Happy Halloween Eve!  It’s that time of the year that B-Movie Enema does the Halloween special post.  The last two years I did Halloween: Resurrection and Halloween III: Season of the Witch.  Technically, both are listed with their theme months on this site’s category pages, but neither truly fit the actual month they appeared in.  Halloween: Resurrection had no vampires nor did Halloween III technically have any recognizable slasher villains – just a damn dirty Irishman drunk on Celtic need to kill children.

Fuckin’ Irish.

This year, the movie DOES fit the theme, Nights of Demons.  It’s the 2009 remake/reboot of one of my favorite 1980s horror movies, Night of the Demons.

However, I knew I would someday have to cover this movie only because I feel it necessary that if I loved the original one so much, I should be fair and cover one I’ve never had any interest in seeing (despite the lovely actresses in the movie) because I knew that it would probably be a poor reflection of all the things I loved about the original.  (NOTE: There is one more remake out there that I briefly touched upon for another movie I love very dearly for very different reasons that I’m saving for an absolute emergency, but that’s not what we’re here to talk about this week).

Alright, so just a few days ago, you read about the 1988 version.  It’s a movie that kind of stands out in director Kevin Tenney’s career.  He mostly made very low budget movies that, quite frankly (despite how much I genuinely think the guy is cool and has his heart in the right place in all his movies) are very poorly acted and seemingly just utter crap.  Fun crap, but crap nevertheless.  Seriously, Witchtrap may very well be one of the most fun movies  to watch just for the performances in it.

With Night of the Demons, Tenney struck gold.  He established a very simple premise very quickly – some kids go to a spooky house to have a Halloween party, wake up the demons possessing the house, and shit hits the fan.  He also established a villain in the form of Angela Franklin, not the first person possessed by the demons in Hull House, but their undisputed leader – who would appear in two sequels.  It was simple, it was well shot, it was fun, and it became every Gen-Xer’s favorite movie to watch at sleepovers (if it was even available to rent at the video store due to its popularity).

So why make a remake?  Well, because the 2000s have been dominated by those guys who grew up on the pop culture of the 70s, 80s, and 90s.  And, as it has been for time immemorial, nothing is sacred in Hollywood.  So, some guy, Adam Gierasch, and his wife, Jace, decide to write a new version that he’ll direct.  He dumps $10 million into the movie and gets notable names like Shannon Elizabeth, Monica Keena, a lady from a TLC “reality” show, a guy from one of the billions of Power Rangers shows, and Edward Furlong.

The film made $64,000.

But is it any goddamn good?  Welllll…  Let’s find out.  I’ve never seen it.  I’ve read the blurb from Dread Central on Wikipedia and I feel a little better about it, but, quite honestly, this movie has two strikes against it going in because it is a remake of a beloved movie of my youth, and, like so many other man-babies in the world, MY nostalgia is more important than trying new things.

Maybe I should try to make Shannon Elizabeth leave social media over my butt-hurt feelings about making a new Night of the Demons.

For real.  I joke about being irritated at reboots and remakes.  I even mentioned at the end of Friday’s post that I wasn’t sure what my reaction would be to this movie, but I am going to give it its fair shot.  Who knows…  Maybe I’ll really enjoy it!

The movie opens in an old mansion in New Orleans in 1925.  There are some freaky shit happening with demons and stuff.  A girl puts a noose around her neck and jumps off the balcony.  The act actually decapitates the lady, Evangeline, and her husband, Louis, gets some demonic eyes.  Okay, we’re off to some decent beginnings.

85 years later, Angela Feld (Elizabeth) is getting ready for a big ol’ party at the mansion where…  Wait.  Angela Feld?  Feld?!?  Not Franklin?!?!?!?  Oh, fuck this movie!  Unleash the alt-right!

