There’s a line in that last song in Grease that has been cut out due to no one understanding what the fuck it meant in 1978: We go together like Monsturd and B-Movie Enema. And then there’s a bunch of nonsense words like someone is doing a 50s white boy scat before it says something about being remembered forever or some such shit.
Heh… scat.
Double heh… shit.
Continue reading “Monsturd (2003)” →
Hey there, Enemaniacs, and welcome to another review here at B-Movie Enema.
Say, do you remember that time I reviewed that James Bond ripoff that was made in North Carolina and was made pretty much by a bunch of North Carolinians? You know the one I’m talkin’ about. Yeah, the one with the guy named Duncan Jax, and he had a baboon buddy named Boon. That’s the one! That one was Unmasking the Idol, and it was not so much unmasked but unearthed by Vinegar Syndrome some years ago and given a nice new shiny Blu-ray release.
A year later, in 1987, after making one James Bond ripoff, director Worth Keeter, along with screenwriter Phil Behrens, decided to run it back and do it again. That’s what I’m reviewing this week, the sequel to Unmasking the Idol, still with Duncan Jax and, most importantly, Boon the Baboon, The Order of the Black Eagle. Interestingly, Wikipedia and the movie’s own promotional stuff title this movie Order of the Black Eagle, while IMDb lists it as THE Order of the Black Eagle. Why the use of the definite article on IMDb but nowhere else? I dunno. Who do you think I am, some sort of investigative blogger?
You should know by now that I do the bare minimum when it comes to investigative work.
Continue reading “The Order of the Black Eagle (1987)” →
Welcome back to B-Movie Enema!
It’s Friday the 13th! As is the case commonly over the last few Friday the 13ths, I am totally fumbling the bag on what I’m reviewing. Oh, sure, I could surely find another outing from good ol’ Jason Voorhees to write about. That Jason Goes to Hell is a shitfest, but it’s a shitfest I take no pleasure in watching. So, instead, I’m going to celebrate Friday the 13th with a movie from 2013 that features something that we all like watching… found footage!
What, did you think I was going to say porn? I dunno about you, but I’m strictly anti-porn. Who on Earth would possibly want to watch succulent naked bodies doing things to give themselves pleasure with toys or digits or appendages or, I dunno… cucumbers or something? No sirree… I do not condone sexual gratification.
Nah, I’m fuckin’ with ya. Porn is great… in moderation. And pornography is at the heart of the movie getting reviewed this week, 2013’s Lucky Bastard from director Robert Nathan. Nathan got his start in media as a novelist, most notably for writing the political thriller The White Tiger, which was set in China back in Mao’s rule. In the 90s, Nathan started writing a ton of episodes for Law and Order. Lucky Bastard is the only film he wrote and directed aside from a TV movie the same year called The Grim Sleeper.
Continue reading “Lucky Bastard (2013)” →
Hello, Enemaniacs, and welcome to a new B-Movie Enema review!
This week, I’m going to be looking at a movie that would not have been on my radar if not for last year’s AMC Fear Fest, the October tradition of AMC playing horror movies pretty much all day and all night for the entire month leading up to Halloween. One of the things that I often find myself chuckling about when it comes to Fear Fest is that it seems like almost every time I turn on AMC on any random October day, Halloween 5 is usually playing. It’s almost without fail that’s what’s on when I tune in. The other thing that is almost a constant on Fear Fest is a whole slew of underwhelming 2000s horror.
And that’s where we pick up for this week’s review. 2009’s The Uninvited mostly slipped through just about every crack of the rickety dock over a dirty pond. For the most part, I only knew two things before I started watching it that fateful day on AMC Fear Fest. The first is that the trailer for this movie was before every single Friday the 13th movie DVD I had in the multi-pack I had before I upgraded to the Blu-Ray. Second, it starred that one girl who was in Zack Snyder’s shitty Sucker Punch movie.
Sucker Punch may be a review for another day…
Continue reading “The Uninvited (2009)” →
Welcome to a new B-Movie Enema review, and welcome to the official start of summer.
Yeah, you read the right, bitches. I say when summer starts. And it starts right now as we say goodbye to May this weekend and hello to June. With the warmer months, traditionally speaking, people start taking vacations in various ways. Families might plan trips to lakes to go boating and maybe fish or something. They may plan on going to Disney World. The days get longer and the movies get more fun and entertaining (for better or worse). Parents are ready, after a long, grueling school year dealing with piss poor report cards and parent-teacher conferences, to send their kids to a camp to get them out of their goddamn hair for a few weeks.
