Hey there, Enemaniacs, and welcome to another review here at B-Movie Enema.

Say, do you remember that time I reviewed that James Bond ripoff that was made in North Carolina and was made pretty much by a bunch of North Carolinians? You know the one I’m talkin’ about. Yeah, the one with the guy named Duncan Jax, and he had a baboon buddy named Boon. That’s the one! That one was Unmasking the Idol, and it was not so much unmasked but unearthed by Vinegar Syndrome some years ago and given a nice new shiny Blu-ray release.

A year later, in 1987, after making one James Bond ripoff, director Worth Keeter, along with screenwriter Phil Behrens, decided to run it back and do it again. That’s what I’m reviewing this week, the sequel to Unmasking the Idol, still with Duncan Jax and, most importantly, Boon the Baboon, The Order of the Black Eagle. Interestingly, Wikipedia and the movie’s own promotional stuff title this movie Order of the Black Eagle, while IMDb lists it as THE Order of the Black Eagle. Why the use of the definite article on IMDb but nowhere else? I dunno. Who do you think I am, some sort of investigative blogger?

You should know by now that I do the bare minimum when it comes to investigative work.

Anyway, this one is actually the better known of the two films in the Duncan Jax duology. Before Vinegar Syndrome Unmasked the Idol, Order of the Black Eagle was featured on an episode of RedLetterMedia’s Best of the Worst show on the YouTubes. In that, they rightfully cheered Boon the Baboon and recognized the James Bond-ness of the film. They also made sure to play and replay a very specific moment dealing with a four-wheeler and a stuntman. That’s a clip that still gets played on other videos of RLM’s to this day. So because of their popular show featuring it, and the play and replay of the clip in question (don’t worry, I’ll be getting to it when I get to it), they pushed this film into the spotlight which likely then prompted Vinegar Syndrome to get the rights at least to the first film of the duology and get it out for release.

I swear to god, the more time passes, the more obvious ouroboros of mouth to ass Vinegar Syndrome forms with RedLetterMedia.

Anyhoo… Let’s dig into this movie. I should mention there is some minor swap-out of cast however, we still have Ian Hunter returning as Duncan, C.K. Bibby as Star, the head of the organization Duncan works for, Shangtai Tuan returning as Sato, the Q of this organization, and you better believe we got that fuckin’ baboon. In fact, it’s the same baboon! Yeah, his name is Typhoon and I have to assume he is still enjoying the riches of being the star of two Duncan Jax movies and just drenched in pussy. Bitches love baboons. This movie turns out to have a slightly bigger scope, as we’ll learn. The cast gets a little bigger because of it too, but the rest of the cast of supporting characters from the first film do not make an appearance in this sequel.

Come to think of it… How is this the first time I’ve dealt with a cryogenically frozen Hitler? Oh… shit. Spoiler Alert! There’s a frozen Hitler in this movie.

But before we can freeze ’em, we gotta kill ’em…

We have another movie starting with a newsreel. This is all about Hitler’s defeat. They are not holding back in this either. There is no “let’s make sure we offer up the other side of this story as we teach history” bullshit. They are straight up saying Hitler and his little Nazi pukes are hog balls and deserve our hate and disdain.

As we transition to the present, we go to a big ol’ estate where an international science award is being given out in the field of lasers. The winner is Dr. George Brinkman. As he gets up to accept his award, mercenaries wearing all black and carrying machine guns bust in through the windows to shoot the place up and kidnap the laser scientist. The goons are gunned down by the guards, but he’s whisked away by a helicopter.

We then transition to Washington, D.C. There, we see some Arab fellas arriving at a building labeled “Akabrem”… Is that important? I dunno. The sign on the side of the building is very much featured on screen. When they get inside, they walk into a secured room. Inside that room is a glass cover over a shiny, metal box containing diamonds. What they didn’t know, though, is that they are not alone.

Duncan Jax is in the vent, waiting, and waiting.

