Welcome to the final entry in B-Movie Enema’s Pia Zadora Month.

1984’s Voyage of the Rock Aliens, believe it or not, pretty much ended Pia Zadora’s film career. There are still a few film credits in the ten years following this movie, but in only one of those did she ever play a character. That came in John Waters’ 1989 camp musical Hairspray where she played a “Beatnik Chick”. The other three film credits were all playing herself. Perhaps the most notable of those films in which she appeared as herself was in 1994’s Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult.

Fittingly, in that, she is performing at the Academy Awards.

Voyage of the Rock Aliens might have just been the right movie for her to have truly had a chance as a star of film if I’m being honest. This is a movie that knows what it is – a silly, sci-fi spoof akin to the camp stuff being released in the 50s. James Guidotti, originally conceived of the story (titled Attack of the Aliens at that time). It was, for certain, always meant to be a campy parody. He talked about coming up with what he thought would make for this fun parody as if you were to switch around to various stations at the time and looking at the various late night movies they were airing. One channel might have alien invaders. Another might have a slasher killer. Another might be a beach party Frankie and Annette type of flick, etc. He thought he could kind of put it all together into one movie. Others liked the idea too and he sold the script and it went into production as Attack of the Rock ‘n’ Roll Aliens.

Pia Zadora was the first person to join the cast. It was specifically due to what she had done previously to this point. It was leaning in on the fact that she was a pretty girl who could sing and had kind of been known for being in underperforming/schlocky films. Opposite her, in the lead role of Frankie, would be Craig Sheffer. He’s probably best known for playing the lead in the Clive Barker cult classic Nightbreed. Sheffer won his part not because he was a known singer (though he had some talent) but because he had acting experience. He actually took the role over a chance to star in a TV series AND the chance to be part of a Broadway production of Torch Song Trilogy. I don’t know if he did this because this movie’s role was at the top of the cast and the other projects he passed on weren’t as high up on the cast list, or if that was meant to be a sign that this movie had some faith put into it from the cast and studio. Sheffer would say that he thought he was cast because he had long hair at the time and it fit the look they wanted for Frankie. That didn’t turn out to be the case as he and other actors cast were sent to barbershops to get their long hair cut before shooting began.

The supporting cast was filled out with some recognizable folks from across several backgrounds. Academy Award-winning actress Ruth Gordon was given a small part as Sheriff. Alison La Placa, best known for playing a character who dated Chandler on Friends, as well as character actor extraordinaire Michael Berryman appear in the film as well. Beyond that, to help with some of the soundtrack, Curb Records found the new wave band RHEMA and cast them as the out-of-this-world rock band The Aliens. Another band used for the movie as “The Pack” was the rockabilly band Jimmy and the Mustangs. Performing a duet with Pia Zadora is Jermaine Jackson, one of the pop superstar Jackson family members and the guy who took over lead vocals in the Jackson 5 when Michael went off to become the King of Pop.

Reading about the duet called “When the Rain Begins to Fall” performed by Jackson and Zadora, I find some things kind of interesting about it. It was meant to be a kind of important song for the soundtrack which would then be something that could be marketed and sold in conjunction with the soundtrack and/or film. There was a video shot for it that Jackson and Zadora flew on her private jet to Italy to do… which had nothing to do with the movie itself. That song was already recorded and meant to be used in the film with Sheffer lip-syncing the Jermaine Jackson bits. But then the video was made and the producers of the films wanted to put that at the end of the movie with Zadora and Sheffer on screen, but the music video was then placed at the start of the movie anyway. I don’t fully understand why it was so disconnected with having a different plot for the video, different crew making the video, etc. But what do I know?

This film was directed by James Fargo, though there is an additional credit for Bob Giraldi. Fargo served as an assistant director to Steven Spielberg on Duel before branching off and doing his own films which included some Clint Eastwood and Chuck Norris flicks. Being connected to Spielberg is key for this film as we’ll soon learn. Bob Giraldi, on the other hand, is only listed as a co-director on Wikipedia. He is best known as a music video director having worked with Michael Jackson on the videos for “Say Say Say” (with Paul McCartney), Jackson’s Super Bowl Pepsi commercial, and, most importantly, the video for “Beat It”. He also worked a lot with Lionel Ritchie and even did the video for Pat Benatar’s “Love Is a Battlefield”. He did a handful of the videos that would make MTV a major force in pop culture in the station’s early days. He also directed the video for Zadora and Jermaine Jackson’s “When the Rain Begins to Fall” which is, as previously mentioned, featured heavily at the beginning of the movie.

