In 2021, I was able to return HorrorHound Weekend in Cincinnati for the first time since it was here in Indianapolis way back in September 2019. Part of my enjoyment of attending those shows is finding tables that are selling DVDs and Blu Rays. Sure, Vinegar Syndrome, Severin, Full Moon Features, Troma, and Synapse are all there. However, it’s one table in particular that I always make sure to visit. At this table, you’ll find all sorts of old, out of print, or forgotten films from the 60s, 70s, and 80s. I spend a lot of money at this table each and every show.

That’s where this week’s B-Movie Enema feature, Hide and Go Shriek came from. Is there anything really special about this movie? Not really. It’s a late 80s slasher. There were a ton of those in that era. It doesn’t really star anyone of note. By god, the name of the director is Skip Schoolnik… That sounds like a damn cartoon character! The cover of this copy makes it uncertain if the woman is scared because the killer with the foot tattoo is about to find her or his feet stink and she’s reacting to that funk.

Maybe the most interesting behind the scenes story to this movie is that it features makeup and effects by Screaming Mad George. That’s the professional moniker of Joji Tani. He was born in Japan and began as a punk rocker in the band The Mad. The band made incredibly gory music videos with effects done by Tani. This got him a gig working on big budget Hollywood movies where he adopted the name Screaming Mad George which was inspired by Tani’s love of Mad Magazine and American singer Screamin’ Jay Hawkins.

Right out of the gate, he got a job doing effects for John Carpenter’s Big Trouble in Little China. He then followed it up with a string of big movies like Predator, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3, and A Nightmare on Elm Street 4. He also did effects for the deliciously slimy Brian Yuzna goopy masterpiece Society. he continued working with Yuzna on a few movies, including 2000’s Faust: Love of the Damned.

I don’t think I need to say anything more about how much I liked Faust’s effects. As for Schoolnik, he mostly did a lot of TV as either a director or a producer. He also served as editor for TV movies, and specifically with TV versions of Halloween and Halloween II. Later on, Schoolnik’s biggest hits were working as producer on The Walking Dead and director on shows like Angel (the Buffy the Vampire Slayer spinoff) and Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction. Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction is best known as a meme these days with Jonathan Frakes telling you that you’re wrong.

One last note before we dive into Hide and Go Shriek is that the character of Skip in Angel was named in tribute to Schoolnik. So, with that, let’s get into this slasher in a furniture store.

Wait… it takes place where?

Yeah, Hide and Go Shriek follows a tradition, of sorts, created by Chopping Mall. However, I wouldn’t say it’s a bad one. This “tradition” is the idea of a kid who either has the keys to a store or whose family owns the store that can give him and his friends access to the place after hours for partying. It’s not a bad concept for real-world application and use of budget because it can give you all sorts of easy scene setups without having to spend too much on the production. The problem, as we will see in this movie, is that it leads to characters making baffling decisions. But what are we waiting for? Let’s get to the movie!

The movie opens with a tense slow pan across a part of the Los Angeles downtown skyline. I know it’s Los Angeles because I’ve been there and especially in the downtown area and it’s very dirty, boring, and dangerous looking. Inside one of the buildings, a man is shaving. When he’s done, he applies makeup. But also puts on a suit and tie. He drives down to skid row where he drives slowly by the hookers (both male and female). When the prostitutes look in the car, they react in horror. He stops at a comely blonde. He points to her, and she approaches smiling. She is not scared by this person in the car. That night, he takes her to a dingy alley where he bangs her and stabs her, leaving her to die on the street.

I guess that’s why the other hookers were scared of this guy.

After the credits, we begin meeting our main cast made up of four couples. There are two girls who are a little more your typical good girls, Judy and Melissa, who have lied to their parents about where their sleepover that night is happening. They are going to meet the two more typical “sexy” girls, Bonnie (played by Bunky Jones who has my favorite name of the entire cast) and Kim. Kim is talking about wanting to go to college to make something of herself. Bonnie seems to be more interested in fucking and marrying a rich guy. Bonnie is already basically getting engaged. Judy is a virgin and really nervous about doing it with her boyfriend.

On the guys’ side, we start with John, who is Bonnie’s boyfriend/sort of fiancé. Shawn, a very young looking and kind of dorky guy, who is Melissa’s boyfriend. Then there’s Randy, Kim’s boyfriend. Finally, there’s David who is playing a slow game with Judy until she’s ready for the sex.

These friends have just graduated high school. John’s family owns a furniture store. They plan to party, get drunk, and do sex. As they unload the van’s supplies, Shawn and John see the new dock worker for the store, a guy named Fred, who is an ex-convict. Shawn finds the guy, and his snake tattoo on his hand and wrist to be creepy. John says he’s an alright guy.