With a special pair of sunglasses, he carefully maneuvers in the room over the laser grid security system. He snags the diamonds but, like a dumbass, he knocks his shades onto the floor which trips the alarm. Now, Jax has to fight this way out. However, don’t fear! Boon is waiting for him outside with their escape vehicle – a makeshift flying contraption. Unfortunately, we think Duncan’s exciting getaway is about to lead into a cool James Bond-style opening credit sequence, but the cold open just ends with a boring, white text over a black screen layout with just a typical military-style score for a theme.

Lame.

Anyway, the movie proper begins with Duncan Jax and Boon landing in the middle of a fancy party put on by Star. Unfortunately, there’s not much of a punchline in this scene. It’s just one of those oddball things that Duncan Jax and Boon the Baboon do where they land their cool flying machine in the lawn of a fancy guy’s fancy house. The only real joke that stands out beyond the silly scenario is one of the guests asking another in a hushed tone if Duncan is carrying a baboon. The other responds by saying she thought it was the Liebowitz kid, to which the first guy says that he’s ugly. I… I guess implying that poor Liebowitz kid was the victim of the ugly stick.

Also… did I mention there’s a frozen Hitler in this movie? I wonder what his opinion of the Liebowitz kid’s appearance or breeding stock is. Are these guests part of the group that has a frozen Hitler? Hmmmm… I’m curious.

The next morning, Duncan and Boon arrive to meet with Star. They are discussing the kidnapping of Dr. Laser Guy. Star believes the Order of the Black Eagle is behind the kidnapping. Duncan is dubious at first, but Star says they’ve gained a lot of popularity recently. That… You know, all things considered in the real world, this checks out… and it’s infuriating. Anyway… Star gives the skinny on the Order’s leader, Baron Ernst von Tepisch. Von Tepisch was a leader in the Nazi Youth movement and models himself after his idol, Hitler.

The Baron has an ancient temple he bought down in South America. That’s where the Order operates out of. The agency has identified an American member of the Order who just happened to hop on a flight to South America. Turns out, he looks juuuuust like Duncan Jax. So, the plan is Duncan will go undercover as this guy, get into the Order’s shendig, and then save Dr. Laser Man.

Jax is going to have an assistant on this mission, the pretty Tiffany Youngblood.

Duncan and Tiffany don’t much get along – at first. Duncan was driving down the road to meet with Star and she rode out in front of him on a horse and caused him to spin out. She doesn’t think much of him because… I dunno. She said she heard nothing but good things about him but that disappointed her. Also, Boon gave her the business when they nearly collided. Anyway, their partnership is not off to a great start.

Meanwhile, in South America, we have ourselves a good ol’ fashioned comic book villain…

Yes, this is Baron von Tepisch. He’s excited for the upcoming meeting of all the directors of the Order being in one room at the same time. His plan is to finally reveal themselves to the world. They will show the world they are a for real organization and not at all a group of supreme losers.

Duncan, Boon, and Tiffany prepare to leave for South America. They stop by the weapons office to see Sato. They get themselves a lighter that shoots explosives, a bunch of throwing stars, a cigarette case that fires a grappling line, a breathing device, and a gun that Tiffany uses to blow up a target’s crotch. You know, to show she doesn’t fuck about. After they leave, Star gets a call from Maxie, who implores him to come see her because Duncan and Tiffany will need some serious backup. She’s got a bunch of mercenaries who are some real tough guys.

In South America, Duncan, in disguise, arrives with Tiffany. Luckily, she knows her Nazi shit. There is some sort of discussion of a Chicago rally that she corrects the guard on the year it occurred. Basically, she’s a sexy nerd who can help with the bona fides so Duncan can better fit in.

Also, Tiffany decides it’s a good idea for Duncan to better fit in if they kiss and make up… if you know what I mean.

Duncan and Tiffany get a tour of the joint. They arrive in the Proton Beam room, where the Baron shows off a little bit of the power of the proton beam Dr. Brinkman is working on. They blow up a communications satellite that wipes out HBO for the night. (Seriously, the Baron talks about how some people aren’t going to get a chance to enjoy their HBO tonight, so no Not Necessarily the News for anyone that night!)

