Hello, Enemaniacs, and welcome to a new B-Movie Enema review!

This week, I’m going to be looking at a movie that would not have been on my radar if not for last year’s AMC Fear Fest, the October tradition of AMC playing horror movies pretty much all day and all night for the entire month leading up to Halloween. One of the things that I often find myself chuckling about when it comes to Fear Fest is that it seems like almost every time I turn on AMC on any random October day, Halloween 5 is usually playing. It’s almost without fail that’s what’s on when I tune in. The other thing that is almost a constant on Fear Fest is a whole slew of underwhelming 2000s horror.

And that’s where we pick up for this week’s review. 2009’s The Uninvited mostly slipped through just about every crack of the rickety dock over a dirty pond. For the most part, I only knew two things before I started watching it that fateful day on AMC Fear Fest. The first is that the trailer for this movie was before every single Friday the 13th movie DVD I had in the multi-pack I had before I upgraded to the Blu-Ray. Second, it starred that one girl who was in Zack Snyder’s shitty Sucker Punch movie.

Sucker Punch may be a review for another day…

The funny thing is, I knew what I had tuned into on Fear Fest simply from the look and Emily Browning, the girl from Zack Snyder’s shitty Sucker Punch movie, being present. But the first problem with this movie was the title. I couldn’t for the life of me remember the name of the movie itself. “The Uninvited” I think is meant to make it seem like the girl’s father’s new girlfriend, played by Elizabeth Banks, is uninvited to this family. I think? At least I suppose that’s what it is supposed to evoke. The problem is that the trailer doesn’t really do a good job of explaining that and the poster, which features a silhouette of a girl looking into a window against a foggy backdrop, doesn’t exactly explain who is uninvited. Is it Emily Browning who is uninvited or is it Elizabeth Banks? Obviously, we’re going to be digging into that shortly.

The other problem with “The Uninvited” is that there are a freakin’ billion movies already called that. There are already two very famous horror/thrillers that have that title. 1944’s Ray Milland ghost story The Uninvited is a quite good little chiller. Then, maybe most infamously, is the 1988 monster cat movie on a boat simply called Uninvited. That movie is wild. That’s definitely one worthy of this blog. There are so many movies on IMDb called either The Uninvited or Uninvited. If you didn’t know the poster or year and you were trying to find the movie you think is called The Uninvited, you’re up to a herculean task trying to find it on IMDb.

The thing is, this movie is based on a 2003 Korean movie called A Tale of Two Sisters. This was still the era in which American horror was doing a lot of importing from Asia to mix up the genre (mostly thanks to the success of The Ring). That’s a far better title for this movie. Why not just call it that? It’s probably because that movie is good and this one isn’t.

As I already mentioned, this movie stars Emily Browning. This actually came two years prior to Sucker Punch which, ostensibly, was expected to be a giant breakthrough for her from the guy who made the pretty decent Dawn of the Dead remake, a pretty decent adaptation of 300, and another pretty decent (in my controversial opinion) adaptation of Watchmen. Sucker Punch would actually give the game away on Snyder by showing that he’s mostly style and can’t really do much with a concept outside of making it video-game-appealing in terms of the overall look and feel of the movie. This is something that would go on to damage his future DC movies beyond Sucker Punch as well as seep into so many other tentpole movies by toning down colors. Understand, I have no issue with Emily Browning herself. She’s pretty. She’s a decent enough actress to do just about anything, but I kind of feel like after her turn as a lead in a Snyder film really cut her opportunities off at her knee-high socks (she dressed like a Japanese schoolgirl in Sucker Punch so, you know… knee-high socks).

I guess I should explain why I’m already coming out kinda hot against The Uninvited. When I watched this last year, I found myself reminded of another time I tuned into Fear Fest and got so pissed off I needed to write a review for it. That previous time? It created a whole tradition on the site. That was when I reviewed Halloween: Resurrection as a special Halloween day review release. When I watched that movie, maybe one of the first times I watched that movie in its entirety since 2002, all the negative feelings I had toward it came flooding back to the point that I had to get out all those emotions in a review. This time, I found myself getting pulled into this movie, mostly thanks to recognizing it from all those times I saw the trailer, only to finish the movie completely and totally pissed off. Let’s see if I still have that same anger stored up this time as I dig into the plot of this movie.