One final member of the cast I want to make sure to call out real quick before we jump into this rock and roll sci-fi fantasy flick is the actor voicing the robot 1359 – Peter Cullen. While Peter Cullen did a ton of voice acting in the 70s and 80s (and, of course, beyond), he has made an entire career around playing Optimus Prime in the 80s animated series The Transformers. There are few cartoons of the era between 1979 and the late 90s that he didn’t do something in terms of voice work or narration. Going into the 2000s, he mostly became known for two things: Eeyore on Winnie the Pooh, and continuing to voice the Autobot leader in various Transformers shows and the Michael Bay live-action films. He is so intertwined with being the voice of Prime, that when he isn’t, a bunch of guys in their late 40s and early 50s get their goddamn panties in a bunch when he isn’t cast (see: Why did Transformers fanboys initially try to hate on Transformers One to the point that they always want to voice their opinion about it not being “real” Transformers?). I digress. As a big Transformers fan myself, I can’t hear him speak without immediately thinking about Prime or Ironhide in those old 80s episodes. He’s a major friend to the fan community of the show too, often showing up at various conventions to speak to and meet fans. It’s probably easy to say that without Cullen, and Megatron’s voice provided by Frank Welker, Transformers wouldn’t be the mega-popular toyline it is over 40 years later.

But enough of this Transformers shit… I’m here to send Pia Zadora’s film career off on what I’ve been told is a very fun little 80s campy romp. All aboard! It’s time to take the Voyage of the Rock Aliens!

So, as promised, the movie opens with the video for “When the Rain Begins to Fall” sung by Pia Zadora and Jermaine Jackson. And… yeah… This feels incredibly disconnected from the rest of the movie. But let’s start by describing what our in for this movie is. We see a spaceship in the shape of a Flying V Guitar. Apparently, these aliens have gotten a transmission of rock and roll and, ever since, they have been searching the stars for the planet in which it came from. They dial up the video for this song and they determine this is the planet they need to go to and get those sweet, sweet 80s glam rock.

But seriously, watch that video above. The song is actually pretty decent. That said… It’s like Great Value Michael Jackson and Tina Turner from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. That’s… wait… That’s a Great Value Michael Jackson and a Great Value Tina Turner from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Not that both Michael Jackson and Tina Turner were both in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.

Could you imagine?

Actually… it wasn’t that hard to imagine.

Anyway, the Rock Aliens opt to go to Earth. Optimus Ironhide wakes the crew up for the journey to their destination. I actually kind of like the crew’s situation. They were in a cryo-sleep like scenario. The guys were kept in a fridge as small little dolls in tubes. When they are thawed out, they are sent into something like a nematic tube and they come out on the other end all normal. This leads into their song introducing themselves as they fly toward Earth. I like that all their names are alphabetical. But, even more, this song is fucking great.

Guys… I think we’re in a great fucking place for this week. This is the band RHEMA. I have no idea what happened to the band in the 40 years since this movie but if they have more songs like “21st Century”, I’m on board.

They arrive on Earth off the coast of Lake Erie. There’s a pretty good joke here. Lake Erie was known back then as being incredibly polluted and pretty awful. You’ve got 50s leather greasers, hunky surfers, 80s punks, and acidic water with sea monsters. There’s a sign of all the things you aren’t supposed to do in the lake which is pretty much anything.

But then Pia Zadora does her song “Real Love” for us and it’s another banger.

But uh oh… The fun stops when Frankie (Sheffer) shows up. Frankie is a real hard ass. He doesn’t like the idea of people having fun and doing all this music shit on the beach. When he shows up, the band playing the song for Pia has to apologize for what they were doing. When Frankie hears the radio, he says that someone needs to kill it. So one of the greaser rocker guys launches himself off the lifeguard stand and lands on the boom box to crush it under his boots.

Frankie issues a warning to everyone on the beach… He’s the only one who can say who sings and dances along with the band. Not Dee Dee (Pia). Not nobody. Now he wants everyone to go to the gym to practice so he can keep an eye on all these jokers.

The rock aliens land in a smaller craft – a phone booth. Eat your hearts out, Bill and Ted, Voyage of the Rock Aliens used the phone booth spacecraft first…. well… eat your hearts out Rock Aliens, Doctor Who did it before you.

Anyway, while they are making their way to the surface of Earth, the Sheriff (Ruth Gordon) is watching a guy doing his workout through binoculars. She happens onto the Rock Aliens’ ship and sees the telephone booth descending. She tries to tell her Deputy that an invasion is coming, but she’s an old, so he doesn’t believe her.