That desire to make your kids someone else’s problem gave birth to two very distinctly 80s subgenres in movies. The first were comedies like 1979’s Meatballs. The second, much more popular subgenre, was the slasher horror like 1980’s Friday the 13th. The latter is where this week’s featured movie, 1981’s The Burning, lies.
Continue reading “The Burning (1981)” →
Welcome to another B-Movie Enema review where we always watch the skies.
That’s Xtro 3: Watch the Skies. Now, we’ve been here, haven’t we? Whether it is yet another Xtro flick that has nothing to do with the original, another ill-advised sequel, or a sequel made because money is needed to live in a world mostly dominated by capitalism, this is nothing new to us around here. Alright, so not that long ago, I reviewed Xtro 2: The Second Encounter and, woof… It was pretty bad.
Creator of the original Xtro, Harry Bromley Davenport couldn’t really get any other work. He did own the rights to the title Xtro and was able to leverage that to Welsh and Canadian producers. He thought he could take the Xtro series and turn it into an anthology series about alien encounters. The first sequel was not an enjoyable experience for the British director, Bromley Davenport. Jan-Michael Vincent was barely functional. The script was kind of dumb and complicated.
This second sequel would be somewhat better for the Briton in some ways and a little more dangerous in others.
Continue reading “Xtro 3: Watch the Skies (1995)” →
KAPOW! EXPLOSIONS! PUNCHING MONSTERS! IT’S A NEW B-MOVIE ENEMA!
Welcome back, dear readers. This week, we have a bit of a treat. We’re going to look at 1975’s The Super Infra-Man! This comes to us from Hong Kong and is also known as just Infra-Man or literally translated from Cantonese as Chinese Superman. Now, you might think that literal translation means this is a Shaw Brothers Production ripoff of America’s avatar of DC Comics (no, Batman, not you), Superman, right?
Wellll… It actually isn’t. This is much more influenced by the Japanese TV shows that use tokusatsu. Tokusatsu is the term given to Japanese productions that are live-action AND use a great deal of special effects. The term had been part of Japanese theater dating back to the early 20th century. However, it went big time in the 50s. That’s when the mega superstar, world-famous Godzilla stomped into Tokyo and theaters all over the world. Eiji Tsuburaya was more or less the godfather of tokusatsu techniques. He designed many of Toho’s early monsters, including Godzilla. He then launched the television series Ultra Q, which borrowed costumes from Toho. That would later lead to the various Ultraman series. Ultraman then gave birth to another tokusatsu classic, Kamen Rider.
The Super Inframan is more inspired by those tokusatsu series than the fella in the blue tights and red boots.
Continue reading “The Super Inframan (1975)” →
Welcome back to B-Movie Enema, Brett Piper!
We have some favorites here at B-Movie Enema Industries. Last week, I talked about one of the final films I’ve not yet covered on the site from Norman J. Warren. This week, it’s time to talk about another fave around here, Brett Piper. Waaaaay back in 2016, I looked at his 2000 flick Drainiac. That’s one that is kind of looked down on, but I like it for various reasons. I also looked at it for an episode of B-Movie Enema: The Series too. There is a bit of nostalgia for me on it, but I also fully understand it is not everyone’s cup of tea, all things considered.
Later, in 2019, I celebrated 150 reviews on the site with 1996’s They Bite. Now, this is one that is definitely much more of a wink-and-a-nod type of comedy exploitation horror for the Cinemax set. It’s about a porn production being menaced by an actual fish monster, and not the fish monster in their fish monster porno movie. But then I went back to Piper’s earliest efforts with 1985’s Battle for the Lost Planet and 1988’s Mutant War. Both of these are incredibly charming, and I love them for what they are. These sci-fi flicks both feature a lot of stop-motion animation which also revealed that Piper prefers the monster effects far more than making the movie the effects appear in. The latter film also has a villainous Cameron Mitchell, so you know we love that around here too.
We return to Piper’s love of creating stop-motion style monsters with this week’s movie, 2015’s Queen Crab.
Continue reading “Queen Crab (2015)” →
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