The movie opens with a raging fire… Of the loins! Hell yeah, Anna Ivers (Browning) is making out with her boyfriend Matt (Jesse Moss). He tells her two things: 1) he loves her and 2) he has a condom. She’s like, “No thanks.” and leaves a party with other similarly sexed out teens drinking and making out by a bonfire. As she walks through the woods back to her home, she comes across a pile of garbage bags. When she opens up one of the bags, she finds a crumpled up dead body which springs to life just in time to tell her to not go home.

Now this is being told in something of a flashback by Anna. She remembers being at a party but wanting to be at home and that was the impetus for her to leave. She gets home to hear her sick mother’s bell ringing for help. Her mother got sick and was moved to the boat house… Wait. So you have a house and a boat house, and the matriarch of the family gets a terminal disease, so you just move her out to the boat house? That’s… odd? On top of that, Anna says she’s alone and isn’t supposed to be alone. Wouldn’t she be less alone in the main house?

It ultimately doesn’t really matter in the long run because this is actually Anna retelling a dream to her therapist. She says when she goes to the house to find her father or any help for her mother, no one is inside. What’s more, something feels wrong. Like, the kind of wrong that is evil. That’s when the house lights on fire.

So here’s how we enter this story. Anna’s sick mother died in a fire. Losing her mother sent Anna into a spiral where she then attempted suicide. For ten months, she’s been in a psychiatric hospital to sort her life out after the suicide attempt. While her doctor believes she will not get any more help in the hospital and decides to discharge her to complete her healing journey, there is still a mystery. Anna does not remember the fire itself that took her already terminally ill mother’s life. She has these dreams that seem to be pieces to a puzzle or clues to a mystery, but she does seem to be healthy enough to finally go home and resume life while these final few steps to overcome her sadness over the loss of her mother finally get put to rest.

Her father, Steven (played by the usually great David Strathairn), is a writer and dedicated his book to his daughters, Anna and Alex. On the way home, he surprises her with cookies made by Rachel Summers, the Phoenix of the Days of Futures Past reality… wait… No… Sorry, slipping into my comic book nerdery there. Rachel (Elizabeth Banks) was Anna’s mother’s live-in nurse. She will soon discover that Rachel didn’t leave when her mother died. She’s… still here. What’s more, she’s sexy. And sweaty. And likes to show off titty cleavage.

Anna is unnerved around Rachel’s presence. Anna rushes out to go to the water out back where she saw Alex swimming. After leaving, Rachel laments to Steven that she blew it with Anna. While she is looking into the boat house where her mother was stashed, Alex appears and startles Anna, but the two sisters warmly embrace and everything seems pretty hunky dorey.

Well, until Alex (played by Arielle Kebbel) explains what’s been going on while Anna’s been away. Rachel stuck around to help with the fire inquiries. Then she stuck around to help with the funeral. Then she stuck around to help their father cope. Now, Rachel is Steven’s new girlfriend and a constant presence in the Ivers’ lives.

Alex is actually not happy with Anna. Alex accuses Anna of deserting her. She was stuck with Rachel and Steven while Anna was in the psych ward, healing. Jeez, I guess they should have just tossed Anna into the boat house. This family seems to think that’s better than any other place of convalescence. Alex says she wrote to Anna constantly but Anna never wrote back or even acknowledged anything sent to her. Anna swears she received nothing. She thinks maybe her doctor didn’t think she should see things from the outside while she was in treatment. Alex thinks their father kept the letters from Anna.

Alex is clearly still angry and has a great deal of unresolved trauma from their mother’s death and Anna’s attempted suicide. Anna looks in through the window of Steven’s study while Alex bawls him out for not sending any of her letters. Alex thinks Steven didn’t want her to tell her sister about his new girlfriend. Alex also reveals that maybe it wasn’t a great idea for Anna to be home since this small seaside town loves talking about their family as it is. Steven does not have any response for Alex which makes her storm out and walk into the forest to blow off some steam.

Anna discovers a lot of old stuff was put into the attic when Rachel and Steven opted to make some changes. In the attic, she finds some of her mother’s old stuff including the bell that Rachel tied around her wrist for when she needed help. She also finds a picture of the two girls and their parents with a picture of a possibly jealous Rachel in the background. That night, Anna tries to read her father’s book but is distracted (and a little grossed-out) when she hears him and Rachel slappin’ nasties in the other room.

