Welcome back to B-Movie Enema and the second chapter in my two-part Vivian Schilling adventure!

Last week, I looked at the movie that is Schilling’s best-known movie, Soultaker. The popularity gained by the movie is mostly thanks to Mystery Science Theater 3000. That is a tad unfortunate because the popularity also gave it a reputation… not a good one at that. It’s not that bad of a movie, but the riffs from the Satellite of Love often wire viewers’ brains to think that the uncut movie is every bit as bad as the comedy of MST3K’s writers want you to think it is for their jokes to work. Don’t think that’s me saying that MST3K is bad or anything. There would be nothing more opposite than that. It’s just how things are.

This week, we have a movie from Schilling’s filmography that is even earlier in her timeline than Soultaker. This week, I’m going to review the horror/comedy anthology Terror Eyes.

Terror Eyes not only brings Soultaker director, Michael Rissi, back to the blog, but also has a recognizable co-star along with Vivian Schilling. Co-starring in this movie is Daniel Roebuck. Even if that name doesn’t exactly immediately bring to mind the face, you’ve seen him… a lot. This guy has an astonishing 267 credits in films, shorts, and on TV since 1985. There are still 23 more credits yet to be released! This man is busy! I’ve also seen him at HorrorHound in Indianapolis. While I didn’t go to any panels or anything like that, I saw him often at his table just talking up fans left and right. The guy loves fans and loves working. Most recently, you’d know Roebuck from his work with Rob Zombie in the rocker’s films dating all the way back to 2005’s The Devil’s Rejects.

This is Michael Rissi’s first credit as a director. I didn’t talk too much about him last week. He made a few movies between 1989 and 2009. His last film, 2009’s Annabel Lee, is an Edgar Allan Poe adaptation. However, this being an anthology, he shares directing credit with Eric Parkinson, who also has a bit part in this film, and Stephen Sommers. By far and away, Sommers is the most recognizable name associated with this movie. Sommers has directed big-budget films across the 90s and 2000s. Without a doubt, his biggest successes were 1999’s The Mummy and 2001’s The Mummy Returns. He also did Van Helsing in 2004 and G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra in 2009. They… They all can’t be winners, Johnny.

There isn’t much more I can say about this movie, so let’s dig right into the movie with a fun little play on words, Terror Eyes.

So fun story, in the late 80s, there was a writers’ strike from the Writers’ Guild of America. This is something that affected some movies and a lot of TV shows. The second season of Star Trek: The Next Generation was cut short by about four or five episodes due to the strike, and the season finale was infamously a clip show. So this movie starts off from that premise. It tells us that there is a writers’ strike in Hollywood. There are no horror films in current production or being written. This displeases the Devil, as it should… And also Hail Satan. Our homeboy needs to figure out a way to make sure some good ol’ horror can still get infused into everyone’s daily life. Beelzy scours the Hollywood strip until he finds Vivian Schilling pounding away at a typewriter.

As he busts in on her, he blasts her in the face with a bunch of smoke, which she takes like a real pro. He whispers to her an idea for a story she calls “Book of Life.”

In this chapter of the movie, we meet a real bumpkin. How do I know he’s a country-fried hick bumpkin? He’s watching monster trucks on the TV while spitting his chewing tobacco spittle into a champagne flute while trying to learn how to cheat at poker in a get-rich-quick scheme. This bumpkin is Troy, and he’s married to one of Vivian Schilling’s two characters in this movie, Starla. They are getting ready to go out to paint the town in Confederate Flag colors at the Bowlerama.

Starla is excited to go out and wants to look nice for the night, but Troy? He’s not so sure. After all, they’re only going to the Bowlerama, not Denny’s, for Strom Thurmond’s sake.

Just as they are about to leave, they are met by the smooth-talking Clark Rogers, who is there to present them with a copy of “The Book of Life.” He claims it is not a religious text. It’s just for their reading pleasure. When Starla says they don’t read no books, he says they do not actually have to read the book. They just have to accept it and become part of the Book of Life Club.

Out of curiosity, Starla picks up the book to take a look at it and is surprised to find Troy’s name engraved on the cover. Before leaving for their big date night, she begins to read the book. She also finds her name in the book with information about their wedding day, and when and where they went for their honeymoon. It even includes the details of how they banged each other on that honeymoon and the description of Starla’s lace nightie. What’s more, it also gives information about Troy screwing around with another woman, Darlene Honeycutt.

A second man comes to the door, stating he’s from the Book of Life Club. He says they gave them the wrong book and wants it back. Starla says she doesn’t want to give it back, but the guy pleads with her because it’s HIS book and not theirs… even though Troy’s name is on the book and her name is inside it. He says he only wants to see the book for one moment. He says he didn’t like the ending and wants to change it.

