Hot diggity god dang!

Welcome to another B-Movie Enema review. I’m Geoff. Nice to meet ya. Been here before? Yeah? Then, I’m glad you came back. This week, we return to the filmography of one Bill Rebane. We previously talked about his bonkers horror-thriller Blood Harvest starring Tiny Tim. This is actually his follow-up. We’re going to the redneck part of Wisconsin for a little Twister’s Revenge!

You know this movie is serious as shit because it has an exclamation point at the end of the title… TWISTER’S REVENGE!

Anyhow, Rebane was actually born in Latvia and came to the States in 1952 while still a teenager. As a kid, he went to school in Germany and was conversationally fluent in German, Russian, and the language of his parents, Latvian and Estonian. He learned English by watching American movies. I find that kind of interesting because it’s not uncommon for people who grew up in Eastern Europe to have learned English this way. I believe Mila Kunis also was one of those people who learned English through entertainment.

When he came to America, he eventually settled in Wisconsin where he started the Wisconsin Film Office. He also was the first filmmaker to use the 360-degree motion picture process. This basically created the Cinemax process and Rotascope cameras. He got to making movies too in which he had some pretty good success. The Giant Spider Invasion, in particular, was a huge drive-in hit and played often on TV. Rebane has had a really interesting life and professional career. It’s wild how extensive his Wikipedia page is for being a mostly indie filmmaker who made mostly low-budget and kind of schlocky stuff. To be perfectly honest with you, I could probably do so many more of his movies just by looking over his filmography. I can think of a handful right off the top of my head ones that are long overdue.

But, we’ll reserve more talk about Rebane and his films for when that time comes. For now, the topic is Twister’s Revenge! This is a movie that is heavily leaning on the popularity of monster trucks of the 80s. We’ll see exactly how far it goes to try to lean into things that should have made this movie a massive hit with younger people as we get into this movie in a moment. I will say one more thing about Bill Rebane as it pertains to this movie in particular. This is a movie that was made for less than $100,000. It’s shot in Gleason, Wisconsin at the site of Rebane’s “Shooting Ranch” where he made lots of movies and where others would come to shoot films too. There’s a look and feel to the good-ol’ fashioned hillbilly sort of atmosphere of this movie that I’m positive would have shown up on cable when I was a kid and I probably watched some of it. It’s got monster trucks. The bad guys are bumbling idiots. People are doing things that I could see very easily being done here in Indiana. It’s kind of a warm feeling I get seeing something like that is very recognizable and present from my past and roots as a Midwesterner.

So with that, let’s just get into Twister’s Revenge!

We’re tossed right into the movie with pretty much no setup or warning. Some honky tonk music starts playing and a guy is driving into the parking lot of a truck parts shop with what looks to be the makings of a monster truck on the flatbed being hauled by a big rig. You know this is the 80s right out of the gate. You have a guy driving a big rig. On the back of it, there’s that monster truck. He’s going to pick up parts at the parts shop and what’s the guy inside dressed as? A G.I. Joe character. In fact, one of his workers even calls the boss G.I. Joe. But look at the walls of his office…

You’ve got an uzi hanging there. In fact, there are multiple guns on the all. There’s a bazooka back there. Of course, there are license plates. That’s just an everyday type of thing in an office with wood paneling. Oh… Yeah, wood paneling on the walls! And, yes, he’s got pics from nudie mags on the wall too. This is what we called class in 1988.

You know what? I spent the last two weeks with small budget or TV movies that featured classy actors and trying to tell impactful stories. It’s damn good to get back to this sort of fucking insanity as represented in the picture above.

The movie isn’t even ONE MINUTE old!

Anyway, those three goobers in the shop that are working on another truck? They overhear our lead, Dave, talk about how he’s sunk about $200,000 into his truck. By the way, that is a fuck ton of money in 1988. Anyway, a third goober not pictured above says he knows who he can pawn that fancy computerized monster truck off on. They just have to steal it. It would certainly help get these guys out of the truck and car shop they work in if they can get their hands on that fancy computer.

Smash cut to a fair where there are games and rides. And, because it’s the 80s, there are also monster trucks fuckin’ up junkers. Oh and a whole hell of a lot of fat ass, cheese-eatin’ Wisconsinites. This movie is so Wisconsin, I expect cheese curds to shoot out of my computer screen at any minute.

So, yes, Mr. Twister is the star of this movie… or the MacGuffin. Either way, it is “driven” by Dave. In truth, it’s actually programmed by his girlfriend, Sherry. She punches stuff into the computer and it does what she tells it to do. One of the three goober bad guys is tasked to go to Sherry’s minivan and check out the computer stuff in the back.

