Category: Reviews

Nine Dead (2009)

Published on by Geoff Arbuckle2 Comments

It’s another Melissa Joan Hart Month review here at B-Movie Enema!

By 2008, our lovely leading lady was married, a mom, and no longer Sabrina the Teenage Witch. For the most part, she was exploring other interests while still doing some TV work in guest appearances, like on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, and in TV movies like 2007’s Holiday in Handcuffs. The latter, I suspect, started the work she did with ABC Family on cable and later led to lots of other holiday-themed TV movies. It also probably led to her being cast in 2009 on the main ABC network competition, Dancing with the Stars.

I digress. As part of her more grown-up roles that came after her work as Sabrina Spellman, we have the movie that is getting reviewed this week, 2009’s Nine Dead. Nine Dead was filmed over a few weeks in the summer of 2008. Hart is playing an Assistant District Attorney and has ditched her usual blonde locks for darker hair because she has a dark secret. In fact, everyone in this movie has some dark and serious shit to deal with. After the completion of filming, the movie kind of sat around until New Line Cinema would pick up the distribution rights and get this movie out on DVD and streaming.

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Twisted Desire (1996)

Published on by Geoff Arbuckle3 Comments

Welcome back to B-Movie Enema and another entry in our Melissa Joan Hart Month!

This week, we have a staple of the network television movie – true crime. Quite frankly, if you’re curious when there was a time when true crime did not have an audience, the answer was never. Whether it was in books, or those old pamphlets that probably led to Jack the Ripper becoming really famous, or plays, or movies, true crime was always a way for people to rope in some audiences. Later, as networks like ABC, CBS, and NBC were making original movies to air as movies of the week, the 70s saw a lot of movies in the horror and thriller genres. However, as the 80s and 90s came along, most of the famous stuff was either historical epics or salacious true crime.

And salacious true crime is what we have for 1996’s Twisted Desire.

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Backflash (2001)

Published on by Geoff Arbuckle3 Comments

Welcome to B-Movie Enema, my Enemaniacs.

It’s February. What happens in February? Well, it’s the last month we all have to deal with winter… if you aren’t in places like Miami or, I dunno, Calgary. That’s a good thing. It’s also the month that is basically dominated, at least in the first half of the month, by the lovey-dovey bullshit that is Valentine’s Day. That’s not such a great thing. It’s a Hallmark holiday. You should celebrate love and what have you every day…? Eh. Anyway, when it comes to Valentine’s Day, you do get those Conversation Hearts, and that’s a good thing.

But the best part of February is that on February 11, every goddamn year, I turn a year older. I get more and more detached from marketing campaigns. I get more and more gray, in the handsome, distinguished way. I get to have lunch with my dad at one of my favorite restaurants. And I get a lot of messages wishing me a good one. I used to not be a big fan of my birthday, but, dammit, I’ve kinda grown to like it the older I get.

So, for my own birthday, I’m celebrating here at B-Movie Enema with something I’ve been known to do from time to time. I’ve done it for Alyssa Milano, Phoebe Cates, and Jacqueline Lovell. It’s time to do what I’ve should have done a loooooong time ago, and do it for someone I’ve got a very long history with – Melissa Joan Hart. Yes, it’s Melissa Joan Hart Month for February! And we start with her in a supporting role in 2001’s Backflash.

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Firebird 2015 AD (1981)

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On your marks… Get set… B-Movie Enema!

Alright, it’s 1981… Due to some circumstances that I am positive we didn’t help, the United States entered into a period known as the 1979 oil crisis. What this meant was that we were having some issues procuring oil for our gas-guzzling cars. Now, I know this because I had a couple in the course of my lifetime, but cars in the United States were either guzzling gas due to being MASSIVE and very long, or if you weren’t cool like me, you might have had a car that was just thirsting for gasoline because it was a sportier car or a Hemi. Really, all throughout the 70s, there were periods in which gas stations didn’t have gas, or there were long lines for people to put just a couple of gallons into their cars to be able to make it to work, or they went without.

Now, what would happen in the decades that followed (minus a couple of short periods of instability) was falling gas prices thanks to what would be known as the 1980s oil glut. No foolin’, prices would fall by about 65-70% in just a few years. However, in between the crisis and glut, pop culture decided to use the energy problems as the basis of some stories. Famously, the whole concept behind why there was a millions-of-years-long war between the Autobots and Decepticons on The Transformers was over energy, thanks to the real-world energy crises over the prior decade. That is also our starting point for the movie I’m reviewing this week, 1981’s Firebird 2015 AD.

