Go to the grocery store. Get the meats. Get some veggies. Get some breads and the mayo. Let’s make dinner together and have a serious Microwave Massacre!
There are movies that are bad. There are movies that are REALLY bad. Then there’s The Apple.
The Apple was Cannon Films co-owner Menahem Golan’s fever dream of a passion project. Right there, you see it? You see the three red flags of that statement? First, Cannon Films. They were the schlock studio of all schlock studios of the 80s. They cranked out movie after movie of fodder that I could cover on this site. In fact, I have! I could very easily load this blog of Cannon articles week after week after week. It is almost unfair to every other movie ever made.
Then you have Menahem Golan. Here’s a guy who is fairly fascinating. He’s not a bad idea guy. He knew how to sell his movies. He knew how to crank out that schlock onto cable, video stores, and movie theaters – all over the world. The problem was that he didn’t have very good, completely well-thought out ideas. He had almost no concept of nuance. Anyone outside the United States is either an enemy or a weak-willed wimp in the face of terrorism. Chuck Norris shows up and kills everything, but, because some of those people he killed were indeed bad guys, he is right. That’s the mindset of Menahem Golan.
Then, there’s the concept of a passion project.Continue reading “The Apple (1980)”
We have ourselves a treat for this week’s new B-Movie Enema. Savage Weekend is NOT a well liked movie. In fact, David Paulsen’s made-in-1976, sent-to-Cannes-in-1978, released-by-Cannon-in-1980 exploitation horror is so disliked, I think it would be a good idea to see what some of the reviews have been.
First up is TV Guide: “A truly reprehensible exploitation film… Ultra-low budget and shot on grainy color stock, the film is borderline pornography, and the gore effects are extremely gruesome.” I’m not sure what the problem is here, TV Guide. Borderline pornography, gruesome gore effects? Sounds pretty good to me.
Next is Ed Blank from The Pittsburgh Press: “Incoherent and inept.” Eek. What else you have, Mr. Blank? “Sexist in nature featuring female characters who serve no other purpose other than to appear in various stages of undress and back up against walls and trees so they can be slain or tied up.” Again, what’s the issue here? Hmmm… Let’s try one more.
From Joe Baltake of the Philadelphia Daily News: “[Nicky, the gay character] is the foulest movie character of recent memory, enough to set gay rights activism back several decades… It’s still not clear to me whether Paulsen wanted to make a soft-core porno film, a horror movie, or a combination of both. It’s not clear because he’s failed at all three.”
Okay, that last one was pretty funny.Continue reading “Savage Weekend (1980)”
It’s the second episode of the smash new series – B-Movie Enema! This week, Dr. Geoff Arbuckle, B-Movie Proctologist extraordinaire, and his trusty sidekick, Nurse Disembaudee, watch the fun 1989 monster comedy My Mom’s a Werewolf!
Ah… The good ol’ U.S.ofA. It’s a sort of cool place, right? I mean, we are THE country in the world that most people in other countries care more about than their own. You don’t have to go too far into the rabbit hole of YouTube to find a Canadian guy, British guy, German guy, or a French Canadian guy to see they will release screeds and commentaries about the United States and what’s going on over here.
Then there was the 80s. If you were around in the 80s, there were a few things that you probably knew:
- USA! USA! USA!
- Fuckin’ Commies trying to take over our country and stuff.
So what better way to celebrate all of that than to close out the decade with a movie called Action U.S.A.? Continue reading “Action U.S.A. (1989)”
I’m a little surprised it has taken me this long to get to a David A. Prior movie, but here we are! This week’s B-Movie Enema is going to tackle Deadly Prey from 1987. There’s lots of interesting elements to talk about here. But we should start with Prior first.
Prior was born in 1955. In the early 80s, he made the movie Sledgehammer which has the distinction of being the very first shot-on-video slasher film that was distributed to the masses. In relatively quick succession, he was making films that would have limited theatrical releases, but had lots of life on cable and in video stores. Before making this film, he met David Winters (more on him shortly). Winters would finance a couple of Prior’s movies like Killzone and Killer Workout (both movies I’d very much like to cover here). After those films, Winters and Prior would form Action International Pictures (AIP) to release two more Prior films shot back-to-back – Mankillers and Deadly Prey.
David Prior often worked with his little brother, Ted Prior. Ted became pretty well known for being a buff action type star. Ted had roles in almost every AIP film that David was heavily involved in beyond being a producer. Interesting note about Ted, he was briefly married to a female bodybuilder who was part of the original cast of American Gladiators (Raye Hollitt aka Zap). Continue reading “Deadly Prey (1987)”
Sometimes you just need kung fu girls fighting a drug ring in their school.
That’s what what we have this week – Lovely But Deadly. The film was made by David Sheldon, and he’s had a pretty good, long career as mostly a producer or executive. This is only one of three movies he directed (one of which he was not credited for), but he does have some pretty good writing and producing credits worth mentioning. To start, he wrote the movie Grizzly, and its long-to-finish-sequel Grizzly II: Revenge. He’s been involved with the films Abby, Devil Times Five, Sheba, Baby, The Evil, The Manitou, Dr. Phibes Rises Again, and a whole slew of blaxploitation flicks. Dude got around, but mostly got around the behind the scenes side of things as he doesn’t actually have a lot of actual on-screen credits.
Sure, many of his movies deal with animals having enough of our shit as human beings. This time around though, he decides to take it back to school with a tale of a cheerleader, nicknamed “Lovely”, who decides to go undercover to expose a drug ring after her brother overdoses and a bunch of kids get hooked on the junk. Also, she knows kung fu. I cannot emphasize that enough. Continue reading “Lovely But Deadly (1981)”
Happy Halloween, Enemaniacs!
There are a handful of traditions on this website. The first has always been the October theme month of horror or monster films. That started with the very first five posts way back in 2014. When the blog returned from a lengthy hiatus in 2016, I continued the idea for October, but started a new, second tradition – the Halloween special post. However, to say that was started in 2016 isn’t exactly true either as October 31, 2014 was the original release date of my first Jess Franco review, the really bad Oasis of the Zombies.
Another tradition on this blog is to often mention the influence of the old Roku channel Bizarre TV. I talk about it a lot. It was, without a doubt, the primary influence for me to get off my duff after a somewhat crappy time in my life filled with loneliness and despair to get back to my one true love – writing this blog. Not only that, but it led to one last tradition on this blog. That last tradition was to celebrate the final six films that ran on Bizarre TV for months at a time before the channel finally going off the air forever. We’ve reached the final entry of those final days of one of the finest channels on the history of Roku. This year’s Halloween Special Post goes to The Slumber Party Massacre. Continue reading “The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)”