While all three of the goobers try getting into the minivan, which Sherry locked when she walked away from it to see Dave, Sherry and Dave go to the midway to get some food. Dave tells Sherry that the truck really did just drive itself. He never had to touch the gearshift or the steering wheel. I do wonder a couple things about Mr. Twister. First, is it competitively crushing beat-up junkers? If so, aren’t Dave and Sherry cheating? Second, what’s the point of having a computerized, self-driving monster truck? What is the point of that? Is there some function of a monster truck, aside from smashing junkers, that would be made better or safer if it was self-driving?

Oh, who cares. This was the 80s. Monster trucks were cool. Computers were cool. Science fiction, self-driving cars are cool.

While Dave and Sherry are making sexy times, the three goobers break into the garage where Mr. Twister is kept and plan to rip the computer out of it and take it with them. However, the truck also has a modicum of self-thought too as it tries to warn Sherry that there’s an intruder in the garage and they are trying to get into it. Dave is too horny to let her see what’s going on and basically keeps her in bed instead of checking on the alarms Mr. Twister is sounding. Mr. Twister ultimately scares off the goobers by turning on a glowing, ominous light in the cab.

Dave tells Sherry that no matter how much computer stuff and love she puts into Mr. Twister, it’s still a truck. Sherry says that’s more than that. She put artificial intelligence into it. It’s basically learning to think for itself.

Meanwhile, at the local bar, the three goobers come up with a new plan… kidnap Sherry. Kelly is the leader of the three goobers. He’s basically the leader by default as he is the one who comes up with the plans and is the most intelligent of the three. Though, saying Kelly is the most intelligent of the three is like saying some poops are easier to wipe and clean than other poops so those are the best poops by default. The dumber pair he hangs out with are Dutch and Bear. Bear doesn’t know his left from his right. Dutch, while at the fair earlier, split his pants because he’s fat.

A few days pass and Dave and Sherry get married. Bear is watching and radioing over to Dutch and Kelly. After the stupidity of Bear not knowing his directions, it finally gets sorted out that they drove right past Dutch who is now in hot pursuit. The three guys struggle following the van Dave and Sherry are in because the goobers are just driving in circles and confusing each other as they try to give each other directions to go over their walkie talkies.

This movie is kind of amazing in the fact that it is BARELY a movie. I truly believe there wasn’t much of a script, especially for Kelly, Dutch, and Bear. I feel like this movie had an outline of a script/plot. Then, just before the cameras rolled, Rebane told everyone what he wants them to talk about. There’s no way much of the dialog used in this movie was actually in the screenplay. I would have to think they just sort of pieced this together. With the other Bill Rebane movies I’ve seen, The Giant Spider Invasion and Blood Harvest, there were fully realized ideas in the movie. And even if either movie’s premise wasn’t that great, at least you feel like there’s a whole ass script.

This movie kind of feels like drunken notes were scribbled into a stack of napkins. Then Rebane handed the stack of napkins to someone who would be able to write it into something that would act as a concept of an outline. Then, due to a shitty relay, that guy dropped the napkins. By the time he picked them all up, they were woefully out of order, but Rebane looked at the pile of napkins, shrugged, and said, “Eh… Whatever. Let’s go make a movie!”

Alright, so Kelly and crew planned to kidnap Sherry after she and Dave got married. The problem is, they had to follow a maroon van with a gray stripe on it and they got so turned around when they finally found the maroon van with a silver stripe on it and set a trap for the newlyweds, they accidentally lured an elderly couple into their trap because they also drive the exact same van. They slash one of the tires and then try to stick the old couple up, but it goes so insanely bad, the old lady crushes Bear’s nuts with her purse, and three goobers just decide to leave.

Eventually, Kelly, Bear, and Dutch do find the right van as it was parked for the newlyweds could fuck in the back of the van. The goobers break in and a struggle breaks out. Dave gets knocked out as the three goobers chase after Sherry. After some other Scooby Doo-level misdirection and people running past each other in the dark woods, Dutch eventually catches Sherry.

With Sherry now captured, Kelly wants to get a ransom note written to get what they want from Dave. They leave the note on Mr. Twister back at the garage saying they want a million bucks for Sherry. Dave does not have a million bucks. It’s a well-known fact that there are no millionaires in Wisconsin. The only thing that has a million bucks in all of Wisconsin is the cheese industry… And Mr. Miller Beer. That’s it. Those are the only two people who have a million bucks in the whoooole state.

Anyway, Mr. Twister starts talking to Dave. Mr. Twister starts giving Dave advice about what to do next. Mr. Twister says that, based on his experience, almost all humans have some sense of humanity and sympathy. So, the truck recommends Dave go to the Tanglewood Bar to talk to these goobers’ friends to elicit sympathy and possibly get help getting Sherry back. He knows about the bar because he found a matchbook from the bar next to where he was knocked out. Dave goes into the bar and he’s immediately the square. He’s thrown through the door and out of the bar by some of the more rowdy guys… Guys, I might add, wearing World War II German army helmets.

