In for one classic Mystery Science Theater 3000 movie, in for another am I right?
This week, I’m taking B-Movie Enema to The Blood Waters of Dr. Z and check out this substance called Zaat that is used to make, I dunno… like fish monsters or something? I think it’s fish monsters. Anyway, Zaat has a bit of a reputation in certain corners of the bad movie loving world. Not only has it been riffed on MST3K but it was discussed by Red Letter Media’s Mike Stoklasa and Jay Baumann on an early episode of Half in the Bag. There’s something almost adorable in how silly it is.
But while it is kind of adorable in its silliness, it’s also oddly sterile. The story goes it was one of those regional movies made in Florida. It was produced by Barton Films out of Jacksonville, Florida. It’s the only film this company that mostly made commercials and industrial films ever made. It’s got that sterile look to it. It’s a lot of static shots, a lot of stock footage, methodical, etc. However, it starts to get a little kooky later on in the movie. In some ways, I’d even argue it has some atmosphere and look of one of my favorite early 70s horror movies, Messiah of Evil.
That’s right, guys, gals, and enby pals. It’s my favorite time of the year. There’s something to that time of the year in which things get a little grayer, a little colder, a little more rainy, and the smell of decomposing leaves filling the air. It just makes everything a little creepier and a little more fun. It all culminates with today, the spookiest day of the year – Halloween!
Unless you’re in the Southern Hemisphere. It may still be Halloween for you, but it’s also spring and things are coming to life instead of dying off.
But, hey! That actually kind of fits today’s featured movie, 1986’s Night of the Creeps! I’ll come back around to that in just a moment. First, let’s talk about Halloween as a tradition in these parts. Way back in the very early days of B-Movie Enema, the final Friday of 2014 was Halloween and that saw the release of the bottom of the barrel Jess Franco Oasis of the Zombies article. Then, in 2016, I did an impromptu Halloween special article after watching the infuriating Halloween: Resurrection. In 2017, it was another trip to the Halloween franchise with Halloween III: Season of the Witch. I cheated a bit in 2018 and gave Halloween day to Film Seizure was covered the new Halloween movie that came out that year, so on the 30th, I did the remake of Night of the Demons just days after doing the original. In 2019, it was the rock and roll horror Trick or Treat. Last year, it was the conclusion of of a very personal set of movies when I covered The Slumber Party Massacre.
Coming into this month that I dubbed something like Resident Evil Sequels Month, I was really, really, very worried about how my mental health would survive this. See, here’s the thing… The first Resident Evil is very awkwardly bad early 00s action schlock with zombies and monsters. I had major issues with that, but I could live with it just being a shitty movie. 2004’s Resident Evil: Apocalypse took that and cranked it up to about a 35 on the shitty scale. It was laughably bad. It’s bad movie night bad.
But, to my surprise things kind of went a better direction. Resident Evil: Extinction brought in a new look and feel, and I liked the post-apocalyptic landscape. Resident Evil: Afterlife brought director Paul W.S. Anderson back into the director’s chair after writing the previous two entries, but it was a bit of a step down, but at least not terrible (at least better than the first two films), and Resident Evil: Retribution was a better mix of the action schlock with sci-fi schlock and horror schlock. The last three entries at least proved the series could be somewhat entertaining.
But here we are, at the end, with Resident Evil: The Final Chapter. Why am I bemoaning the time spent and thanking magical sky man that it’s all over? These movies are all really quite tiring. I want to move beyond them so badly because I’m so worn out by the insanity that is inflicted onto my eyeballs and brain. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome at some point. Do I really like some of these movies or has my brain simply adjusted to their crap factor and I’m just letting it happen to me. It’s got me in a sleeper hold and just whispering to me, “Let it happen… Shhhh… Let it happen.”
And, frankly, if that was Milla Jovovich doing that to me, I’d be okay with all that is happening.
And, if I’m being honest, I need a break. This has been an emotionally draining month of adult entertainment from Jess Franco. Each and every one of the previous Severin released Franco films featuring the gorgeous Ms. Romay had something on there to say that it was the most erotic, most decadent, most debaucherous, most this, and most that of Romay’s career or of Franco’s one year period of 46 movies that explored sadistic, homosexual, and murderous whatever.
Every. Single. One. Of. These. Movies.
But now, it’s time for Shining Sex. This is about an exotic dancer (Romay), who is seduced by an alien from a different dimension named Alpha and her human slave. They come to learn about the sex. Meanwhile, Jess Franco is also in the movie playing a guy who’s all about the paranormal. It’s one of the few times that Franco went into things like the paranormal and science fiction. So, I suppose you can say we’re in for a real treat for this final entry in this theme month! But before we dive into the movie, we should probably see what Severin has to add from the back of their Blu Ray release of this exploitation classic…
Oh boy. Here’s the conclusion to Full Moon Fever II: Torchlight Diaries, and… I already have questions from just looking at the trailer. But we’ll get to those many, many questions I have in just a moment.
This week’s movie is Virgin Hunters 2. This is a sequel to a rather fun little mid-90s sex romp comedy that I covered already. That was a legit movie made for the top shelf of the video store with legitimate story, cameras, probably actors, and maybe some good jokes in there too. I remember that film kind of fondly. It was a simpler time in 1994.
But Virgin Hunters 2? This is confusing as all get out. So the movie supposedly came out in like October 2016, right? The Full Moon website says that. The back of the box says that. But the back of the box also says the movie’s production date was 1985. But the trailer looks like the mid 90s (which was around the time the first came out), and starring people of the time (more on that in a minute). Also, look at that shot-on-video quality of high end Playboy TV productions.
Alright, Full Moon Fever II: Torchlight Diaries is off and running thanks to last week’s check in with the Beach Babes. This week, we keep to the out of this world hotties with Cybil Richards’ 1996 erotic sci-fi flick Femalien.
Now, I want to say that I always think Cybil Richards is one of David DeCoteau’s many, many nom de plumes, but it actually isn’t. I don’t know if I’m excited or sad about that. On one hand, I’m betting Femalien doesn’t have a shit ton of dance scenes as she traipses across the galaxy and meeting new people and dealing with back pain. On the other hand, I’m betting there’s no bad jokes and shit.
Now, was this made on a slim budget of 27-30,000 McDonald’s cheeseburgers like so many of DeCoteau’s films looked to be?
It’s the first episode of B-Movie Enema: The Series! Join B-Movie Proctologist Geoff Arbuckle as he and his faithful companion, Nurse Disembaudee, as they watch the 1978 Italian sci-fi/horror/sort of thriller Eyes Behind the Stars!