But… Rogers gave the Floyds a book this old man is certain was his, despite the name on the cover.

Realizing that this is not his book (or at least it isn’t his any longer), the guy gives up. He basically shrugs his shoulders and tells them, “Never mind,” and leaves. Starla opens up the book again and discovers that information about that very night. It talks about the man, Mr. Johnson, coming to their door hoping to change the end of the book, but his final chapter has already been closed. She begins to realize that everything Troy says is in the book.

Starla is obsessed with the book because she thinks it will tell the future and tell them how they can get rich. Troy is pissed and wants her to quit with all this book shit. You know… Because these are god-fearin’, Denny’s-eatin’, Bowlerama-date-night hicks. Books suck to a guy like Troy.

When Starla gets to the end of the book, she reads about Troy’s impending self-inflicted death. She knows what the term “self-inflicted” means, so she wants to know why Troy would kill himself. He’s adamant that he would never kill himself, so he tries to rip the pages out of the book, but it doesn’t tear, no matter how hard he tries. She comes up with a couple of other ideas. First, they could give the book to someone else. That way, nothing in the book will come true. Her second idea, when Troy couldn’t tear the book up, was to destroy it with fire. It won’t burn.

Troy’s idea is much simpler… Just toss it into the dumpster. However, when they get back into their apartment, the book is back on the table. He goes out to his truck with Starla following him. While they are outside, the book opens itself and moves things around, even turning on the television. It also locks them out of the house for a little bit until it just decides to let them back in. Troy tries using acid to dissolve the book, but it creates a toxic cloud that makes Troy barf while everything in the house begins to move on its own. While it blocks the door so Starla can’t get out, it melts Troy’s face.

Bitchin’.

Starla gets outside while the acidic fumes kill Troy. Yeah, his attempt to destroy the book with acid was how he caused his own death. Get it? He poured the acid on the book, which created the fumes, and killed himself by accident.

Our story changes quickly as Vivian Schilling, now playing Eva Adams, is woken from a nightmare, which causes her husband, Richard, to fall out of bed. She scrambles to take notes of her nightmare because it would make for a great story. I do appreciate that in both this and in last week’s Soultaker, Schilling kinda knows she’s pretty, so she doesn’t mind doing a little bra and panty business for the camera. Look… I’m still me, a craven horndog. I can’t help but give a little credit to eye candy when it presents itself. I appreciate it when someone knows they look pretty and can be titillating with that.

What was I saying? Oh… Yeah. So, Eva is determined to do this gig where the company she works for basically assigned her to write a horror film. She’s actually an advertising exec. She doesn’t know why she was put on this assignment for writing a screenplay, but she felt she couldn’t say no. Eva was the one we saw at the beginning of the movie. She was the one blasted with fart smoke when the Devil visited her. We transition back to her office. She’s trying to get another part of the script written, and she’s soon attacked by a demon hand that busts through her office door. Luckily, she has a second office door she can escape through.

That’s… That’s not me taking the piss about the number of office doors she has. That’s actually really convenient. Anyway, she runs around the office trying to find a way out while also being chased by Satan or a demon of his or whoever it is. That leads to yet another violent awakening from a nightmare in her bed.

The next day, Eva and Richard pick up friends for a big camping trip they have planned for the weekend. They arrive at their scenic camping spot alongside a creek. Later that night, they all sit around the fire and drink some beers, eat some dogs, and get stalked by some sort of entity in the forest. You know, typical camping shit.

Whatever the entity is, it has a similar smoky fart thing the Devil has when he visits Eva at her office. I guess maybe it is the Devil? Again, Hail Satan… I dunno. There’s some sort of demonic presence in and around this flick. That’s all I know. Anyway, he seemingly takes the visage of Richard. When he returns to the campfire, he seems a little horny, by slobbering all over Eva’s neck and grabbing at her boobs, a little mischievous, by shoving an earthworm in her face, and plays the asshole by conjuring up a bunch of leeches in the creek while their friends wash their hands.

Richard complains that her drinking beer clouds her brain while trying to write this script. He then angrily tells Eva that her boss called him and told him that she keeps asking for extensions on the due date. He’s VERY interested in when she will turn in the script. He then berates her about how her nightmares should be helping her write this horror movie.

He then puffs on a cigar and asks her if it reminds her of anything. This is a good six or so years before the whole Lewinsky/Clinton thing so… I guess he’s referring to those awesome novelty bubblegum cigars. No, actually, one of her nightmares had someone who was always smoking cigars. Somehow, he knows about this detail in one of her dreams. When their friends return, “Richard” says he has a chance now to take advantage of all of them. He announces that his “silly” wife has been hired to write a horror movie, but she can’t because her stupid little brain can’t remember anything to work with.