Anyway, when Dave is tossed out of the bar by the rowdy patrons, Mr. Twister comes to the rescue by doing what it can do best – crushing one of the guys’ cars. Later, Dave makes a point that maybe this is how Mr. Twister can best help him. Now, speaking of Wisconsinites… After Dave goes back to the garage to get a shotgun to tell the bar patrons he means business, we see two of the most Wisconsin things ever.

First, this is the entertainment that seems to just kind of happen randomly at this bar on any given night…

And this is the bartender…

I really want to hang out with Man-Bat and find out what’s the story with him wearing that while on the job. I’m not sure this is a movie. I think it might just be an official Wisconsin Tourism Board advertisement. Listen… I’m not making fun of Wisconsin. Shiiit. I kinda want to go to see the out in the middle part, you know the big bulbous part of the state, you can get into a lot of shenanigans like this movie seems to be promising. I guarantee you the Pabst, Old Milwaukee, and Old Style flow like mighty rivers out there. I’m kinda into it.

Dave returns to the bar and, at gunpoint, gets information from one of the guys who tossed him out earlier. Now knowing who took Sherry, he goes to her father’s place. Her father also got the same note. He wants to simply pay the ransom to get her back. Dave says that won’t do anything because they would just kill her to silence a witness. I agree with Dave for two reasons. Reason the first, I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to pay a ransom. I’m not sure if they’d kill her, but paying it is not usually what’s recommended. Numero two-o, I want to see the promised revenge that will be played out by way of the monster truck, Mr. Twister.

And the very next morning, we get right to that promised revenge! Dave and Mr. Twister follow Bear who is headed out to his girlfriend’s house. Well, I say it’s a house, but it’s actually a shack. She’s all dolled-up because it’s Friday night and that’s the night he has sex with her. This movie is doing nothing to rehabilitate any of those prior jokes I made about Wisconsin.

I do like that Mr. Twister was closely following Bear until he was able to take a turn that neither Mr. Twister nor Dave saw. So he temporarily got away because Mr. Twister took the wrong fork in the road. When we catch back up with our heroes, Mr. Twister is explaining to Dave that there was a 50% chance he would have been right, so… It’s not entirely a stupid decision he made. It’s pretty great.

Anyway, I think Bear and his girlfriend, and definitely the chickens she had in the coop right next to her house, are dead.

Nah, I’m kidding. He flattens the lady’s shack, but she emerges from under the rubble and runs away as Mr. Twister follows her through a field. Bear also emerges from out from under the rubble too. I do like that the redhead’s dress is so skimpy and tiny that as she is running for her fucking life while a real monster truck is chasing closely behind, her tits are falling out of her dress and everything. Again, this is Wisconsin.

Also, I really did fear for that lady’s life. That was really happening. She was running away from a gigantic truck that I’m not positive would have been able to see her if she tripped or fell down as it was bearing down on her. She eventually gets away and now it’s Bear’s turn to potentially become an on-set tragedy a la Twilight Zone the Movie.

By the way, there’s like 45 minutes left in the movie by the time this scene starts. This is the vast majority of the remaining runtime. Bear tries to tell Dutch and Kelly what happened to him and his girlfriend’s shack. They don’t believe anything he’s saying. Instead, they send him to feed Sherry. He tries giving her some Sour Cream and Onion potato chips and a beer, but she doesn’t take it. Trying to be nice to her, Bear unties her under one condition – she doesn’t run away. He unties her legs and she kicks him in the dick.

That’s what we’re dealing with in this movie. Sherry is gonna kick Bear in the dick when she has a chance. He was also the one who took the old lady’s purse in the balls too. At the end of that chase, he hid in the outhouse, but when Mr. Twister wrecked that, he was in the hole with all the poop. This is true cinema, folks.

The next of the trio Mr. Twister and Dave go after is Kelly. Kelly is having lunch with his parents when they notice someone with “one of them giant Japanese cars” was coming their way. Kelly starts a shootout with Dave before a tank of flammable gas leaks that Dave uses to blow up Kelly’s car AND his parents’ house. All the while, Bear’s girlfriend is still running away from Mr. Twister.

Kelly figures out quickly what’s going on here. First, it was Bear, then it was Kelly… That means only one thing. Dutch is next for Dave and Mr. Twister to chase after. Kelly decides to set a trap. Basically, use Dutch as bait to lure Mr. Twister into a field where Bear will shoot at the monster truck with their boss’ bazooka. They fail to hit Mr. Twister. But when Dutch’s car catches fire and he has to abandon it, Bear, telling Kelly he feels like Rambo, accidentally fires off the bazooka and blows Dutch’s car to smithereens. Now, out in the open, the trio is chased by Mr. Twister to fast piano music and sped-up, Monkees-style running away action.