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The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie (1989)

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This week’s B-Movie Enema review gets… biblical?

Eh, sure. Anyway, not long back, I covered The Toxic Avenger Part II, the long-awaited sequel to the smash Troma hit from 1984. Filmed at the same time was a second sequel, and the topic of this week’s review, The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie. That title should give a hint to a couple of things in this movie. First, Toxie is going to be tempted by a deal with the devil, specifically the devil that Toxie knows – Apocalypse, Inc. Second, I think the title was likely inspired not just from the 1988 Martin Scorsese film The Last Temptation of Christ, but probably more by that film’s pop culture popularity while both of these Toxic Avenger sequels were being filmed.

The Last Temptation of Christ wasn’t just a well-reviewed film for Scorsese, but it really was a hot-button topic during late 1988 and early 1989. No foolin’, the film created a BUNCH of controversy. There were terrorist attacks, death threats, and a whole lot of protests from upsetty Christians and Catholics because the film depicted a scene in which Christ, played by Willem Dafoe, and Mary Magdalene, played by Barbara Hershey, consummated their love for one another. When it comes to canonical religious texts, that’s not something the Jesus folk like to hear about. They like to think that the Christ was above earthly passions and/or Magdalene was a whore.

But I definitely digress because I ain’t no religious guy so I can’t speak to too much gospel.

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Money Plane (2020)

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This week, B-Movie Enema cashes out.

Let us take a trip to July 2020. The country, nay, the WORLD was in the grip of the COVID-19 pandemic. Remember that? COVID? You should, because, technically, it never really went away. It’s here… forever. Just like me, sitting at this computer, writing these reviews… I am forever.

Anyway, during the dark early days of the pandemic, and no movie theaters or restaurants open to get out of the house to enjoy, along came streaming services busting out all over the goddamn place. Content was flooding the void… for better or worse. Every streaming platform was booming. Movies that would have been buried by the mega releases in theaters were now being consumed by a greater percentage of the population. During this time, it was uncertain when new blockbusters were ever going to return. It wasn’t even sure if movie theaters were going to survive the shutdowns. But then, like a silver bird flying in from the far-off horizon, came a savior…

Money Plane.

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Gush (2025)

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Welcome to a new review here at B-Movie Enema.

Congratulations are in order this week. You see, the movie I’m going to be writing about isn’t just the loooooong-awaited return of B-Movie Enema favorites Brian K. Williams and Ellie Church, but this week’s movie, Gush, is also the absolutely most recent movie ever covered on the blog. So, hey… Williams and Church, the super couple of low-budget exploitation art, for the win!

Previous movies involving the pair on this site are Space Babes from Outer Space, which was directed by Williams and starred Church, Amazon Hot Box, in which Church was the villainous warden in the vein of Ilsa with Williams in the role of an editor, and Frankenstein Created Bikers, in which Church was featured as Candy. So it’s great to see these two back in the saddle here once again, but I also get to reference another person whose movies I really could also cover on the site. I mean, I definitely could cover more Ellie Church’s filmography, but there are still a couple movies from Williams I could someday cover as well. No, the person I’m talking about is yet another Hoosier, Scott Schirmer.

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Feeding Frenzy (2010)

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The calendar flips to 2026 and, of course, B-Movie Enema is there for you, my lovely Enemaniacs!

So… 2025, huh? That sure was a… year, wasn’t it? There was that one thing that happened. There was that other thing. You know the one. Yeah. That one. But there were, like, one or two good things that happened too, right? The Washington Commanders were only 33 points and one more win away from a sixth Super Bowl appearance in franchise history. That was exciting for exactly 20 minutes of that late afternoon. I got to interview Tjardus Greidanus, the director of the great 1990 thriller The Final Sacrifice. So, on balance, 2025 sucked, but a couple of fun things happened.

To kick 2026 off, I call upon an influence of B-Movie Enema… RedLetterMedia. This is also the first of two times I’ll call upon those fucking hacks from Milwaukee this year. In order to really honor them, I should start with their 2010 feature film, Feeding Frenzy, featuring the media group’s mascot, the psychotic elderly man, Mr. Harry S. Plinkett.

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