The Giant Claw (1957)

Published on by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

The Giant Claw.

I think it was only a matter of time before it came to this.  This is one of those staples of bad movies.  While maybe not be a Plan 9 or The Room, this was a movie that seemed to step up to the proverbial plate and swing hard for the fences only to pop the ball up right in front of the plate.

It’s like you should hear a sad trombone play every time you mention the title.  It’s not without a couple of really great pieces – a great performance by Jeff Morrow (who was in This Island Earth), and a neat idea springing forth from actual scientific discovery through particle physics.  However, you see that fuckin’ bird with those goofball eyes and doofy expression and everything just goes right into the crapper.  This movie is universally hailed as one of the worst attempts ever at a sci-fi monster movie. Continue reading “The Giant Claw (1957)” →

Blackenstein (1973)

Published on by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

1. Blaxploitation
2. Frankenstein Monsters
3. Dating emotionally scarred women
4. Crazy bonkers 70s movies
5. A bunch of other shit

These are just a few of my favorite pastimes.  Today, we cover some of those.  Well, except #3 (Dating emotionally scarred women).  We’re not going to cover that one in today’s article.  Well, unless you are an emotionally scarred woman looking for a date.  Then, well…  We can suss that shit out later.

Seriously, hit me up. Continue reading “Blackenstein (1973)” →

King Kong Lives (1986)

Published on by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

Fuck this movie right in the ball sack.

No.  No, I suppose I should try to be professional about this.  I shouldn’t just leave it with the incredibly aggressive opening salvo I gave this article.  Instead I should try to be a little more grown up about it.

Have sexual intercourse with this motion picture unto its testicle bag, also know as its scrotum. Continue reading “King Kong Lives (1986)” →

The Brain Machine (1977)

Published on by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

I’m going out on a limb for this week’s B-Movie Enema.  I’ve never heard of this movie, The Brain Machine, nor can I find many pictures of it aside from this thing to the left that doesn’t look anything like what the description tells me this movie is about.

So, what is this movie?  Well, it’s from 1977, and we know from things like Star Wars and Geoff Arbuckle, awesome things happened in 1977.  However, from the pictures I saw from this movie, it kind of looks like I might be in for a long day watching this movie. Continue reading “The Brain Machine (1977)” →

The Wild Women of Wongo (1958)

Published on by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

If there is one thing I’m kinda into, it’s the idea of “untamed maidens” and the possibility of being captured as their mate.

This week, I want to travel back to the late 1950s to talk about a movie that is pretty notoriously bad.  It’s kinda pointed to as one of those classic, women-gone-wild types of movies that came out near the end of the 50s.  It’s almost like these movies were in direct conflict with the reality of housewives and the June Cleavers of the pop culture landscape.  It’s a precursor to the sexual revolution that would grip the 60s. Continue reading “The Wild Women of Wongo (1958)” →

Dementia 13 (1963)

Published on by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

This week, I decided to give myself a treat.  Yes, if I look at four of the last seven weeks, I’ve had a pretty good run of movies that were at least pretty enjoyable and worthy of saying I liked.  However, I’m in charge of this damn blog so when I want to treat myself to a better movie, then goddammit, that’s my prerogative.

So let’s talk about Francis Ford Coppola.  He’s a maker of fine films like Jack, Captain EO, and Godfather III: The Revenge.  He also makes either wine or grape jelly – or BOTH…?  He also made Sofia Coppola who made a fine movie that no one knows what the fucking last line of is but I bet it’s juuuuust right. Continue reading “Dementia 13 (1963)” →

Alexander the Great (1968)

Published on by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

Holy hot damn son of a bitch mother fucker great balls of fire.  William Shatner AND Adam West star in this week’s B-Movie Enema, the 1968 made for television extravaganza Alexander the Great.

Just look at that cover to that DVD on the left.  Look at Adam West down there in the bottom left hand corner looking up lovingly at a redheaded Shatner riding a horse in his little cape.  In the bottom center, it looks like that Klingon guy who couldn’t stop with the fucking Shakespeare in Star Trek VI is in this too. Continue reading “Alexander the Great (1968)” →

Malibu Express (1985)

Published on by Geoff Arbuckle1 Comment

It’s time to dive into some Andy Sidaris.  And by “dive into some Andy Sidaris”, I pretty much mean to motorboat the shit out of its tits.

What can I say about Andy Sidaris and his movies?  Well, they usually feature stacked blondes.  They are, in some sort of way, connected in a shared universe.  Malibu Express kicks off the “L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies” series that would continue for 11 more movies.  Each of these movies, except for this one, would see at least one recurring character come along to help out the crew of government lady agents. Continue reading “Malibu Express (1985)” →