When she tries to drown that out with her iPod and get sleep, she hears someone in the hall outside her room. The door opens, and soon she is attacked by a ghostly, burnt visage of what seemingly is her mother. When the door slams shut, she pops up, turns on the light, and finds Alex, intoxicated, in her room. She’s not happy that Anna took the bell out of the attic. She accuses Rachel of going to a pet store, buying a bell, and tying it around their mother’s wrist. All this to not feel too guilty about at least having a way to know she needed help while Rachel fucked their dad.

The next day, Anna irritates Rachel by haphazardly hanging an old chalkboard in the newly redesigned kitchen that her mother used to leave messages on when she was still alive. Alex praises Anna for making their dad’s annoying new girlfriend angry over ruining her perfect kitchen, but disappears when Anna’s old boyfriend Matt boats his way up to their dock to say hi to Anna. That’s not the only thing that Matt wants to say to Anna.

You see, that part of the dream Anna described to her therapist at the beginning of the movie where he told her he loved her and that he wanted to hitch his boat up in her dock, if you catch my drift? That was real. They were at a party the night her mother died. She did reject him and left the party. However, unbeknownst to her, he followed. He says that he saw everything. He knows what happened the night her mother died. Before he can say anything more, Rachel arrives and interrupts the two. Matt leaves without saying anything more and leaving Anna with more mystery around the night her mother died.

Later, while Steven and Rachel are cuddled on the couch watching TV and talking about inviting his agent over for dinner on Friday, Anna becomes more and more frustrated with this scenario and shakes her head with disgust at Alex, who is also in the room with them. Anna leaves the living room and goes to her father’s office/study and finds a glass award that is missing a piece. Anna has a flash of a memory of the award being dropped and that piece breaking off. She goes to the boat house where she sees that ghostly burned-up version of her mother, the bell still tied around her wrist, slowly approaching her. Her mother screams about “MURDER!” and points a finger outward before disappearing and leaving Anna shitting her pantaloons before Alex comes in to find her.

Anna tells Alex that she saw their mother. Anna believes their mother is sending her messages through her nightmares and these ghostly visits. Anna says she thinks Rachel murdered their mother. The next day, Alex pieces together the events of that fateful night. Rachel happened to have the night off the night of the fire. She snuck into the boat house unseen and unheard. There, she turned on a tap of flammable stuff that created the fire, thus killing their mother.

Rachel invites Anna to go into town with her for some retail therapy. Alex convinces Anna to go into town and find Matt and try to get more info about what he said he saw the night of the fire. While they are in town, Alex will snoop around and see what she can find to help solve the mystery. Anna asked about Rachel’s pearl necklace, and Rachel says a former patient gave them to her. She also doesn’t exactly help Anna think she’s particularly innocent in this theory of hers when she says that she was able to get through all the terrible things she had to do while caring for the old and sick by saying that, well, they’ll be dead soon and she will not have to deal with them anymore, especially if they were mean to her.

At the grocery store, Anna finds Matt and tries to ask him about what he said previously about the night of the fire. She tells him that she knows that he wanted to tell her the fire was no accident. He tells her that he wants to meet tonight to explain everything. When Rachel finds them, she tells Matt that he no longer needs to deliver groceries. It will be her job to get groceries from now on.

At home, she finds Alex messing around with Rachel’s stuff. They find lots of very slutty lingerie and a giant vibrator. They also find a kit of various nursing things like tranquilizers and scissors and the like. That night, the sisters leave the house to meet with Matt and try to get more information about what he saw. When they get to the meeting spot, Matt isn’t there. Anna says something doesn’t feel right and, sure enough, Matt never shows.

However, in the middle of the night, Matt shows up in Anna’s room. He is wet and says he fell and hurt his back. He says he can’t feel anything and is scared. They lean in to kiss each other, and she discovers that, yeah, his back probably does hurt pretty bad because it’s broken and he’s actually dead. He tells her that his mother tried to warn him, but he didn’t listen. The next morning, she thinks it’s all a dream, but outside, rescuers have retrieved his body from the water.

Because his body was pulled out near their home, Steven and Anna are questioned about Matt’s death. The sheriff believes that Matt’s boat must have hit some timber in the water. That would have led to him falling out of the boat. Falling out of the boat would lead to him breaking his back. Breaking his back led to his death.