The couples pour into the store before the place closed for the day. They split up and hide out and wait for John’s father to leave. Even the sales guy leaving with John’s dad thinks he’s crazy to keep this ex-con around. John’s dad actually knows quite a bit about Fred and trusts him. He even lets him live in the basement temporarily. Fred’s just broken up with his girlfriend and doesn’t have a place to stay.

This also means that the four couples don’t know that Fred’s there nor does he know they are there.

John asks that no one spill any beer or food on the furniture. They have to keep all their drinks and food at the couches where they were hanging out. Don’t touch the vases or the mannequins because they can break. Don’t turn on the lights because that means the lights could be seen from the street and it would give away that someone is inside. Jeez… Is this a party or what?

But DO play practical jokes on each other.

Kim comes up with the idea to play Hide and Go Seek. Everyone thinks this is a pretty great idea too. They really like the idea to make sure Kim is the first one to be It. That’s what you get for trying to liven up this party, Sexpants McBlondie.

Pretty much all the hiders decide to take the opportunity to use the close quarter hiding spots to make out and, I dunno, finger blast each other. I kind of like that this movie is named after the very game they are playing with a slight twist to add “Shriek”. What do the people do? Not really play Hide and Go Seek. Instead, they use it as an excuse to get the fuck away from everyone else so they can start making with the intercourse.

Also… Bonnie and John decide this is as good of time as any to drink some champagne and fuck. I know very, very little about Bunky Jones. This was her last movie she did. She was only about 21 or so when this was made. Sadly, she passed away in 2015 from causes unknown – at least from what I can find. All that said, Bunky is easily the most watchable person in this movie. Sure, all the girls are cute. Okay, all the guys have some sort of discernable difference in their looks and attitudes, but Bunky? She’s got a crazy amount of hair. She has SO MUCH HAIR. She also has that teeny tiny shirt. Then, she has a really cute face. But then… Then she gives the camera the sexiest of seductive looks as she takes off the tiny shirt for John.

And us.

Bunky’s character, Bonnie, is kind of a jerk in this movie. She kind of thinks she’s better than everyone else because she is going to marry John who will be taking over the family furniture business. But dang if she’s not someone who draws your eyes to her in every second of her screen time. She’ll basically go nuts by the end of this movie which only increases her watchability.

Anyway, while Bonnie and John fuck in one of the bedroom models in this cavernous store, there is another unexpected person attending this party – our killer man. Because John and Bonnie also decided to fuck on top of a bed (granted, they did try to hide under the covers when they heard Kim coming), they get found, rather easily, and became It.

Virgin Judy and David are still crammed together between a couch and the wall. They are sharing chaste kisses while I’m sure David just has the biggest of raging boners being that they are smooshed together like that.

Meanwhile, I’m not so sure that Shawn and Melissa like each other that much. Shawn told one of the other guys that he doesn’t know that himself. Seemingly, Melissa was looking forward to having Shawn, who looks like he’s about 12, give her plumbing a roto-rooter treatment. In fact, Kim, being a good pal that she is, even gave Melissa the sexy lingerie she planned to wear for Randy. With that little lacy number, Melissa could have a real fun night.

But then, we see them sitting there like this…

They basically make the decision to just be friends, but then Melissa kisses him. This makes Shawn have puberty and he has some other ideas that he hopes to take advantage of later. Anyway, they all go back to the base couch to have a beer, snack on some chicken. Everyone takes off and John and Bonnie begin seeking. While everyone does that, our sneaky killer man chains the doors.

Anyway, back to Shawn and Melissa. They stop at the first bed they find and start making out on it. Melissa remembers that she has sexy lingerie to put on. She goes tot he bathroom to do this while Shawn waits. In the bathroom, the stalker killer man attacks Melissa and kills her by bashing her head on the sink and then drowning her.

Judy and David are making out on yet another bed in the store. Judy is still not so sure about making fuck. More than anything, she’s scared that one of the others will suddenly jump out scare them. So it’s just making out for them. Elsewhere, Kim and Randy are in another bedroom setup and start making out on, guess what, a bed. They hear the elevator coming and they have to go hide assuming that it is Bonnie and John coming for them. Poor Shawn is still just waiting for that first chest hair to grow.

Shawn goes looking for Melissa. He sees someone giggling and running around in the shadows while wearing the lingerie Melissa brought. It’s the killer man who grabs Shawn by the throat. He’s lifted up over the crazy killer man’s head and thrown onto these spikes killing him before he could ever know what’s like to have both of his testicles drop.

