Dementia 13 (1963)

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This week, I decided to give myself a treat.  Yes, if I look at four of the last seven weeks, I’ve had a pretty good run of movies that were at least pretty enjoyable and worthy of saying I liked.  However, I’m in charge of this damn blog so when I want to treat myself to a better movie, then goddammit, that’s my prerogative.

So let’s talk about Francis Ford Coppola.  He’s a maker of fine films like Jack, Captain EO, and Godfather III: The Revenge.  He also makes either wine or grape jelly – or BOTH…?  He also made Sofia Coppola who made a fine movie that no one knows what the fucking last line of is but I bet it’s juuuuust right. Continue reading “Dementia 13 (1963)” →

Alexander the Great (1968)

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Holy hot damn son of a bitch mother fucker great balls of fire.  William Shatner AND Adam West star in this week’s B-Movie Enema, the 1968 made for television extravaganza Alexander the Great.

Just look at that cover to that DVD on the left.  Look at Adam West down there in the bottom left hand corner looking up lovingly at a redheaded Shatner riding a horse in his little cape.  In the bottom center, it looks like that Klingon guy who couldn’t stop with the fucking Shakespeare in Star Trek VI is in this too. Continue reading “Alexander the Great (1968)” →

Malibu Express (1985)

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It’s time to dive into some Andy Sidaris.  And by “dive into some Andy Sidaris”, I pretty much mean to motorboat the shit out of its tits.

What can I say about Andy Sidaris and his movies?  Well, they usually feature stacked blondes.  They are, in some sort of way, connected in a shared universe.  Malibu Express kicks off the “L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies” series that would continue for 11 more movies.  Each of these movies, except for this one, would see at least one recurring character come along to help out the crew of government lady agents. Continue reading “Malibu Express (1985)” →

Brainscan (1994)

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Remember Edward Furlong?  Yeah, the good John Connor.  He’s in this movie.  So is Skeletor, Frank Langella.  Today, we’re going to look at 1994’s Brainscan!

Oh, and it also looks like Daniel Craig also plays a scary guy with a stretched out face!

In the 90s, technology was flooding our everyday lives.  Computers with the interwebs and the lightning fast 14:4 modems that delivered to us super high contrast colored websites and flying toasters.  It was only fair to assume it was going to filter into our movies.  Once in the movies, naturally, it was time for it to take over horror, sci-fi, and horscirorfi. Continue reading “Brainscan (1994)” →

Drainiac (2000)

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Today, we talk about another find thanks to the Roku channel Bizarre TV.

From director Brett Piper, whose website says he’s been “makin’ movies since the early 80s”  (literally, it says “makin'”), comes a little film called Drainiac.  What is kinda nice about this movie, and some other things that Piper’s website talks about, is that this does seem to capture a feel of a bygone age of B-Movies.  In some ways, I suppose it does have some of the feel of the drive-in horror movies that were around before my time and in my youth of the early 80s.  In other ways, it resembles that “regional” film making appeal that was used often in the 70s – this would have been when small, independent movies, usually starring no one of consequence, would get made in a state or region of the country for the sole purpose of only ever playing in the local theaters or drive-ins. Continue reading “Drainiac (2000)” →

Bride of the Gorilla (1951)

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Is there anything better than a man in a monkey suit?

Well, probably, but in an old movie, well…  Yeah, I guess there are still things better than a man in a monkey suit.  However!  It’s still pretty great.  As is Lon Chaney, Jr. who was the Wolf Man.  Not to mention this also stars Raymond Burr who not once, but twice faced Godzilla and lived to tell the tale.  He was also Perry Mason.  I love me some Perry Mason.

Top billed, though, is Barbara Payton.  She has a story all her own about being drop dead gorgeous, who could make it in movies with her looks, but also had little real talent.  She died only about 15 years after the release of this movie after her life spiraled out of control and into booze, a horrifically violent relationship, and even prostitution.  She did write a tell-all book about her sorrowful life called I Am Not Ashamed. Continue reading “Bride of the Gorilla (1951)” →

Ice Cream Man (1995)

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Have you got the summertime blues?  Has the heat gotten to you?  Well, I’m here with a big bowl of ice cream served up from none other than the Ice Cream Man himself – Clint Howard.

The 90s saw a slew of direct-to-video horrors that seem to feature a lot of gross shit on the cover.  I mean look at that ice cream cone Clint Howard is holding on the cover of that VHS box.  That’s some seriously gross shit.  It also featured lots of…  how do I say this nicely…  odd… looking… actors.  Clint Howard, a man born for b-movies, Larry Drake, who very convincingly played a mentally handicapped man on TV, Warwick Davis as a Leprechaun, but not that he’s weird looking per ce, but he’s a little person, and, in the 90s, that was all it took… Continue reading “Ice Cream Man (1995)” →

Black Samurai (1977)

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Time to switch gears from White Comanche and green Pot Zombies.  Frankly, after the last couple weeks, I think I’ve earned this one.

Remember a couple months ago when I said I loved me some Blaxploitation?  It’s time to revisit it, but let’s throw a little international flair into this action flick.  It’s time to kung fu kick you in the face with Jim Kelly as the Black Samurai, bitches! Continue reading “Black Samurai (1977)” →