Back at the house, Anna tries to tell her father that Matt was coming to see her. She tells him that Matt had information about the night of the fire that he wanted to tell her. She then explains that Rachel twice saw them talking and the second time basically told him to never come back to the house. Her father doesn’t believe that Rachel would have any reason to do that. He basically tries to tell Anna to not blame herself or not think any kind of crazy ideas about his death. Later, Anna reveals to Alex that she thought she was having a hallucination of Matt in her room, but he touched her and grabbed her arms while he said that their mother tried to warn him. Anna shows marks on her arms to prove that something grabbed her.

Alex is convinced now that they are the only two people standing between Rachel and what she really wants, which, I suppose, is David Strathairn playing a, I guess, semi-successful writer with a pretty nice house next to the sea. She and Anna take Rachel’s ID out of her purse while she prepares for the big dinner party with Steven’s agent and other writing peoples. Alex calls around and ultimately discovers that there is no record of a Rachel Summers. They discover her name is actually “Mildred Kemp” and was never a nurse at all.

Now, I know that we’re supposed to think that Elizabeth Banks’ Rachel character is supposed to be a really evil bitch, but I do gotta give it to her for having maybe one of the most truthful lines in the history of cinema. That night, as everyone waits for the dinner guests to arrive, she sees Anna outside the bedroom while she’s putting on lipstick. She calls Anna in and tells her that she has very pretty lips, but she needs to know what to do with them. It is true, Emily Browning has an exceptional pair of lips. As she applies lipstick to the girl’s exceptional pair of lips, she says, “Boys will go on and on about a girl’s eyes, but what they really want is a girl with a pretty mouth.”

Yes. Yes we do.

I dunno about you, dear readers, but with a line like that, and that much truth spoutin’ from a woman’s mouth, I cannot see how this Rachel character is evil in the slightest. Of course, Anna has to ruin all this sage advice by asking Rachel what her real name is. She reveals that the nursing association has no record of Rachel Summers. Now, maybe she did grab that name from one of the most famous X-Men stories ever, but I digress. Anna says she’s going to go talk to Steven about this, but Rachel reveals that there’s no need. She and Steven have already discussed Anna’s behavior with her doctor. The doctor believes it may have been a mistake to let her out of the hospital.

At the dinner party, Steven asks Anna to help Rachel out. He says that these dinner parties with these types of guests is not something he’s comfortable with because he is under a microscope. That also means that Rachel is also being judged by them since she was the person inviting them over. To appease him, Anna agrees. Rachel asks her to take the trash out. When she thinks she hears the trash bag rustling, she looks inside only to cause a can to fall out and roll under the stove. When she looks under the stove, she finds the little redheaded girl who was in the trashbag in her dream about the night of the fire. She’s seen the redheaded girl a couple of times, and it’s always connected to her growing belief that her mother was murdered. When the girl jumped out at Anna from under the stove, she warns that Anna is the next one to die before disappearing again.

When Rachel comes back into the kitchen, finding Anna on the floor against the prep table that Rachel placed the roast on to carve, Rachel is less worried about Anna and more concerned with the roast that is now on the floor.

Later, Anna goes to see Steven. She tells him that Rachel is lying about everything. She’s lying about her name. No one knows where she came from. She’s tearing the family apart. Steven tells her that Rachel is not the one tearing them apart. He plans to discuss this with Anna’s doctor. He reveals that he plans to marry Rachel in the fall and she’s gonna have to deal with the fact that he’s happy again.

Steven leaves for a trip dealing with his book. Rachel takes Anna and Alex to Matt’s funeral. Once again, Anna sees the little redheaded girl walking between the people at the graveside service. Anna follows her through the cemetery, where the little girl is joined by two other kids, boys who look pretty ghostly themselves. Eventually, the three kids disappear and Anna stumbles upon the graves of Samuel, Iris, and David Wright, three kids who died in 1986 and buried next to each other.

Anna comes home where she and Alex google the kids’ names. They discover they were the children of Dr. Harrison Wright. They were heavily sedated before being stabbed to death. They learn the murderer was Mildred Kemp, the kids’ nanny, who became obsessed with Harrison. They see the picture of the Wright family on the article they pulled online. They see Rachel’s favorite pearl necklace. That and the name Mildred Kemp make the girls believe that somehow, someway, this woman who would be an absolute knockout at the age of 42 killed her employer’s wife and kids and took those fuckin’ pearls.

