Category: Theme Months

Welcome to the final week of Steven Seagal Month here at B-Movie Enema.

Thank fucking Christ. Guys… I mean it. Sure, we’ve had some fun with week one’s Attack Force. That movie went through some crazy post-production rewrites. It’s a movie that was bad, but not the kind of shitty bad. I’d argue it’s not fun, but it’s got enough goofy stuff that makes it a halfway decent watch even though it sucks. Week the second was Urban Justice. That movie was, to my shame, enjoyable. I had a good time watching that movie. We don’t need to say much more there. Read that review. Last week’s Contract to Kill suuuuuucked. It was dumb. It was without any energy. It was a lot of Seagal mumbling, and, worse, it was boring.

Knowing Contract to Kill moved us from the 2000s to the 2010s, I knew we were going to be in some trouble. The closer you get to the present year, the shittier his movies get. That makes this week’s movie real dangerous waters for my personal desire to remain alive and breathing in this world. So, let’s talk about 2019’s General Commander.

Welcome to B-Movie Enema and the continuation of Steven Seagal Month!

And, oh boy… We’ve dodged a couple bullets already. Attack Force was a movie that was originally supposed to be about space vampires and was rearranged, reshot, and turned into a movie about a designer drug that gave people crazy superpowers that made them want to murder. Urban Justice was… actually entertaining. I enjoyed watching that one. There was a fairly straightforward plot and there were some moments I honestly had a good chuckle about.

But Steven Seagal Month moves into some pretty dicey waters with the 2010s. This week, we’re going to look at Contract to Kill from 2016. We’ve not only visited Seagal in his 2010s films before, but we’ve seen another of his films from the same year – Sniper: Special Ops. That movie was awful. In fact, I’d call it embarrassing. Seagal looked like he didn’t give two fucks. He was hardly in the movie that his name appeared above the title on the DVD box. He spent a lot of time sitting down with a high-powered sniper rifle on his lap while another person in his battalion was dying. It was bad. Like, bad bad.

Contract to Kill will likely be no better… or possibly worse.

Welcome to week #2 of B-Movie Enema’s Steven Seagal Month!

This week, our large mound of pounding fudge rounds is doling out some Urban Justice. This comes to us from director Don E. FauntLeRoy. FauntLeRoy previously directed Seagal in Today You Die and Mercenary for Justimce. This would be his third and final collaboration with the actor. Aside from the trio of mid-00s Seagal action flicks, he also workj ed on the Anaconda series directing the thiyrd andm my z,a fourth films. He worked with Jason Connery, Sean’s son, on a superhero movie called Lightspeed which featured a character created bl Stan Lee.

Those directing credits aren’t too impressive, but he still has some impressive films on his resume. You see… FauntLeRoy’s real trade was as a cameraman. He worked behind the lens as an assistant early on in the 70s and 80s. He cut his teeth on TV before getting to be either an assistant cameraman or second unit cameramk,qan on films like Raging Bull, 2010: The Year We Make Contact, and The Goonies. Perhaps his biggest film on the list of films he worked on as a camera guy was in 1991 when e worked on Terminator 2: Judgment Day.

When he graduated to become the Cinematographer on films, he worked on cheap-o movies like Munchie, The Skateboard Kid, and Munchie Strikes Back. However, he did work on three episodes of Ultraman: The Ultimate Hero and eventually hooking up with Victor Salva on the first two Jeepers Creepers films. Maybe the less said about Salva the better, but the point still remains, it’s not like FauntLeRoy hasn’t done some notable stuff. It maybe bodes well that this movie might look decent at the very least.

Welcome to my public suicide note!

That’s right, Enemaniacs. This month of B-Movie Enema reviews might just end me. I hope not. I have lots of movies planned and I think 2024 is going to be a good one for the blog. There’s a new season of B-Movie Enema: The Series coming soon. Despite what some people might believe when talking to me, I have no intention of throwing my life away recklessly on foolish pursuits. But… Did I bite off more than I can chew with this opening theme month?

I guess we’ll find out in four weeks’ time. Welcome to Steven Seagal Month at B-Movie Enema. I know, I know… It sure did seem as though I would never again touch a Seagal flick after the torture that was Sniper: Special Ops, but I guess I’m just a glutton for cinematic diarrhea. It’s only four weeks. That can’t lead to that much pain and suffering, right? Right?

Anyway, I start the month off with this 2006 action flick Attack Force.