Dave has to take Mr. Twister back to the garage to clear out the truck’s radiator grill after a day full of revenge. They have this scene where Dave talks about how all of Twister’s plans have failed. He wants to try something new. But while he was working on Mr. Twister to prevent him from overheating, Mr. Twister had some thoughts about what to do next. He reminds Dave what happened to Dutch and Kelly’s cars earlier.

So jump cut to the junkyard where Mr. Twister is, once again, confronting the three goobers. The truck is smashing junked cars while Dutch hides and Kelly and Bear are shooting the bazooka. No idea how everyone got here all at once, or if this is just Dave following them to where they work which is also the place he gets all his parts for his trucks and what have you.

Terry suggests they need their boss’ big toy. He sends Bear to go get this big toy and what does he come back with? A fuckin’ tank! We have Dutch hiding in an icebox that has something on top of the lid that is preventing him from getting out. Terry is hiding in the trunk of a junked car. Bear is driving the M60 tank. Bear accidentally runs over the car that Kelly’s hiding in which traps him.

Dave is the first to find Kelly who gives him the location of where they are keeping Sherry. But before Dave and Mr. Twister can get to Sherry, the tank and Mr. Twister must have their big battle. I ain’t gonna lie, it’s mostly just a tank driving around a junkyard in Wisconsin and shooting at Mr. Twister who is also crushing the junked cars. That is until Mr. Twister and Dave escape the junkyard where a parade is now going on downtown. He blends in as well as the goobers in their tank.

Though, I ain’t gonna lie… If either the tank OR Mr. Twister rolls over this fucking float, this will be the best movie ever made.

Look, I have no particular animosity toward Donald Duck. None whatsoever in fact! But, let’s face it. That’s a whole float of MULTIPLE Donald Ducks. I want the pandemonium of either a monster truck or a Korean War-era tank rolling rolling over a float full to the brim with Donald Ducks.

But, alas, no crushing of multiple Donald Ducks. They get out into the street of this Wisconsin town where the tank smashes into and destroys a house. Mr. Twister rolls through the backyard of one of the residents and smashes the guy’s pool. Meanwhile, through the town, that redheaded lady is still running away from Mr. Twister.

I was not kidding when I said nearly the entirety of the second half of the movie is just mayhem and smashing things and chases. While Kelly hunts Mr. Twister in that tank they are driving around, Mr. Twister uses its ability to climb up steep inclines to hide from the tank. Either way, it’s a whole lot of driving stunts and smashing things. It’s not contributing anything to the plot, but damn if it’s not fun. This movie is touching the inner child in me that loves looking at something make an absolute pile of rubbish and this does it in fuckin’ spades

Dutch has wired the mine shaft that Sherry is being held in to explode at a particular time. Dave gets to her just in time to pull her out. When Kelly and Bear go to get the girl thinking they’ve arrived before Dave, they go into the mineshaft just before it explodes. While Bear and Kelly survive, because this movie is a literal cartoon come to life, they lament being outsmarted and overmatched by Dave and Mr. Twister. Sherry is happily reunited with Dave.

Meanwhile, months later in winter…

Is Twister’s Revenge! any good? Oh, Jesus fuck, no. No, it is a very bad movie. Is it a fun bad? You bet your bippy it is. As I previously mentioned just a moment ago, it pleases the inner child inside me. There is something charming and incredibly watchable about this movie. This wasn’t made with any state-of-the-art technology for 1988. The actors are definitely all locals and some of them aren’t particularly good. It’s such a simple plot. Hillbillies want to get the technology in a self-aware, talking artificially intelligent monster truck. Failing to do that, they kidnap the girl who programmed everything and hold her for ransom. From that point forward, it’s monster truck and tank mayhem.

That’s just charming. It’s got that feel of Bill Rebane just saying, “Alright everyone, let’s go put on a fun show for the folks!” I will say one thing about Rebane too. No one else makes movies that look and feel as they do. I love The Giant Spider Invasion. I found Blood Harvest to be endlessly fascinating to watch. And this one is also another silly one that I recommend you put on your list for your next Bad Movie Night with your buddies. It’s almost above reproach in terms of a critical review of the movie. It’s just what it is and pretty much from the first frame of the movie it’s telling you it’s a silly movie and not trying at all to be anything to be held to any standard. It’s just entertainment.

That does it for this week’s review. Next time around, we go to the mid-70s for an exploitation drama about two friends and the girl that is in between them. Join me next Friday for a review of Best Friends starring Richard Hatch. Until then, I’m gonna get me a heaping pile of cheese curds, a case of Old Style, and doing things the Wisconsin way tonight!