One of the friends, Manny, tells a story about how he used to spend a lot of time at the track. He ended up owing a loan shark a bunch of money. So, he’d go around and pick people’s pockets. He also goes in on a job with the guy he owes money to. They are going to break into a woman’s house and steal all of her jewels. He successfully gets into the woman’s house but forgets the combination to her safe. That reminds me of a recurring dream I have where I’m in high school and I can neither find my locker nor remember the combination. Anyway, while he’s in the woman’s house, he soon discovers she’s been murdered. Weirder, when he returns to the movie theater where he went to set up his alibi, the theater is empty, and it’s actually daytime, not night. When he returns to the race track, it’s the day before, and that loan shark Manny’s in deep to is still planning that night’s heist.

Now, I want to remind everyone that this is a story Manny is telling all his friends, and one I have to assume he’s told his girlfriend as well, as something he said happened to him. It’s also a story he said “would make a great movie.” Can you imagine if one of your friends told you this story about how he owes money to a loan shark at the race track, and to get away from his debt, he has to pull a heist to steal that guy’s wife’s jewels? BUUUUT he finds that guy’s wife dead, then the day starts over again, and he goes through a few cycles of this one day over and over. What would you think if your friend told you this story? I’d have to think he’s insane. I mean, this sounds like something akin to an episode of The Twilight Zone, but I certainly would not take this as a possible real thing that happened to him.

So the first time, Manny forgot the combination to the safe and found the wife dead on the floor. The second time, he arrived, remembered the combination, got the jewelry, and ran into the wife’s murderer. The murderer wears the same type of shoes Mike, the loan shark, wears. The murderer shot Manny in the arm, attempting to set up a botched robbery where both the woman and the robber were killed in a shootout. The third time, Manny gets there early to catch Mike killing his wife. Then, Manny shoots Mike, keeps some jewels, and does not return to the theater. This time, though, he’s hit by a cop car driving by, and gets arrested.

It’s said that Manny is doing much better now. He spent some time in prison. He no longer gambles. He’s cleaned up pretty much all his life. He’s got a girlfriend now who likes him quite a bit! He’s doing great… Aside from that period of time and the memories left of being stuck in a Groundhog Day situation. But I’m sure he’s fine. He’s fine.

What isn’t fine is how nonchalantly everyone takes this CRAZY story they were just told. Eva just gets up to go pee with one of the other girls. The third guy there, Scott (who was played by Lance August, who also played Troy in the first vignette)? He’s just like, “That was one really unique story, Manny.” Wouldn’t someone be all like, “Goddamn! That’s crazy! You got stuck in a time loop?!? Wild!” Honestly, I wouldn’t have to get up to take a pee or a shit because if someone told me Manny’s story and swore by it being the truth, I would have both pissed and shit my pants.

But whatever… Whatcha got, Julie? It better be at least as interesting as “Yeah, I once killed a guy after being stuck in a time loop, replaying the same day three times.”

Julie, Scott’s girlfriend, tells a story about her sister, Alex. Alex is a chess champion with some peculiar ideas. Julie swears this story is true. Anyway, she is going to lead a boycott against the Rubenstein Game Company. She thinks the guy who runs the company is a chauvinist pig. She was offered sponsorship from them, but turned it down for that very same reason. She takes considerable offense to some of the titles of their games, like “Wife Beater,” “Dumb Blonde,” and “Slasher.”

Now, Alex is just some woke, SJW, screeching feminazi… Well, at least that’s how the press labels her (and how YouTubers from 2016 to present would label her too). When she gets in her limo, she realizes the driver is not her normal guy. He locks the door and drives off while she tries to get the attention and help from anyone outside her car.

At the Rubenstein Game Company HQ, she meets with Phil, an employee at the company. Martin Rubenstein is a recluse and has not been seen for at least 15 years. Before she’s brought in, Phil was playing “Slasher,” and it showed how you kill a guy and then rape his wife. The score is made up based on how many murders and rapes you successfully complete. Anyway, Phil wants Alex to keep her mouth shut, especially in the press. He shows her a rat that he puts into a maze to illustrate what their plans for her are. Basically, Martin Rubenstein is going to put Alex into a deadly maze that she has to solve to survive. When she requests to speak to Martin Rubenstein to extend an apology. Phil removes his toupee and reveals she’s been talking to Martin Rubenstein this whole time.