The Rock Aliens decide they must keep as low a profile as possible while they search for Rock and Roll. The first thing they have to do is to make sure their robot, 1359, can also blend in because, frankly, there’s nothing else like him anywhere. So he turns into something that looks like a fire hydrant. Now the Rock Aliens themselves need to find proper clothing to fit in. They find two couples by the bridge they are walking on that are doing a late night make out session. Just as one of the guys is wishing upon a star to get naked with his girlfriend, the Rock Aliens use their tech to steal their clothes which leaves the couples naked and the girls upset with the guys for wishing for them to get naked.

That also means that a couple of the Rock Aliens are wearing girls’ clothes.

How have I never watched this movie? I love this movie. I’m 22 minutes in and already know this is the best thing ever. Well, the best thing this blog has seen in 2025 at least. I mean, I’ve had legitimate laughs when there are jokes. I’ve tapped my toes to all the songs thus far. Shit, I’ve had a smile on my face for the entirety of this movie. This is a wonderful little movie.

So, let’s bring in Jimmy and the Mustangs for their song “Justine” at the local burger joint.

Was there any lead-in for the song? Nope. Did the scene continue after they finished the song? Not right away. After the song was over, we had to see the Rock Aliens arrive in the town of Speelburg where everything takes place in this movie. Then we go back to the burger joint to see Frankie and Dee Dee arrive. I could not care one bit that the editing was a bit strange here.

Anyway, Dee Dee is frustrated with Frankie. She hates how he bullies everyone in town. The first thing he did when they got to the burger joint, he asked the drummer of Jimmy and Mustangs if he polished his car yet. When he has to tell Frankie he didn’t have a rag, Frankie rips his shirt off and tells him that he does now. Dee Dee tells Frankie to get off their backs to which one of Frankie’s guys says he gets off on Dee Dee’s front. All it takes is a look from Frankie to get this guy to slap himself in the face multiple times for talking like that to Frankie’s girl. Frankie rules the place with an iron fist and he tends to lash out at everyone in town and everyone in town just kind of accepts that he is boss around here.

That said, Frankie possibly wants to do better. When the Rock Aliens show up in the burger joint, one of his guys suggests they take them out back and stomp the shit out of them (my words, not theirs). Frankie declines saying that Dee Dee doesn’t like when he does that. As for the Rock Aliens, they aren’t exactly keeping a low profile as they do exceptionally weird things immediately.

Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Dee Dee and her friend Diane talk about dudes, sis. Dee Dee and Frankie are indeed having problems in their relationship. To communicate her frustrations about her relationship, we get ourselves a bathroom song and dance number.

God I fucking love this movie.

There’s some added trouble… When the leader of the Rock Aliens sees Dee Dee and their eyes meet, he literally blows his top. The rest of the Rock Aliens have to collect the bits and pieces of his body and return to the ship to put him back together again. To do this, they need to do a Monkees-style music video full of shenanigans.

So, yeah, they put him back together by way of the magic of Kodak film paper and then blow him back up to 3D proportions. They come back to Earth to cheering fans. That’s a problem for Frankie. But Diane is quick to make friends with the Rock Aliens because she wants to get them to play tonight at a dance. The leader, ABCD, asks if Dee Dee is going to be there tonight at the gym tonight for the dance. When it is confirmed that she will be, ABCD says they absolutely will be there to do their music thing.

ABCD and the other Rock Aliens get to work on a “stimulator” that they hope will excite the girls at the dance. But there is only one girl ABCD wants to excite. He had a little daydream about doing a duet with Dee Dee. This is one of two songs performed as duets by Pia Zadora and Mark Spiro. ABCD is not actually a member of RHEMA. He’s played by music journalist Tom Nolan, but lip syncs the Spiro bits of the songs. Mark Spiro is actually quite the figure in the 80s and 90s in music. He worked with several names like REO Speedwagon, Julian Lennon, Heart, Selena, and Kansas. Sadly, he just died on March 28, 2024 which just so happened to be his 67th birthday.

1359 is a bit concerned with the use of the stimulator. The little bot says that it’s never been used before in this galaxy so they have no idea if it will work or what will happen if it works too well. ABCD goes to use at the burger joint. When he turns it on and aims it at Diane and Dee Dee. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work on the girls to get them all up ons. Instead, it works only on guys. Luckily, the pile of guys tackling ABCD destroys the stimulator, freeing them of their sudden attraction to him.

I do like that the guy it first affected, someone who was hitting on Diane at the time, says that he never had a thing for guys before… but that it “was interesting.”

Dee helps ABCD to his feet and they talk about how he and his gang are performing at that night’s dance. Dee Dee says she always wanted to sing at one of these dances but Frankie’s a real wet blanket and won’t let her sing with him. ABCD says she can sing with his band. She seems pretty into this idea.

