Abducted By the Daleks (2005)

Oh boy…

You know what I often think about while watching Doctor Who? Big-tittied Eurobabes getting fucked by Daleks. What can I say? I’m a fucking weirdo. For real, this week’s B-Movie Enema article dives deep into the anal cavities of mid-00s direct to video sleaze and pornography. This skin flick goes by two names, but the one it gets most notoriety for is Abducted By the Daleks.

Naturally, England’s BBC is not too keen about something they have ownership of being used as sex toys so that other title this movie goes by is Abducted By the Daloids. Yeah. You’re not fooling anyone.

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Mean Johnny Barrows (1976)

Welcome to this week’s B-Movie Enema. This week, we’re following the exploits of Mean Johnny Barrows as he tries to bring himself up out of the gutter and get back at the Man for always standing in the way of him and his prosperity.

Now, you may look at that opening salvo for this article and think, “Sweet! This is Fred Williamson in a blaxploitation classic!” I don’t blame you for thinking that. I thought that too. However, it’s not. It’s not listed as a notable blaxploitation flick. It’s more of a crime drama than an exploitation movie. Yes, it is directed by Williamson himself and he likely got that opportunity because of the 70s black cinema coming into prominence. Yet, this seems to transcend the blaxploitation moniker.

I’m sure there will be elements here. I mean he’s dishonorably discharged from the military. He’s busted for being drunk. He’s homeless. He’s not able to be with the woman he loves. He blames these things on the Man, and there’s probably fair reason to. So, yeah, the mistake thinking this is part of the blaxploitation subgenre that was running through black cinema of the time is acceptable and understandable.

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Hide and Go Shriek (1988)

In 2021, I was able to return HorrorHound Weekend in Cincinnati for the first time since it was here in Indianapolis way back in September 2019. Part of my enjoyment of attending those shows is finding tables that are selling DVDs and Blu Rays. Sure, Vinegar Syndrome, Severin, Full Moon Features, Troma, and Synapse are all there. However, it’s one table in particular that I always make sure to visit. At this table, you’ll find all sorts of old, out of print, or forgotten films from the 60s, 70s, and 80s. I spend a lot of money at this table each and every show.

That’s where this week’s B-Movie Enema feature, Hide and Go Shriek came from. Is there anything really special about this movie? Not really. It’s a late 80s slasher. There were a ton of those in that era. It doesn’t really star anyone of note. By god, the name of the director is Skip Schoolnik… That sounds like a damn cartoon character! The cover of this copy makes it uncertain if the woman is scared because the killer with the foot tattoo is about to find her or his feet stink and she’s reacting to that funk.

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Radical Jack (2001)

So, yeah, back at Christmas, I took a look at the 1991 film Cool As Ice starring flash in the pan rap superstar Vanilla Ice. I hated it. I really hated it. But, because it’s me, and I hate myself more than, well, I guess more than anything, I want to look at another movie starring another flash in the pan recording artist.

That’s what B-Movie Enema is all about, kids. I torture myself with movies starring Vanilla Ice or, as it is this week, Billy Ray Cyrus. In 2001, Mr. Ray Cyrus decided he would become a motorcycle-riding gritty action star and star opposite Michelle Pfeiffer’s sister, Dedee, in James Allen Bradley’s direct-to-video magnum opus Radical Jack. Sigh…

Well, at least there is a hot chick who gets naked in this movie…

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Another Cinema Snob Movie (2019)

We’ve been here before, kiddos.

Think back to 2019. In March of that year, I ripped off five weeks of pornos from the 70s and 80s and called it Blue March. I knew the only way to follow that up was to feature a movie made by Brad Jones, the Cinema Snob. It was the only fitting tribute I could pay to someone whose content never fails to entertain me. To do that, I had to take a look at his 2012 origin film The Cinema Snob Movie.

Fast forward to nearly 3 years later, I just came off a month full of Tinto Brass movies and I have to figure out how to best follow that up. So it’s to you, Mr. Jones, to step up to the plate once more! Yes, it’s time to take a look at the 2019 sequel Another Cinema Snob Movie.

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Monamour (2006)

Welcome to the conclusion of Tinto Brass Extravaganza here at B-Movie Enema. So far, we’ve featured a comedy with some fairly mixed morals on sex and love in Cheeky!, followed by a very good drama about an Italian aristocrat falling in love with a Nazi officer in Black Angel, and then a mixed bag of shorts in the anthology Private. Now it’s up to our final entry, the 2006 drama Monamour, to tip the scales to one side or another in terms of full on quality.

I’ll admit, that while not everything in Cheeky! is something I would like to deal with as a lover of a free spirit, I absolutely cannot deny that there is lots of very pretty things to look at whenever Yuliya Mayarchuk was on screen. It made the movie watchable and kind of vaguely enjoyable for its raw sexuality. Hell, I’d say the movie dropped any pretense of sensuality to just give us a lot of Ukrainian beaver cinematography.

Private is split 50/50. Half the stories were interesting or sexy, and one was even kind of sweet at the end to put a bow on the whole anthology. But that didn’t pretend to be sensual either. It was anywhere from 12-15 minutes of the private lives of very horny couples. VERY horny couples. Black Angel was where Brass dumped all his effort into actually exploring sensuality. It had an aging woman aching for excitement even if it had to come from something wrapped in the uniform of objective evil. As an aging person myself, well, well, well past his prime in most everything except for eating McRibs and writing about B-movies, I can identify with that.

Monamour seems to be a bit of a return to that exploration and need of a return to sexual excitement and spontaneity.

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Private (2003)

Here we are in the third week of Tinto Brass Extravaganza at B-Movie Enema, and, so far, we’ve had a sex comedy with very confusing messaging and a very serious erotic Nazi drama. This week, we do something different again – we have ourselves an anthology. Private, as it is titled here, is made up of six independent vignettes.

The vignettes largely deal with couples and their various sexual turn-ons and either retelling stories that feature them or a pursuit of doing these things. Mostly, we’re looking into the lives of normal people who have kinks. The title in Italian is Fallo! which is translated to English as Do It! However, Fallo is also the Italian word for Phallus. So it’s a little bit of a play on words again as with the Italian title for Cheeky! a couple weeks ago.

Just guessing, but I assume all the potential titles that you can use for this film all tips the film’s hand at showing these private moments of couples, their perversions, and the tendency of these people to want to, or be encouraged to continue to, keep doing what they are doing. I will give Brass one thing – he has lovely free association with his titles and plots. Also, the Italian Fallo! cover of this movie looks like a dick with a giant set of balls. Also, the Private DVD cover looks like an American back room porno tape.

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Black Angel (2002)

Welcome back to B-Movie Enema and this month’s theme, Tinto Brass Extravaganza!

Wowzers did things get started in a real weird way last week with Cheeky! That movie created all sorts of incredibly confusing thoughts and feelings. Taken on its face, it’s about this drop dead gorgeous woman and her sexual exploits from Italy to England. Taken on a slightly different level, it’s more of a sexual fairy tale of twists and turns in a world where EVERYONE is getting laid. Maybe, just maybe, it really is meant to be taken on that face value based on its popular English title. On the other hand, its Italian title is a play on the words for transgress and betray. Using that, it’s (potentially) a much darker movie than you think. It’s not something to compare so much to the popular Emanuelle films, but instead a much more immature porn film.

So to fix that, this week, we’re looking at Black Angel – an erotic Nazi film.

I sure know how to pick ’em, don’t I, Enemaniacs?

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