Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)

Published on by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

The final film of my Summer of Anniversaries event celebrates the 25th anniversary of Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth.

However, we’re a couple weeks early on the celebration end.  Oddly enough, 1992 didn’t have much for me to choose from.  1987 and 1997 had a bunch.  But in order to find something celebrating a 25th anniversary, I had to look to September.

September 11.

For a movie that takes place in New York City with all sorts of hell breaking loose.

With the Twin Towers appearing in the background of the poster. Continue reading “Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)” →

Steel (1997)

Published on by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

Shaq Attack!

Until today, I’ve only seen one Shaquille O’Neal movie ever – Blue Chips.  And that movie was “supposed” to be “good”.  It wasn’t.  If you want to watch a good movie about a basketball player going into college starring an actual basketball player, watch Spike Lee’s He Got Game.

I’m already off topic.

The point I’m trying to make is that I like Shaq on the court.  I like Shaq on pre-game and halftime shows.  I like Shaq in commercials hocking insurance from The General.  But let’s not deny the fact that, besides being a guy who I think is seemingly terribly nice and charismatic as a person, he can’t act. Continue reading “Steel (1997)” →

xXx (2002)

Published on by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

Fuck yeah, bro!  I finally get to talk about my favorite pastime…  XXX!  Porn!  Gross people doing gross shit to each other!!!

What’s that?

Vin Diesel?  Asia Argento?  Tattoos?  Okay, well, I mean I guess Vin Diesel is okay.  Not sure I want to see his schlong, but Asia Argento?  I wanna see what tattoos she has in places that aren’t usually available to the naked (heh) eye.  She’s probably into some weird shit too…

Say what? Continue reading “xXx (2002)” →

Masters of the Universe (1987)

Published on by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

Remember a few weeks ago when I mentioned that this might be one of the very worst span of four weeks during one summer movie slate ever?  It started with July’s Jaws: The Revenge and Superman IV: The Quest of Peace, and now ends with one of the more spectacular Cannon Films failures, Masters of the Universe.

The origin of how this movie came about takes root from the Mattel smash toy hit of the same name.  Trust me, when I was little, everyone had He-Man toys.  We’d walk around and ask each other if they want to play “He-Mans” and usually had our figures in tow at all times.  We fucking loved this shit.  What’s funny is that the toys were super cheaply made.  For the most part, every figure had the same overly muscular body spray-painted different colors with different heads and different accessories or attachments.  When you have a bunch of of the very same body for every male figure, it makes production costs quite a bit lower and gives you much more of a profit when these things sold like crazy hotcakes. Continue reading “Masters of the Universe (1987)” →

I Know Who Killed Me (2007)

Published on by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

Remember when Lindsay Lohan was, perhaps, one of the biggest young, rising stars in Hollywood?  Also, she was really super hot?

Of course you do.  What you probably don’t remember all that well, is that her rising star and super hot lady thing lasted an extremely short period in time.  It was like a frozen moment that we all remember being at least a little longer than the one or two years that she possessed those titles.  We look back on that time in which she starred in Mean Girls and had a couple really nice photo spreads in your Maxims, Details, or whatever as if we’re looking at a mosquito in amber . Continue reading “I Know Who Killed Me (2007)” →

Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)

Published on by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

What’s this?  Another utterly disappointing fourth film in a franchise to be released in July of 1987?  You bet it is!

In a span of four weeks in the middle of the summer of 1987, moviegoers had to be subjected to Jaws: The Revenge from Universal, this week’s feature, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, and Masters of the Universe.  The latter two being massively popular intellectual properties for young kids – both released by Cannon Films.

That’s fucking depressing to know that much shit flew out of screens into your face in such a short period of time. Continue reading “Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)” →

Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

Published on by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

Oof magoof…  Talk about your ill-advised sequels.

1975’s Jaws is a cinematic triumph in proportions never seen before.  It broke box office records.  It was the first, true “blockbuster”.  It changed the way movies are released.  Hell, it created what would become the “summer movie”.

The funny thing is, it shouldn’t have worked out the way it did.  The production was a disaster with mechanical sharks used to depict “Bruce the Shark” constantly breaking down and nearly unusable to the point that direct Steven Spielberg had to become incredibly creative on how he shot the shark.  The production shot at sea which caused lots of problems when unwanted boats simply drifted into frame.  The film went way beyond schedule and way over budget. Continue reading “Jaws: The Revenge (1987)” →

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Published on by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

Earlier this summer, Spider-Man 3 turned 10 years old.  It’s really odd to think about that.  The third of Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man Trilogy is only 10 years old.

Since the release of this movie, ALL of the Avengers movies have been released – among all the other outlying Marvel movies.  DC has now created four movies in their own expanded universe.  There have been 7 X-Men movies – including an entire trilogy of Wolverine movies and a completely rebooted X-Men series.

And as of today, Spider-Man himself has been rebooted twice. Continue reading “Spider-Man 3 (2007)” →