Anyway, we meet Maddie (Keena – who can I just say is always very, very pretty and cute?), Lily, and Suzanne.  Lily and Suzanne are both dressed as sexy cats, you know because, fuck yeah, bro!  Sexy costumes for sexy whores at Halloween!  Maddie, who is much more reserved, goes the more sensible route with ripped clothing and bruises and cuts and stuff on her face.  She’s either a zombie or some sort of victim.  That’s not the point, these chicks start talking about getting Brazilian wax jobs on their cooches and I’m a-okay with that.

But here’s the real star…  Linnea Quigley giving a cameo in her old outfit.  (No lipstick insertion though).

We meet some of the other characters kind of similarly to the original movie.  We basically get their personalities.  Edward Furlong is kind of a wormy drug dealer.  I mean in the movie.  I don’t know what he’s up to in real life.  There are a couple of potheads with hearts of gold who use a paintball gun to snipe an older kid who is stealing kids’ candy help the kids out.  There’s a drug kingpin that Furlong’s character works for who seems to be pretty upset with him.  The whole time the kingpin is talking to Furlong, he’s getting a blowjob from a stripper.  It’s kind of a clever little joke.

Maddie, Lily, and Suzanne arrive at Angela’s party and it’s absolutely packed.  Lily reunites with one of the potheads, Dex, who was an old boyfriend of hers.  Colin (Furlong), is also there at the party and he’s Maddie’s ex.

Maddie goes to the bathroom and when looking in the mirror, a fucking scary demon hand comes out and grabs her!  She finds Suzanne and she shows her what happened, but the mirror isn’t broken.  It’s not even cracked.  They just chalk it up to a crazy prank put on by Angela.

Speaking of Angela, she makes her appearance at the party and espouses some more of the background on the Broussard House, which is where this movie is taking place.  Apparently, the girl who hung herself so well in 1925 that her goddamn fucking head fell off was a bit of a slut.  She invited some dudes over and they were all never heard from again.

So Angela says she wants to start a new era of debauchery at the Broussard House.  She wants people dancing, drinking, and fucking all over the place.

So the party continues, and Suzanne gets super drunk, Dex and Lily go to fuck, and Maddie starts talking to the other stoner man.  Angela finds out that Colin has gotten into the party and there’s some shit with that.  What’s weird is there are far more people at this party, far more backstory to the place that the party is taking place, and far more, just, stuff happening.  But the movie isn’t better.  That’s not to say it is necessarily bad.  I am actually kind of enjoying this for being kind of a brainless 2000s horror movie that emphasizes the ancillary stuff that fill out a horror movie instead of the actual parts that make a horror movie great.

It’s a strange experience.  It doesn’t fill me with disappointment like so many remakes do, but it also doesn’t really add anything.  It’s just borrowing a title, some generic bits about what should happen in the movie with that title, and then just runs with it.  This first act doesn’t seem to be much more than just bits and bobs of a party with generic drinking, drugs, and sex happening.  We’ve sort of met our main characters, but they don’t feel as deeply fleshed out as the original cast did.  They are who they are on the surface.  Maddie isn’t as squeaky clean as Judy was, but when compared to her friends Lily and Suzanne who like to have their snatches waxed and ready for guys to pound, she seems totally innocent and pure – even though she talked about how much she like fucking the Edward Furlong character.

It’s just… weird.  I haven’t really found any characters that I want to latch onto.  That’s usually not a good thing.  But I will say that the eye candy of the movie is preventing it from being a complete travesty.

The police raids the party and shut down the party.  The main characters return to the house because they can’t find Suzanne.  Furlong, during the raid, shoved his drugs down a grate and he and Angela go to the basement to try to find where the vent led to.  They find a secret room where there are a bunch of bodies just lying around.  Angela surmises that the bodies must be the people who disappeared from Evangeline’s party.  When she sees a gold tooth in one of the skulls, she goes to grab it, but the skeleton bites her.  It makes her feel woozy and a little weird.

I mean, right?  A fucking dead skeleton fucking bit her!  I wouldn’t just feel woozy, I’d puke EVERYWHERE.  I mean EVERYwhere.