Kim and Randy get bored. They realize that it’s very likely John and Bonnie have stopped to fuck again instead of doing the seeking part of the game Hide and Go Seek. Annnnd, sure enough, that’s what’s going on.

Bonnie gets pissed that John finished in 10 seconds. Didn’t… What about earlier? Oh fuck it. She says she wasn’t as ready for him as he was to stick it in her. Randy and Kim jump in and get them for dinner. Randy and Kim also make fun of John over the whole two-pump chump act that he just performed on Bonnie.

This is something that comes up a couple times in this movie. Once earlier, and once now. Everyone was supposed to eat dinner together at 12 o’clock. I assume they mean midnight, but okay. For one, what time did they get into the place? 8? That’s already after dinner. Is this second dinner? Next, Bonnie is ADAMANT that they are to EAT TOGETHER. Uh… who cares? This is supposed to be a party, not a dinner engagement. Thirdly, They are not eating all together because they couldn’t find Melissa and Shawn. So… I guess throw out #2. Bonnie’s apparently not that adamant about eating together at midnight.

Is Bonnie just being a bossy bitch? Don’t get me wrong… I can think of worse things than being bossed around by a skinny sex machine with a whole bunch of hair. What’s more is that John gets REALLY pissed saying “Bedtime’s for bed time. This is dinner time. I can’t BELEIVE they didn’t come down to EAT!” It’s not that big of a deal, dude. As the three remaining couples search for Shawn and Melissa, they get extra agitated that they can’t find them.

Finally, everyone gives up the search when John says, “Forget it. We’re going to bed!”

Some party. Everyone does indeed go to bed. David and Judy decide they are going to finally do the deed. They go to try to find a nice secluded place to screw around. While Bonnie and John start getting yet another round of sexy time going (oh, to be young and virile again), the killer guy comes in dressed as Shawn. They can’t see his face, but they can see him flying the bird at them and then moon them. John decides he needs to kick a child’s ass and chases after him.

The killer gets the drop on John, but John is able to fight him off fairly well until the killer, named Zack, is able to get a little bit of an upper hand.

Literally.

For whatever reason, Bonnie deicides to get out of bed, and hide under the bed. That’s where she sees Zack’s foot with the snake tattoo. I don’t know at all why she got out of bed to hide. I don’t know if she just intuited that her boyfriend just got rammed through with a mannequin’s arm or what, but she hid and knows there is an uninvited guest at the party.

Judy and David agree that it seems like everyone went to bed. So it’s time to get their fuck on. Judy decides she wants to do something special for the first time. So she takes off her little white Keds, slips off her socks, and puts on some high heels so she can do a sexy dance.

The virgin Judy watched a porno and saw those moves and decided, “This is what sex is.” She basically learned sex and seduction the same way dumb 15 year old boys do! Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the scene. I REALLY appreciate the scene, but that was bonkers.

Elsewhere, Kim gets out of bed to go take a shit or something. Zack sneaks in and steals Randy’s clothes to attack her. She tries to get on the elevator to escape to another floor, but Zack jumps on the elevator. Randy finds Bonnie who tells him that 1) John is missing and 2) there’s another guy here with a snake tattoo. They wake up Judy and David so they can get in on the search for this other guy.

When Kim can’t be found on the third floor where she was headed when Zack jumped onto the elevator, they go back down only to reveal to us that Kim is tied to the top of the elevator.

The search gets a little freakier for our remaining foursome when they see the mannequins positioned in different, creepy ways around corners and in beds. David comes up with the idea of sending the elevator up but using the stairs to beat the elevator and get the jump on whoever it is that might be playing around with them. They see someone dancing in Kim’s clothes and in a blonde wig. Judy realizes it is definitely not Kim.

The foursome find that the phones don’t work. They also soon discover that all the doors have been chained. They also find out something we knew from earlier. When John’s dad left with the sales guy, the old man attributed that there had been no break-in attempts while Fred has been staying in the building. The sales guy thinks it’s more likely due to the shatter-proof windows they installed. Randy is discovering that right now as he tries to use a coffee table to break the glass to get out.

That glass is not just shatter-proof, it’s also sound proof. They try to get the attention of a bum across the street, but he just thinks they are waving at him. Cops pull up and consider busting the bum, but they drive off thinking he probably smells too bad to put in the back of the car. They also don’t see the kids in the window.

They decide to find a place where they can make a stand. They also decide they need to turn on the lights. Just as they are about to turn on the lights, Zack cuts the wires making it even darker with only the red glow of the emergency lights replacing the few lights that remain on when the rest are shut off. They find the problem with the lights. Bonnie handles this well.

