black man who was the master of disguise and often dressed as white guys convincing others he really was the person he was disguised as, and incompetency from government types and what have you.  It’s impossible to write about because it is entirely made up of those little moments that turned out to be greater than the whole.

So I made an executive decision to change to the sequel, Return of the Killer Tomatoes, and George Clooney’s magnificent mullet. Continue reading “Return of the Killer Tomatoes (1988)”

Doom Asylum (1987)

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, this post is yet another tribute to the defunct Roku channel Bizarre TV.  In particular, it is a tribute to that final six movies that played for a long time before the channel finally went away.  I’ve already covered half of the final six – here, here, and here.  It’s time to add a fourth to the list.

And wooo boy it is Doom Asylum.

When I first saw this movie, I had one of those reactions that you have when you begin to doubt reality and make you wonder how a thing like this gets made.  It’s the same reaction I had while sitting in a theater watching Cats.  You ask things like “What?” and “Where?” and “Huh?” and “Why?” an awful lot.  It warps your sensibilities until you just stare at the TV, mouth agape, and just sit there and allow the movie to have its way with you. Continue reading “Doom Asylum (1987)”

Slaughterhouse Rock (1988)

As I toasted last week…  Here’s to 200 more!

We begin that march with something that was a part of an end.  I have often talked about the importance of Bizarre TV, a Roku channel that ultimately brought me back to writing on this site and introduced me to many of the movies that I’ve covered over the last almost 4 years.  Slaughterhouse Rock was one of the final six films that played for many months while the beloved creator of the channel, Mistress Rhonda, was battling a terminal illness.  During that time, fans of the channel tuned in, day after day, holding onto the memory of the channel and Rhonda, but also hoping, maybe beyond hope, that the day would come that something new played and the channel would be reborn.

While that didn’t happen, from the ashes came Otherworlds TV.  If you have a Roku, I can’t recommend that channel enough.  It certainly captures the spirit of Bizarre TV. Continue reading “Slaughterhouse Rock (1988)”