On top of that, the gate is now closed and locked which isn’t letting anyone out.  Everyone comes into the house defeated that they stuck there.  Angela mentions that she supposes they will be spending the night.  Suzanne tells everyone that the way the bodies were arranged must be black magic.  Evangeline used all sorts of magic to get the man she loved to love her back.  Dark spirits tricked the lady into inviting people over for a Halloween seance.  Something went wrong and boom!  Demons.

Angela, not feeling so good, goes to the bathroom.  Her eyes turn orange and her hands are turning into claws.  She gets an idea to start some trouble.  She joins in on a game of Spin the Bottle.  Dex spins and lands on Angela.  They start making out and he gets infected.  Jealous, Lily takes Dex into a bedroom to talk about how she didn’t care so much for that make out session with Angela.  So they fuck – which infects Lily.  By fucking her in the butt.  Right in the ol’ pooper.

So things are kind of escalating quickly here.  We go 30 minutes with no demons.  Then, all of a sudden – three demons in like three minutes!  Now, call me crazy, but I think it’s just so we can see people fuck and girls making out with each other.

So we can’t have a Night of the Demons movie without a scene where Angela dances for someone.  But this time, it’s Shannon Elizabeth and she is dancing sexy for another hot girl.

Hot.

Okay, so everyone in the house is either a demon or a lesbian demon or getting demon fucked in the butt.  Maddie, stoner guy, and Furlong are outside looking for an exit, but aren’t having much luck.  Stoner guy goes to the restroom and finds Lily.  She asks him to fix whiskers with her lipstick.  Uh oh.

I know where this is going.

Now, rightfully so, this freaks out the stoner guy.  ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE PULLS IT OUT HER TWAT!

Okay, so that is seriously one of the grossest things I have ever fucking seen.  Real or in a movie.  I assume it also didn’t sit too well with stoner man.  He comes out and tells Maddie and Furlong about what he saw.  So the grossest thing I’ve ever seen in a movie is followed up with one of the funniest things ever said in a movie.  He keeps stuttering and stumbling over his words until he finally has the courage to say, “She stuck her lipstick in her boob and it fell out of her pussy!  Okay?”

He takes them to the bathroom but she’s not there and the blood stoner guy said he saw isn’t there either.  They go looking for Lily, but see some sort of creature scurry down the hall.  Suzanne, who is now a faceless demon attacks.  They escape only to run into full on demonic Angela.  They decide to go to the basement to find the tunnel that Angela earlier mentioned would lead to the next estate over.  They go down to the basement to find weapons and the tunnel.

While down there, they do find a shotgun.  When the demons start heading to the basement to get them, they end up in the room with the skeletons, but Maddie is quick to point out there were six skeletons, but now there are only two.  Luckily they are able to find the tunnel.  However, unluckily, they discover the tunnel has recently caved in and led them to a dead end.

Some vines fly out and grab them and hold them while demons come to either eat their fucking faces or maybe just turn them into demons too.  I’m not exactly sure what the demons’ plans were in any of these movies.  Are they just out to kill people or what?  Seems like anyone they kill turn into demons too.  So are they killing two birds with one stone?

Anyway, they find out that the gun is doing exactly jack and shit for them.  BUT! They had a rod that had rust on it.  The rust hurt them.  They get attacked by Lily, who is now all green and has tentacles in her tits to grab people.  That’s handy.

And kinda hot.

They escape back upstairs in the house and barricade themselves in a bedroom.  In this room, they discover a bunch of text and magic spells that the maid scribbled on the wall to protect her from whatever happened back in 1925.  Maddie, a sudden expert on all this beeswax with demons and magic spells, asserts that if they stay in that room, they will be safe.  Me?  I’d like to either make out with Shannon Elizabeth or get stroked off by Lily’s tentacle tits.  But I guess I’d maybe also like to hang out with Monica Keena too.