Seeing that doorknob, Bonnie figures maybe there’s something in there they can use. They find Shawn and Melissa’s bodies. Judy is now freaking out and Bonnie is almost completely useless at this point. When Bonnie tries to pull a mannequin arm to grab as a weapon, she finds it’s covered in blood. When a piece of sheet metal falls, they find the body of John.

And Bunky Jones and George Thomas act the shit out of this discovery with their faces.

That’s… That’s just great. George Thomas is whimpering and about to blubber of the loss of his friend. Bunky looks like she has just had a fucking living nightmare and is so over everything. It’s the shot of this movie. “Hey Geoff… You ever seen Hide and Go Shriek?”

What’s even better is how they shuffle off as a group like it’s a cartoon.

As they back away from John’s body, Fred comes up from behind. He shouts, “Hey! Kids!” and Judy bashes him across the face with a mannequin arm. Now that it is getting closer to dawn, the old man at the newsstand sees the four kids walking around in the furniture store. So he calls the cops to report a break-in.

Randy says they should stay where it’s dark, but is soon convinced that maybe they should be hunting the killer. In fact, it’s actually Judy who really gets behind the idea of hunting and fighting the killer. When Fred chases the kids down, Bonnie leads the bum rush to tackle Fred and they hogtie him to wait for the employees to show up in the morning.

They ride up the elevator to look for Kim, but they hear commotion on top of the elevator. Kim’s there with Zack and she’s wiggled free of the ropes that have her tied up. She tries to reach for the to help, but, uh oh, the next floor is coming up soon. This is why you get Screaming Mad George to do an effect for you.

The four friends retreat to a place where they can try to defend themselves. They also try to make sense of everything that’s happened to those who have been killed. David gets pissed and is ready for the killer to come at them.

The problem is… The killer is hiding behind the bed in the mock bedroom they are gathered in.

Zack is able to slash Randy on the chest. He runs off and gets a running start back toward the kids, but Fred tackles Zack. Here’s the twist… Fred and Zack were lovers in prison. When they were released, Fred told Zack it was over. However, Zack keeps coming back like an obsessed lover. It was different in jail because they needed each other, but now Fred wanted to try to start a new life. Zack swears he will never go back to prison and the two former lovers fight. Zack stabs Fred in the neck with a hunting knife.

Judy picks up the straight razor Zack had and lunges for him but he dodges, only to slip on Kim’s head blood. He falls seemingly to his death down the elevator shaft. The cops and John’s father come in to clean up everything and care for the injured. Fred explains everything about how Zack used to get beat up in prison so he cared for him, but he couldn’t break it off easily when they got out. Zack kept coming back. He dies after apologizing. The kids get loaded into the ambulance and they’re off to years and years of counseling – especially for Judy and Bonnie because Judy got bloodthirsty and Bonnie had her brain completely break in many pieces.

Oh, and Zack survived the multiple dozens of feet drop down the elevator shaft and killed an EMT to take off in the ambulance with our survivors inside.

For what it is, Hide and Go Shriek is really not that bad. There are definitely some silly things like how John brings everyone to party but sets up so many rules that all the partygoers can do is fuck. The sexy dance that Judy does to make her first time having sex really special is nuts. There’s also that whole element of Bonnie requiring people to all eat at the same time like a crazy person. Also, Bunky Jones is acting her tits off this whole movie. Here’s a great example:

Ultimately, there is one big thing that sticks out like a sore thumb and could be kind of iffy. It’s well established that Zack has elements of crossdressing and is definitely bisexual and might even be trans. He’s definitely homicidal. It’s part of that era of gay men or guys who wear makeup or women’s clothing were just weird and potentially dangerous. While I don’t think this intended to make Zack’s sexuality a reason for his homicidal tendencies, it could easily be called into question. I do think there was an honest attempt to just put a spin on the jealous former lover who can’t let that relationship stay in the past. Which, I admit, I do like the concept. It also helped Zack blend in by dressing as one of the victims to lure others into danger.

For all that I mentioned above, this is not a bad watch with a group. It’s 90 minutes, it moves well enough that when there are lulls, there are weird things to puzzle over. So it does keep things fun. Next week, we check in on some classic crime drama action with Fred “The Hammer” Williamson in his 1975 directorial debut, Mean Johnny Barrows.

Be sure to come back for that. In the in between time, why not follow B-Movie Enema on Facebook and Twitter and make sure to subscribe to the B-Movie Enema channel on YouTube to check out the various vids that get posted there. That way you can be aware when it’s time for each new article of B-Movie Enema!

So, yeah. That’s all she wrote for this week’s B-Movie Enema. I… Uh. I didn’t come up with anything clever to close things out. Maybe I should… just… leave. Bye.