Well, because the sweet embrace of death didn’t come to pass last week, I guess I have to continue Full Moon Fever. At least there’s a chick in her bra and panties on the cover of this week’s movie!
Er… I mean. That had zero bearing on me choosing this movie – Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt. No, that was the $2.95 price tag at the local Dollar General.
And the promise of tits. Lots and lots of tits.
Continue reading “Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt (2011)” →
Just because it seems as though I haven’t had enough of the whole “likable female lead gets killed” theme so far for 2017…
Oh shit, spoilers: Kristy Swanson plays a completely, totally likable character and gets straight murdered in this movie.
Anyway, like I was saying, this week, we jump right into one of the strangest movies I’ve seen in a while. Okay, that’s a massive fucking lie. Mystics in Bali was one of the most bonkers things I may have ever seen ever. Again, let me get back on track here – this week’s feature, Deadly Friend, is strange not because of how the movie itself plays out or how completely, totally 80s it is, but in how it is a terribly awkward follow-up for Wes Craven after his A Nightmare on Elm Street revitalized the horror genre in the middle of the decade.
Continue reading “Deadly Friend (1986)” →
This week’s B-Movie Enema is a bit of a treat – and the man who made it is fascinating. I’m going to take a look at Teenagers from Outer Space.
This film, made almost single-handily on a production level by Tom Graeff, is not exactly all that well-known. It didn’t receive particularly good reviews. It isn’t exactly remembered in any spectacular way. In fact, the most famous it probably ever got was appearing on a 1992 episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Continue reading “Teenagers from Outer Space (1959)” →
The Giant Claw.
I think it was only a matter of time before it came to this. This is one of those staples of bad movies. While maybe not be a Plan 9 or The Room, this was a movie that seemed to step up to the proverbial plate and swing hard for the fences only to pop the ball up right in front of the plate.
It’s like you should hear a sad trombone play every time you mention the title. It’s not without a couple of really great pieces – a great performance by Jeff Morrow (who was in This Island Earth), and a neat idea springing forth from actual scientific discovery through particle physics. However, you see that fuckin’ bird with those goofball eyes and doofy expression and everything just goes right into the crapper. This movie is universally hailed as one of the worst attempts ever at a sci-fi monster movie.
Continue reading “The Giant Claw (1957)” →
Fuck this movie right in the ball sack.
No. No, I suppose I should try to be professional about this. I shouldn’t just leave it with the incredibly aggressive opening salvo I gave this article. Instead I should try to be a little more grown up about it.
Have sexual intercourse with this motion picture unto its testicle bag, also know as its scrotum.
Continue reading “King Kong Lives (1986)” →
I’m going out on a limb for this week’s B-Movie Enema. I’ve never heard of this movie, The Brain Machine, nor can I find many pictures of it aside from this thing to the left that doesn’t look anything like what the description tells me this movie is about.
So, what is this movie? Well, it’s from 1977, and we know from things like Star Wars and Geoff Arbuckle, awesome things happened in 1977. However, from the pictures I saw from this movie, it kind of looks like I might be in for a long day watching this movie.
Continue reading “The Brain Machine (1977)” →
Remember Edward Furlong? Yeah, the good John Connor. He’s in this movie. So is Skeletor, Frank Langella. Today, we’re going to look at 1994’s Brainscan!
Oh, and it also looks like Daniel Craig also plays a scary guy with a stretched out face!
In the 90s, technology was flooding our everyday lives. Computers with the interwebs and the lightning fast 14:4 modems that delivered to us super high contrast colored websites and flying toasters. It was only fair to assume it was going to filter into our movies. Once in the movies, naturally, it was time for it to take over horror, sci-fi, and horscirorfi.
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