At dinner, the Baron makes a speech about celebrating the birthday of Hitler. The proton beam will have something to do with that. Baron von Tepisch has Colonel Stryker, who the Baron says is the perfect Aryan, stand up and deliver the big declaration. Stryker says they are declaring war on the United States, the Soviet Union, China, and Japan… oh, and the “lesser people” of Israel and Africa. Just all… all of Africa. Who needs to list off any countries? Just blow it all up, am I right?

So, after the conclusion of the annual Republican National Committee meeting at Mar-a-Lago, we finally see our Hitlercicle.

So, get this… Hitler never died. He’s on ice and will be unfrozen to help take over the world. You know, because he was so successful the first time. Well, the proton beam will be his ace up his sleeve this time. Apparently, he knew that if you took control of space, you could take control of the whole world. So, the proton beam will achieve all these things. I think von Tepisch even said the proton beam can revive him from his cryogenic sleep. That doesn’t make any sense, but I like to think this movie is just going for it. Fuck it. The beam can blow up shit in space and can unfreeze Hitler. Cool.

This movie is so stupid… but in all the right ways. First, you have a sequel to a movie not many people saw. Perfect. So we have almost no introduction to Duncan Jax, what he is, how good he is at stuff, or why he goes around with a baboon. This movie just assumes you know all of this. Second, we have cartoonish villains playing Nazi cosplay funtimes. Great. AND they have der Fuhrer on ice in the closet of their secret hideout. Fantastic.

Oh, and just to make sure you knew this is Hitler, as they zoom in on the frozen fuhrer’s face, it plays historical footage of him over his face. Chef’s kiss. Seriously… How can you go wrong with anything in this movie?

On top of all those things, Duncan Jax is not exactly a great secret agent. He and Tiffany sneak out of their room to go bust Dr. Beakman’s World out of the compound but he 1) doesn’t give Tiffany a gun and 2) doesn’t check their 6. That leads to Stryker sneaking up and holding Tiffany at gunpoint. Great job, Duncan!

The Baron tells one of his goons to take Tiffany away to “persuade” her to tell them everything about their mission there. I mean… It’s really simple and there are other witnesses in that very room they are all in. They’re there to free Dr. Brinkman. There needs to be no further persuasion. They’re there to free Brinkman so Nazis don’t have a death laser. Shit, guys. No wonder you lose every fucking time!

The Baron and Stryker dump Jax into the coolant tank to drown him. He uses a little bar cutter to open up a passage to free himself before he’s drowned. Jax is now outside where Nazis are hunting him down while Tiffany is inside being roughed up by Nazis to tell them ALL the details of their very simple plan. So, really, for the most part, we stick with Jax, which makes a portion of this second act a Most Dangerous Game situation. This doesn’t last too long because Jax decapitates one of his pursuers with a wire and then blows up Stryker with that little explody gadget Sato gave him earlier.

Personally, I’m cool with exploding Nazis.

Duncan literally stumbles onto Maxine. She tells Duncan the others are waiting for them. They head into town on a bus that also has Star on it. Duncan explains that Tiffany is still a captive at the Baron’s compound, so, yeah, she’s up to her pits in danger. At the cantina in town where the rest of Maxine’s gang, as well as Star, is waiting for them, we see that she’s quite capable of taking care of herself when a guy steps up to her and tries kissing her. She beats the shit out of him and then orders her, Duncan, and Star a round of drinks.

She then introduces her mercenaries to Star and Duncan. First, there’s Cowboy, who is a quick draw and an expert shot. Then we meet Hammer, who is a big ol’ tough guy. He’ll become famous later because of that one thing anyone who knows their bad movies knows about this movie. S.D. is a demolitions expert. Juice is just a guy who drinks a lot. I’m guessing he’s crazy and will go storming into situations. Bolt is… I dunno what Bolt’s deal is. Then we have Spike who likes knives and can throw them at people real good. She’s a bit of a badass.