Smash cut to another awesome song, this time by Mark Spiro alone, but it’s only really used as a transiton to the next thing that comes through in this movie – the crazed slasher part.

STUVWXYZ of the Rock Aliens is seeking access to a hospital only for him to encounter a guy named Chainsaw played by Michael Berryman. Now Chainsaw’s favorite tool to do his killing is a gun. Nah, I’m just fuckin’ with ya… It’s a chainsaw. You don’t get a name like that without having an affinity to that thing.

In town, Frankie comes into the burger joint to find Dee Dee in a booth with ABCD. Dee Dee tries to get ABCD to get up quickly and hide in the ladies’ room, but he doesn’t quite pick up on what she’s putting down. Frankie asks for some of his guys to take the alien out back and fuck him up. ABCD has a way of putting up a shield leaving the guys confused how to fuck this nerd up. I like that they wonder if he’s into Scientology and that’s why they can’t touch him when they try punching him.

Meanwhile, Chainsaw stops off with his sidekick and loads up an entire shopping cart of guns. No one wonders why they are dressed as convicts with a shit load of guns and knives and shit. Oh whatever. They’ve been busy too. Apparently there have been as many as five chainsaw murders in the town that day. The Sheriff did see them on the street but thought they were just fine upstanding members of society sticking up for their right to bear arms. When the chainsaw victims start flooding the police station, she blames it all on the alien invasion that she’s positive is taking place, but also seems to want to do nothing about. Look, Ruth Gordon was very old at the time this movie came out. In fact, this was one of her final roles on film. She’s obviously senile and still running the police in this town that seems to be mostly run by Frankie and his ever growing band of toughs.

And, holy shit, Craig Sheffer constantly looks insane with that constant scowl he wears on his face.

That’s something else… Every time we see Frankie, he’s got more guys with him. When we first saw him, he was alone. Then we saw him with a handful of guys. Now, he’s got like a dozen guys around him at all times. Jesus I love this movie. Every joke works for me. Every song is knocking it out of the park. Every oddball parody is awkwardly crammed together but keeping me totally engaged. This… this might just be one of the most perfect movies ever covered on this blog.

Yeah… You heard that right. This movie is goddamn near perfect. I haven’t even had much of anything to say about our leading lady of the month, Pia Zadora, to this point. Just hang tight, cool? I’m gonna circle around to her at the end. Let me just say right now that Pia is cute as a goddamn button in this movie.

Diane asks Dee Dee if she’s falling for ABCD. She also commented on Frankie looking pretty dreamy as he gets ready to perform at the dance. When Dee Dee confirms that she does think ABCD is pretty “out of this world”, Diane wants to know if she can have Frankie. I feel like Diane would take a used, oily rag if it would date her.

Alright, so all roads have led here, to the Heidi High Cotillion Dance. The kids are dancing. The bands are playing. The deputy is on site to keep an eye on the kids in the bathroom smoking the hell out of some doobies. ABCD and the other Rock Aliens are facing entries that have Frankie’s guys waiting for them. And Chainsaw is in the school looking for more victims.

The deputy is ordered by the Sheriff to bring her the aliens. ABCD and crew find their way into the school through the toilets. Yes, for fucking real… it’s hilarious, trust me. Frankie’s pissed at his boys for not keeping the Rock Aliens out. Dee Dee tells Frankie she’s performing, but not with him. She’s there to play with the Rock Aliens and they bring her to the stage to blow this motherfucker out in true 80s fashion.

And all the while Frankie looks like he is about to murder 13 baby puppies and kittens.

I want it to be known that there is a perfect night of insane, early 80s fun waiting for you in the double feature that is Xanadu and Voyage of the Rock Aliens. In one movie, you have a bunch of muses that eventually reunite at the end in a club in a hell of a rollerskating fever dream and the other has aliens coming to Earth to rock the fuck out in a series of parodies. Both are taking big swings and both should appeal to anyone who just likes fun music of the era and a whole lotta camp.

Diane explores the hallways of the school looking for Frankie. She discovers Chainsaw waiting for his next victim. When his chainsaw malfunctions, frustrating him, Diane says she will show him how to fix it. She pulls out a bunch of tools that she always has on her because she’s a bonafide grease monkey. Showing him how to fix his favorite tool causes love to form between them over the several hours they spend together.

Apparently Dee Dee and ABCD were out all night because they are still walking along Lake Eerie when daylight comes. She asks if she can join his band. He lets her join, but he has to reveal that he is an alien. He wants her to come back to his home planet with him. She goes with him to the ship through the phone booth.