She wakes up in a room within the maze where she has to roll snake eyes to carry on to the next phase of the game. When she fails, she has to retrieve a key to unlock her restraints before she’s killed by deadly, poisonous chlorine gas. This leads her to another part of the maze where she has to roll snake eyes again or get attacked by a caged dog that will be freed if she doesn’t figure out the next clue. She succeeds there, but another part of the maze opens up to her. She eventually gets out of the maze but into a cage in the middle of what appears to be a ghost town from the Old West days.

There, Rubenstein comes out to tell her that he’s going to release her, but he will be hunting her. The only way to win/survive this game is if she kills him. Now, he’s gonna give her five minutes to formulate her plan and get away from him before he begins his hunt. However, he’s not going to give her a gun. She’s gotta find another way to defend herself and kill him. She asks for a gun, but he tells her that “only the good guys get the guns.”

Ah, so Rubenstein also leads the NRA. Good to know!

Alex discovers that there are boundaries in the town that have automated guns that will gun her down if she steps over the line. When Rubenstein begins his hunt, he finds her knife and her clothes next to the boundary line. She’s written a note that says that she’s without clothes or defense. She’ll come out if he promises not to harm her. He leans down to pick up the knife, only to realize that she’s moved the boundary and is gunned down by his own automated guns. As Alex walks away with his keys, Rubenstein tells her that she is really no different from him. She has now killed just like he has.

Back at the campfire, everyone comments on how great that story was (and I admit, it’s a pretty good one, more on that in a bit). When it’s Richard’s turn to throw praise toward Julie and that story she told, he sarcastically says it was great… for the Wonderful World of Disney. He wants blood. He wants guts. Above all, he wants his movie he hired Eva to write. That’s when he reveals that Richard is dead and he’s actually a demon dude.

The demon prevents the friends from running away while he traps Eva in her chair. Demon guy creates magical bullets and kills all the friends. He gives Eva another nightmare/story idea before disappearing. When she wakes up, she finds Richard, but it’s not the demon Richard, the real one. No one the demon guy killed is dead any longer. Eva is excited that she finally has a story idea. She gets to work on her script Terror Eyes, and the movie ends with her being interviewed about her “critically acclaimed, smash hit, box office champion movie.” However, she has no real answer as to how she came up with the idea for the movie. She just says that it came to her as we get one more shot of the Daniel Roebuck monster demon.

Terror Eyes is really hit and miss. But does it really miss by that much? Well, I suppose maybe not. In a way, it’s nice that they are playing off the idea of the writers’ strike, creating a situation in which the Devil needs to find someone who will write him a horror movie. You know, since all those liberal union fucks are standing around on the sidewalk being lazy and shit. That’s a good start. The thing about Eva being an ad exec at her company and being asked to create a movie is both a good and a bad thing. It’s a bad thing in the movie because we don’t learn that fact about Eva until well past the first reel of the movie. So we don’t really have the full premise until after the first vignette. On the other hand, there is kind of a jab at the idea that it’s an advertising executive being hired to conjure up some movie out of nothing, so a movie can be made to make a profit. That kind of feels like the big issue big-budget movies have today, where it seems like movies are being made based on marketing research rather than true creativity.

All of the stories are… fine… I guess? They are all vaguely in the vein of The Twilight Zone, Thriller, One Step Beyond, or Tales from the Darkside. None of them is especially scary, but they each have some sort of twist. By far and away, the second story from Manny about the jewelry heist gone bad is the worst of the three stories. It’s not a horror segment… just funky. The third story with Alex in Rubenstein’s Most Dangerous Game is by far the best. Generally speaking, Terror Eyes is not THAT bad of a movie.

The biggest thing that hurts this movie is that it looks cheap, and it’s clunky. Now, it’s clear that Daniel Roebuck is chewing scenery. He understands the assignment, and he’s got a lot of talent. He also has very good chemistry with Vivian Schilling as they play a married couple. You actually believe that they are a married couple. Clearly, he’s going to appear in a ton of shit in his career. The issue with the cheapness of how the movie looks comes from what’s surely a very small budget. I don’t think it’s shot on video. It’s hard to tell because, if you didn’t notice, my screencaps are very low definition because this movie has only ever really been released on VHS. Even if it was made on a higher-grade videotape, the movie still looks very cheap, and the shots are typically generic and static.

But I can probably also fuck off with the criticisms, too. This was a low-budget movie with mostly amateurs in front of and behind the camera. I can’t really fault anyone for making their own movie. It works well enough, but without the higher quality, better talent, and budget that Soultaker had.

Next time, we’re celebrating Christmas a day later. That also means we’re releasing the next review during the typical holiday break that all schools have this time of year. We’re going to spend some time cleaning out a dorm on campus while everyone is at home with those who love them and their… pffft… family and shit. Join me next week for a review of The Dorm That Dripped Blood.