Alex tries using the window to sneak out of their bedroom and into Rachel’s room. She hears what sounds like Alex falling to the floor and goes into the room. Rachel confronts Anna and attempts to sedate the girl. Alex is on the floor, drugged by Rachel. Anna barricades herself in Alex’s room and promises Alex that she will get the pearls, their proof of everything, to the authorities. Anna escapes in Rachel’s car and goes to the Sheriff’s station. She tells the Sheriff everything about how Rachel is Mildred Kemp, how she has the pearls that belonged to Mrs. Wright, and how she had to be the one who started the fire that killed her mother.

The Sheriff says he needs to pull up Rachel Summers on the system and start piecing these things together that Anna told her. Anna says they need to get back to the house because Alex might be in serious danger. The Sheriff says no one is going to be hurt. Anna falls asleep in the Sheriff’s office and awakens to find Rachel there after the Sheriff himself brought her back to the station. Rachel sedates Anna and takes her home.

While Rachel puts Anna in bed, she says that she can’t have children. She always imagined what it would be like to have a daughter, but Anna has taken that away from her. While Rachel dresses Anna in pajamas, Anna sees Alex sneaking into her room behind Rachel. When Anna wakes up, she sees a trail of blood through the house leading her outside. There, she finds the trail stopping at a dumpster. Inside, Rachel’s dead body is inside a trash bag, apparently stabbed to death by Alex. Alex tells Anna they tried everything else and this was something Alex had to do. Anna embraces Alex and says that it’s okay.

Steven comes home to find the sisters with blood on them. Anna tells Steven that Rachel started the fire that killed her mother. She was going to kill them, so Alex had to kill Rachel. Steven is quite perplexed, and not at all responding to Alex saying that he never listens to her but he has to this time, the truth comes out and Geoff gets really pissed off.

It all starts with the reveal that Alex is not holding the knife that killed Rachel; Anna is.

So… Here we go. Alex died in the fire with her mother. Alex has been a figment of Anna’s schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder this whole time. She started imagining Alex the moment she came home as a coping mechanism for being back where her mother died. Part of all this also blocked her memories of the fire because of how it was started.

Anna is right, the fire was not exactly a freak accident. That night, after coming home from the party, and after rebuffing Matt’s advances for sex, Anna discovered that her father had an affair with Rachel. In fact, that glass award thing that was broken? It was broken when Rachel accidentally knocked it off his desk while he was laying that deep pipe. Pissed off, Anna went to the boat house where she filled a watering can with gasoline from the tank in the boat house. I suppose she was going to burn down the house and kill her father and Rachel? Anyway, the dripping faucet of the tank causes gasoline to get onto the floor and when Alex followed Anna home from the party, then slammed the door of the room that had the tank in it, a lantern that Anna used to go to the boat house with fell, eventually igniting and causing an explosion that killed her mother and Alex.

Later, after she came home from the hospital, we see all the situations in which Alex and Anna were together were really just Anna alone. Rachel was not at all a sinister figure in the Ivers’ life. She actually was a very kind and caring person who became romantically involved with Steven. That was her only sin. Summers was not actually her last name. She changed it to escape an abusive ex-boyfriend. However… Matt did see exactly what happened the night of the fire. He saw that Anna caused the explosion and fire even if she didn’t exactly intend to. Still, she was the one who killed her mother. When he explains this, Anna killed him by pushing him off a hill, breaking his back, and she put his body into the sea where it was found.

The whole thing about the Wrights and Mildred Kemp? Well, when Anna is returned to the psychiatric hospital, probably for the rest of her life, the patient whose room is across the hall from Anna is the real Mildred Kemp. When Anna was released, Mildred was a little upset because she didn’t know who she would tell her stories to without her friend there. Those stories got jumbled up into the visions and the mental illnesses that Anna was fighting from her trauma and anger over what happened the night her mother died. And that tied everything together with the visions of the little redhead girl and her dead brothers which then gave her that alias for the woman she believed was the one who destroyed her family – Rachel Summers.