Now, apparently a movie with a plot about fighting against a large underground group of Nazis who has a frozen Hitler in one of their closets is not enough plot because suddenly the cantina everyone is in gets attacked by a local gang of banditos. They want money and they want women. I feel as though the Nazi plot and the frozen Hitler stuff was enough for this movie, but what do I know?

But what I REALLY don’t know is where the movie goes with how they plan to resolve this. Okay, so, like I said, the banditos want money and women. The plan? Well, that’s to send Duncan Jax out doing a gay voice and using a white bra as a white flag to parlay with the banditos. That’s… That’s a plan alright.

I mean, it does confuse the banditos quite a bit. They all have a good laugh at Duncan. While they yuk it up, Juice comes out with a giant machine gun and starts firing away. Maxine gets into the game as well as Duncan, and soon most of the banditos are, indeed, dead. Maxine gets the mercenaries’ bus started, and they all load up to escape.

Also, I figured out what Bolt’s schtick is. He uses a crossbow. Get it? Bolt as in a crossbow bolt?

The movie kind of devolved here in this portion. After escaping the shootout with the banditos, and before we can pick the plot back up with the Nazi shit, they get the bus stuck in mud. So they all have to get out and work together to push the bus out of the mud. But because they were ALL pushing the bus, no one was inside the bus to stop it before it rolled away from them and over a cliff.

Look, the movie was great when it had those way-over-the-top ideas. We had cartoon villains. We had frozen Hitler. Did I mention there’s a fucking frozen Hitler in this movie? We haven’t even seen Boon for, like, 40 minutes! The more comedic elements of these last several minutes have really hurt this movie.

Finally, we start working our way back to the Nazi plot. Dr. Brinkman and Tiffany are still alive and held captive in the fortress. The Nazis are starting to get pretty frustrated with Laser Man because the proton beam is not operational. They’ve programmed the coordinates, but no beam. Some of the Nazis think it’s because Blinky has deliberately sabotaged them. He tells them it’s because they’ve not allowed him to sleep, and he can’t think straight from exhaustion.

Elsewhere, Duncan, Star, and Maxie’s crew of mercenaries are taking a slowboat back to the Nazis’ base. And, out of the blue, Boon is there too! Where did he come from? I dunno. He wasn’t previously with Duncan when he escaped. He wasn’t with Star and Maxine when they found Duncan. He just appeared out of nowhere.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Boon. He’s a great part of this whole Duncan Jax mythology. But I can only stretch my suspension of disbelief so far. Smart baboon who can fly a hot air balloon? Sure. Duncan Jax as a whole? Okay, fine. Frozen Hitler plot? Oh, hell yes. Boon showing up out of nowhere? I dunno, man. I guess I’m going to have to assume Sato, who’s piloting the slow boat to the base, brought him along. Sure, let’s go with that. That is the only possible explanation. I mean, I guess it would be not so good to have Boon with Duncan and Tiffany in the Nazi base. That… Yeah, that doesn’t make any sense. Clearly Sato was taking care of Boon.

As the boat got closer and closer to the Nazi base, the boat gets stopped by guys saying they aren’t allowed to continue on. Duncan and Maxie take off on a fast hovercraft and get chased by the Nazis. They blow up some of their boats and take out a bunch of them. They eventually escape and make their way to the Nazi base.

I do like that the Nazis have a temple in South America as their base. That’s cool, but not nearly as cool as the proton beam building. Love the futuristic look of the structure and the red highlights. Good stuff.

We’re finally in the endgame now. The good guys are sneaking around the outskirts of the base. Never mind that the bad guys really should be aware that something’s up because their boat guys were all blown up, but whatever. Don’t worry about it!

Bolt and Spike take out a couple of guys in a watchtower. However, when Spike threw a knife at the second guy, he not only got off a shot, but he also fired one off as he died. The whole place is now aware that the good guys are now attacking them. That seems not so great, but, again, whatever. Don’t worry about it!

