Brainscan (1994)

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Remember Edward Furlong?  Yeah, the good John Connor.  He’s in this movie.  So is Skeletor, Frank Langella.  Today, we’re going to look at 1994’s Brainscan!

Oh, and it also looks like Daniel Craig also plays a scary guy with a stretched out face!

In the 90s, technology was flooding our everyday lives.  Computers with the interwebs and the lightning fast 14:4 modems that delivered to us super high contrast colored websites and flying toasters.  It was only fair to assume it was going to filter into our movies.  Once in the movies, naturally, it was time for it to take over horror, sci-fi, and horscirorfi. Continue reading “Brainscan (1994)” →

Drainiac (2000)

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Today, we talk about another find thanks to the Roku channel Bizarre TV.

From director Brett Piper, whose website says he’s been “makin’ movies since the early 80s”  (literally, it says “makin'”), comes a little film called Drainiac.  What is kinda nice about this movie, and some other things that Piper’s website talks about, is that this does seem to capture a feel of a bygone age of B-Movies.  In some ways, I suppose it does have some of the feel of the drive-in horror movies that were around before my time and in my youth of the early 80s.  In other ways, it resembles that “regional” film making appeal that was used often in the 70s – this would have been when small, independent movies, usually starring no one of consequence, would get made in a state or region of the country for the sole purpose of only ever playing in the local theaters or drive-ins. Continue reading “Drainiac (2000)” →

Bride of the Gorilla (1951)

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Is there anything better than a man in a monkey suit?

Well, probably, but in an old movie, well…  Yeah, I guess there are still things better than a man in a monkey suit.  However!  It’s still pretty great.  As is Lon Chaney, Jr. who was the Wolf Man.  Not to mention this also stars Raymond Burr who not once, but twice faced Godzilla and lived to tell the tale.  He was also Perry Mason.  I love me some Perry Mason.

Top billed, though, is Barbara Payton.  She has a story all her own about being drop dead gorgeous, who could make it in movies with her looks, but also had little real talent.  She died only about 15 years after the release of this movie after her life spiraled out of control and into booze, a horrifically violent relationship, and even prostitution.  She did write a tell-all book about her sorrowful life called I Am Not Ashamed. Continue reading “Bride of the Gorilla (1951)” →

Ice Cream Man (1995)

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Have you got the summertime blues?  Has the heat gotten to you?  Well, I’m here with a big bowl of ice cream served up from none other than the Ice Cream Man himself – Clint Howard.

The 90s saw a slew of direct-to-video horrors that seem to feature a lot of gross shit on the cover.  I mean look at that ice cream cone Clint Howard is holding on the cover of that VHS box.  That’s some seriously gross shit.  It also featured lots of…  how do I say this nicely…  odd… looking… actors.  Clint Howard, a man born for b-movies, Larry Drake, who very convincingly played a mentally handicapped man on TV, Warwick Davis as a Leprechaun, but not that he’s weird looking per ce, but he’s a little person, and, in the 90s, that was all it took… Continue reading “Ice Cream Man (1995)” →

Black Samurai (1977)

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Time to switch gears from White Comanche and green Pot Zombies.  Frankly, after the last couple weeks, I think I’ve earned this one.

Remember a couple months ago when I said I loved me some Blaxploitation?  It’s time to revisit it, but let’s throw a little international flair into this action flick.  It’s time to kung fu kick you in the face with Jim Kelly as the Black Samurai, bitches! Continue reading “Black Samurai (1977)” →

White Comanche (1968)

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It was only a matter of time before B-Movie Enema was graced by this movie.  White Comanche is listed by John Wilson, who founded the Golden Raspberry Awards (or Razzies as they are known by most) as one of the most enjoyably bad movies ever.

If you ask me, that all sounds awesome.  But wanna know what’s better?  It not only has Williams Shatner playing a high plains drifter type, but he also playing a second role as a leader of a Comanche tribe.  That’s right!  Double Shatner comin’ at yo’ face! Continue reading “White Comanche (1968)” →

Pot Zombies (2005)

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Lloyd Kaufman and his Troma Entertainment arrive to B-Movie Enema.

Troma is not unknown for some pretty crazy movies like the Toxic Avenger series, Tromeo and Juliet, and Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD.  Not long after the turn of the century, Troma did a young filmmakers series.  One of the movies to come out of that series is today’s featured movie, Pot Zombies.  And by “One of the movies…” I mean the only movie to come out of this project.

According to High Times Magazine, “Finally, a film that delivers what it promises!” Continue reading “Pot Zombies (2005)” →

Xanadu (1980)

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A million lights are dancing and there you are…  A shooting turd out of Hollywood’s hairy ass.

In 1980, rollerskating and Grease fucked each other, and, thanks to cocaine causing neither to use appropriate protection and the VD captured from the slutty muses Grease would fuck on the side, the resulting monster child that came about was Xanadu.

While this movie is an abomination that needed to be aborted before it was birthed, it creates a bit of a conflict with me.  You see… *sigh* I don’t want to admit too much here… I have a real soft spot for this movie.  Maybe even to the point that I kinda like this movie a lot. Continue reading “Xanadu (1980)” →