This is a movie that, on paper, could work. It’s a thriller that has a mystery around it. That mystery is born from trauma and mental illness, creating a pretty terrible cocktail that led to murder. There’s an undeniable atmosphere to this movie that sucks you in. It’s beautifully shot in the scenes that take place at night. There’s a natural look to those scenes that is great for a Halloween-time watch, even though I’m pretty sure it does not take place in the fall. I love the seaside setting. I love horror movies that take place in locations like that. It helps build that atmosphere and it sometimes can feel remote and isolated.

But… I kind of hate this movie. This is a movie that spends its entire runtime manipulating you. It is entirely built around your feelings for this girl who has, for all intents and purposes, been removed from the world, and her family, for the last ten months. She was someone who suffered a great loss with her mother dying, not from her terminal illness, but from a violent, unexpected death. She is re-entering the world in a scenario in which she doesn’t really have anyone. She’s been in a hospital in deep therapy for nearly a year. You understand her sister’s frustration and pain.

You get the idea of an interloper being present here, which is creating tension in the plot. Rachel’s lines can have multiple meanings. Some of the things she says can be taken as sinister or they can be taken with an earnest attempt to befriend this suffering girl. Because we’re seeing this from Anna’s perspective, and the entire movie is constructed to make you side with Anna, and, to a lesser extent, Alex as well, there are music stings or ways that Banks performs her lines that do come off as intending to be sinister.

This movie’s twist that all of this is that personality disorder and schizophrenia from Anna can only possibly work once. This isn’t like, say The Sixth Sense. That’s a movie that continues to work and amaze with repeated viewings after the big twist was revealed to you the first time. The problem with this movie is that it is very weak as a whole. This is a movie that is less than 90 minutes in length. Because it is entirely built on the premise that you should be on Anna’s side, you will never approach the movie the same way the second time. Realizing that no one is talking to Alex and they only ever talk to Anna can slip by upon the original viewing. In subsequent viewings, it’s painfully obvious that Alex is ignored or practically invisible. It’s even blocked in a way that characters do not even have to avoid the very tangible actress, Arielle Kebbel, who needs to be scooted by or walked around. That can be clever one time, but when the rest of the movie is constructed in the way it is, it just doesn’t work.

Okay, sure… The mystery is mildly interesting. The hallucinations are mildly creepy. I have no notes for any performances. They are all fine. In fact, Emily Browning is very appealing in this role, as is Kebbel, as is Banks, as is Strathairn. Instead of this being a cheap PG-13 thriller with some jump scares and some good, moody atmosphere, why not make this a slightly more meaningful movie? Why not make it 97 minutes instead of 87? That way you could make the reveal that much more impactful because you’ve spent some time showing some things from another character’s perspective. It’s possible to still make some of Rachel’s motives seem underhanded or sinister while also showing her being loving to Steven. Maybe in a moment in which Anna does something that shows her rebellion or discomfort with the scenario, have Rachel be the one who tells Steven that they need to give her time and space. That way we’re not feeling like the entire movie has been lying to us and using Anna to manipulate us and pulling the rug out from under us.

This is a movie that just becomes extremely frustrating once you realize it’s a big fat liar. It’s a giant lying liar who only likes to lie and be a liar. You become invested in this possible scenario that may or may not be what you think only to find out 25% of your cast is imaginary and what you spent 75 minutes watching is not at all what you thought you were watching. Again, on paper, that can work, but this movie has nowhere near enough to make it worthwhile to be tricked. The greatest magic tricks aren’t mean-spirited, they are, well, magical. A great twist in a movie that is earned and wows you is magical. It’s not there to just tell you, “Yeah, nah… None of this shit is what we said it is. Here’s the entire, real movie in 12 minutes, suckers!”

And don’t even get me started on the strange timeline. It’s clearly 2009 because Rachel’s car that we see Anna escape is a modern car inside and out. However, the Wrights were murdered by Mildred Kemp in 1986. The actress hired to play Mildred Kemp, Heather Doerksen, was, like, almost 15 years younger than what that character would have been age-wise, and looks like a young actress. That’s a pretty big miss in terms of keeping someone like me from adding that as fuel to my over-analyzing fire.

Alright, I’m done. I can’t say anything more about this. Next week, we have a 2013 movie that smashes together two pretty popular ideas – found footage horror and porn. However, I think more recently it has gotten a lot of attention from online reviewers for mashing together found footage horror and porn. Join me when I review Lucky Bastard.

Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go hang out with my long-dead sister whom I still can see and have detailed conversations with.