Alright, so here’s the deal.  As long as seven people are possessed by these demons, they can pretty much bring about the end of the world.  Evangeline realized she wasn’t going to make it to dawn so she killed herself ruining the plans in 1925.  So now the plan is to wait until dawn.  If they make it to dawn, they’re safe and the demons lose.  That’s gonna make for a pretty boring last 20 or so minutes, so the movie throws in a little demon orgy.

Also, apparently the demons can just open the door to the safe room.  Maddie sees Angela in the hallway, but the guys are deeply asleep.  She says she’s going to fuck Edward Furlong’s brains out and turn him into a demon.  However, Angela still can’t come into the room.  They realize they only have about an hour to stay in the room, but suddenly the walls start bleeding which is washing away the spells which allows the demons to break through the walls.

They desperately scribble enough back onto the walls to make the demons go away and then all of a sudden the sun is up and they think all is safe!  Furlong goes to take a peek to see what’s up.  He doesn’t see anything and they start collecting things that have rust on it just in case.  They all think everything is just peachy and head for the door.  However, they realize something isn’t quite right.  They’ve been tricked.  It is still night and they are now vulnerable.  The demons start attacking them, but their rusty bits of metal seems to be helping.  Unfortunately, Angela gets stoner guy, who is apparently named Jason, by the by.  So now we’re down to just Furlong and Maddie.

He sees a tub full of blood which surely isn’t good.  They check it and believe nothing is in there, but Dex comes flying out of it and tries to get him.  So apparently the bathroom wasn’t protected by the spells so he was able to get into the bathroom.  He then falls through the floor into the basement.  Maddie says she’s going to go down there and get him.  Why?  Why you do that?  Demons?  Bite, kiss, or fuck you and you’re one of them and they are one step closer to fucking up the world?  Is Edward Furlong that worthy of being saved in the present situation?  I mean Terminator 2 was fucking awesome, but…

So she goes to save him and he turns into a demon.

Maddie gets back up to the bedroom where the safety bits are on the wall and starts to gear up for a final fight.  She loads the gun with rusty nails.  She makes brass knuckles out of some rusty wire.  It’s all good.  And pretty sexy too.  I dunno about you, but I’m all for women armed to the teeth and covered in blood.  It;s… kind of is a thing for me.

Buuuut.  I have a question.  Why not just stay in the safe room?  Are you now just totally nuts?  Worried that doesn’t make for a very good ending?  I mean it is realistic as fuck…  I think in real life there is only two ways this ends.  1) People just never find that room and they die horribly or 2) they do find the room and they stay there all night.

Anyway, whatever.  Maddie starts blowing these fucking demons to shit with her gun full of rusty stuff.  She is just about to be taken by the demons when she notices it is 6am and the sun is coming up.  She goes outside, and just like Evangeline did, decides she’ll just hang herself to keep the world safe.

Wait…  What?  This is Monica Keena.  She defeated BOTH Jason AND Freddy!  She just gonna do herself in like this…  Oh wait.  It’s a trick.  She rigged a thing to make the demons think she killed herself.  The sun comes up and pulls a Thanos and turns all the demons to dust and puts them all back in the basement and she walks off victorious – despite all her friends and two guys she was digging being fucking Deadsville.

I enjoyed this version.  It isn’t quite like the original in all the nuance and fun it had, but the new one had its own sense of fun and made no bones (heh) about what it was.  It’s just a 2000s horror movie that wanted to play off those ideas of the original and still have boobies and lesbian kissing and stuff.  I can get behind that.

It’s not something I will ever probably own (unless I get a really good price), but if it shows up on TV around Halloween, I’ll definitely watch it again.

Well, it looks like the sun has come up on Nights of Demons Month here at B-Movie Enema.  It’s time to move into November and where we will start is a really obscure little police revenge horror rock and roll (sorta) movie from the 80s that I’m not sure I can do justice, but I will do my very best.

Come back next week for Blue Vengeance!