Back at the school, Frankie says he’s disbanding his gang which he calls “The Pack”. He says he’s no longer interested in thrashing and beatings and violence. He had his fun, but it’s over. He lost Dee Dee over how he acted. He goes to his shrine he’s built for Dee Dee and says he can live without all the bullshit that drove her away, but he can’t live without her.

And then we get the most rad thing you will ever see: Craig Sheffer lip syncing a song about being a beast with two girls dressed like cats along with some mountain lions or some such shit.

Alright, so what’s up in these final minutes? Well, Frankie is changing his ways so he can get Dee Dee back. Dee Dee is on board the Rock Aliens’ ship and seriously considering a move to their planet. But not all is going exactly the way you might think… The Pack is pissed off at Frankie and want to beat the shit out of him. Also, leaving Speelburg to go to ABCD’s planet means that Dee Dee needs to get a thing put into her head that would remove all emotions. That is not going to work for her, so she leaves to stay behind and remain with her friends and all those bodacious emotions that come with being a human.

Before catching up with Frankie, the Pack look over the phone booth because he previously saw Dee Dee and ABCD disappear. So they come to the realization that ABCD and his crew are from another planet. Clearly they are trying to invade Earth. So they plan to go to the ship and stop the aliens, but only ultimately deface the walls by spraying grafitti on the walls. Meanwhile, Chainsaw’s sidekick attacks Frankie in the school while he looks for Dee Dee. When Dee Dee finds them, she’s soon attacked by the Lake Eerie tentacle monster that attacks the whole school. That is defeated by Chainsaw who comes to save the day and Frankie and Dee Dee.

ABCD and the other Rock Aliens get back on the ship and take off for their home world. Frankie, to prove how much he’s changed, tells Dee Dee that he’s no longer a solo act. From now on, they will perform as a duo. The Pack approach to beat Frankie’s balls off, but ABCD intervenes and turns the Pack into a group of Boy Scouts who only want to do wholesome good things. Frankie and Dee Dee do their first duet, a reprise of “When the Rain Begins to Fall”.

The movie ends with everything working out as it should and happy endings all around.

Wow… what a comeback for Pia Zadora Month. Yeah, we had a shaky start with Butterfly, a movie that just couldn’t get past its own stumbles to stay on its feet. Fake-Out was simply bad. It didn’t land any kind of comedy or give me much of anything to really even like. But… then came the winning streak we ended this month on. Pajama Tops was just fine comedic entertainment based on a well-established stage play. The Lonely Lady, a bad movie to be sure, turned out to be one of those so-bad-it’s-fun types of bad movies that I admire so much and keeps me doing these reviews for so long now.

But hot damn… Voyage of the Rock Aliens is the king of this month. It’s so honestly fun and silly and knows exactly what it is even if it’s a Frankenstein project of a parody that values the silly fun over the parody. It’s not trying to buckshot a bunch of very specific movies to parody. Instead, it plays with the goofier elements of whole genres and subgenres. Because of that, it’s pure entertainment with a killer soundtrack. Everyone in this movie knows exactly what they are making and what this movie’s intentions are. What more could you ask for from a movie this over-the-top in terms of camp?

And then there’s Pia Zadora. She is incredibly cute and likable and just having a good time in this movie. This is what she should have always been. The two best movies of this month was a kind of zany, French-style stage comedy that she could overact and really lean into that madcap style of sex comedy and a bonkers musical parody where she can just be kind of the straight girl to the two wildly goofy opposites of the movie with the Rock Aliens and the Pack. While she’s playing her part mostly straight, she’s holding her own and you really do like her in this. It’s a shame this was the last time she really did something with a for-real movie role. She honestly seemed happy and at peace with Pajama Tops and Voyage of the Rock Aliens.

But where she feels most at peace is the stage. Zadora’s movie career was extremely short-lived with all five of these movies occurring over the course of a very brief 18 or so months. However, her stage career has carried on. She’s performed cabaret shows and stayed in Vegas where she can still bring people to her shows.

I can safely say, there will be no more Pia Zadora on this blog. I mean… I exhausted the resources. I fracked the shit out of this well and got a narrow victory at the end of it all. Maybe that’s a good way to sum up Zadora’s career too?

Eh… Anyway, upwards and onwards. We’re not done with aliens and their visitations to Earth and stuff. Next week, we’ve got ourselves a Second Encounter to be concerned with. To be exact, we have Xtro II: The Second Encounter. So get your motherfuckin’ asses over here in seven days to see if there is any possibly way to connect the original Xtro to the first of its two “sequels”. Until then… Nanu nanu.