It’s time for the thing that Hammer is best known for in this movie. He starts taking on just about every Nazi that runs his way. He tosses them left and right. Then, later on, as the mercenaries start going to town with the explosions and shit, Hammer takes a four-wheeler and starts driving it through the camp and then OVER A GUY’S HEAD! Yeah! He just runs over a stuntman’s head!

While Hammer was having his way with the poor sons of bitches who are just trying to earn a decent living by doing some stunt stuff, Maxie and Duncan get into the temple. Duncan goes for the Baron while he sends Maxie to find Tiffany. Outside, Sato tells Boon that it’s time for him to go to work. Oh shit! How can Boon get to work?

With a motherfuckin’ tank of his own.

Yeah! Boon has his own little tank that he drives around and blows things up with! That’s fucking genius. I love how they made this movie and said, “Hey, we can get this baboon for this movie. What should we do with it?” Someone just recommended that he become the hero’s sidekick with his own gadgets to use to wreak havoc.

While Duncan hunts around the temple for the Baron, the Baron finds him instead. He tells Duncan that the white race is destined to rule and all that other bullshit Nazis spout. He even says there’s nothing Duncan can do about it. He’s set the proton beam to fire in 15 minutes. Duncan, at least giving it a shot, asks if he’s going to be killed anyway, why not tell him how to disarm the beam? After all, it’s the sporting thing to do. The Baron gives him a look as if to ask, “You really think I’m that stupid, don’t you?”

But, get this… He tells Duncan anyway. He says it takes two fingerprints. It requires his fingerprint and his mad scientist doctor, Kurtz. After learning this, Jax chucks a spear at the Baron, killing him. Duncan then cuts his fingerprint off and makes his way to the frozen Hitler closet to do the raddest thing ever…

Alright, so Boon has a tank and blowing shit up all over the place. Maxie broke Tiffany out of the prison. The mercenaries are blowing people up and running them over all over the place. Duncan has killed both the Baron and Hitler. What more is there to do?

Oh yeah… Jax has to shut down the proton beam. He gets into the proton beam’s facility to find Dr. Kurtz. Kurtz refuses to shut off the beam. Even at the end of Duncan’s gun, Kurtz opts to melt his own hand off with acid. Dr. Brakeman tells Duncan all is not lost. They could destroy the barrel of the beam’s firing mechanism. It would make it unable to fire and then self-destruct. So Duncan sets explosives to do just that.

And that’s it… The beam is destroyed, the Nazis lose again, and Duncan has two babes he can spend sexy time with. If you ask me, that’s all in a good day’s work.

Yeah, I have some issues with this movie, but I’ll be honest with ya. This is what you want from a sequel. I actually kind of liked Unmasking the Idol for what it was. It was this regional, independent action movie capitalizing on the James Bond series. It was a fun movie while being exciting, but not going too big for its budget. Here, with The Order of the Black Eagle, this movie is much larger. It’s got a huge cast of Nazis and mercenaries and banditos. It goes for it. The filmmakers understood the assignment. You have to go bigger and more exciting. You need to up the ante and the stakes.

I’d say a growing underground army of Nazis with a frozen Hitler and a laser beam that can blow shit up in space is upping the stakes.

One last thing I want to comment on about this movie. Spike was played by Flo Hyman. Hyman was an Olympian and won a Silver for women’s volleyball. In fact, she was a pro volleyball player in Japan shortly after performing in the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics. She was an astonishing 6’5. She was the tallest player on the U.S. team. Sadly, she passed away in 1986 while in Japan. Initially, her death was listed as a heart attack, but it was later found she had an undiagnosed case of Marfan syndrome, which led to her exceptional height. Unfortunately, it also led to a fatal aortic dissection in her heart. The movie was ultimately dedicated to her. It was her only film appearance as an actress.

Well, let’s wrap this up. Next week, it’s time to cover a movie I’m surprised I didn’t cover, like 9 years ago. Join me as we dig deep into the asshole of independent horror comedies with the 2003 movie with a title that’s hard to forget… Monsturd.

What a get for the casting director, am I right?