Cheeky! (2000)

So far, it seems as though 2022 is about squaring some accounts. In January, it was all about finally digging deep into the Andy Sidaris filmography. For February, I have another box set long overdue for a-crackin’. With that, welcome to B-Movie Enema’s new theme month: The Tinto Brass Extravaganza!

I did not set out to cover these four films that came in this lovely “Tinto Brass: Maestro of Erotic Cinema” box set in order. I didn’t even get the box set because I knew much about it. But, as it would turn out, these four films will be done in order of Brass’ films from 2000 to 2006. We begin with Cheeky! – which is a fun title for a movie that I have lots of concerns with.

How I came to know about this film is actually quite simple… I stumbled upon the opening credits scene of an incredibly beautiful blonde (Ukrainian model/actress Yuliya Mayarchuk) walking through the park with a beguiling outfit that often shows a little cheeky flesh here and there to get the guys nice and excited. I had to learn more about what this film was and who this gorgeous woman was. I found out what it was called, that it was part of a box set, and that this guy Tinto Brass was the maestro of erotic cinema.

SOLD!

The film came out at the very dawn of a new millennium under the title of Trasgredire. That translates to Transgress. Or is it? The title is officially Tra(sgre)dire. In English the Italian word Tradire means “to betray”. So it’s playing with betrayal and transgression. How cheeky.

Hmm. Cheeky play on words. Cheeky use of skin and playful sexiness in the opening. It’s like this movie wants to be called something else in English!

Tinto Brass is still going strong at 88 years old. He got started directing feature films in the early 60s. Throughout the decade, he was generally considered to be a very promising avant garde director. Kind of scoring hits here and there on the artsy fartsy scene I guess. However, two films would FOREVER change the trajectory of his filmmaking.

In 1976, he made the film Salon Kitty. Right in the midst of Nazisploitation of the 70s, Brass’ film was an adaptation of a novel about a Nazi officer who plans to select a group of informants and put them into a super high-end brothel to spy on various other Nazis and government types. They were to play prostitutes so they can, I guess, PUMP these targets for info for this officer. While it bombed with critics, it became a huge part of the 70s sex film scene and still has an audience today.

This would lead Brass to make the infamous Caligula. Someday, I may need to cover this epic sleazefest that stars legit A-list actors and actresses. Yeah, it’s the movie that was produced by Bob Guccione of Penthouse Magazine. It was a big budget bomb that took an incredible hit from critics. But it was also an ambitious movie coming right at the end of the freewheeling 70s that featured several low budget and exploitation movies rule the theaters of New York City’s 42nd Street. It was attempting to bring this level of sex and depravity to the mainstream. It missed the mark horribly while still being quite the memorable moment in film history.

Brass also disowned the film before its release.

Brass continued making erotic dramas. Most of his 80s and 90s films would end up being adaptations. In the 2000s, as he was approaching his late 60s, Brass would kick it up a notch with the modern, 21st century sex flicks that we’ll be covering here this month. So let’s get things started with Cheeky!

So I put this disc in, right? Fuuuuuck – the menu gets things started off right away. It’s girls in a sauna all naked with tits and bush and ladies rubbing each other around their bip bops, and some are even wearing high heels. For one, awesome to all that. For two? Goddamn, it’s quite possible I gotta get my goofy censorship emojis to work overtime this month. This is gonna be hard work, guys and dolls.

The first second of the movie, this old man looks at me straight in the camera and asks me who’s in charge. We know the answer to that! Well… It’s a tie. First, of course, it’s Charles. But second, it’s our lead of the movie (Carla, played by Mayarchuk) walking through a public park on a nice, hazy (presumably) summer day. Jeepers creepers, this woman is gorgeous.

And let’s hear it for the return of an old recurring joke – “Tight tank top… You’re the tits!”

It isn’t just that this incredibly beautiful woman is walking easy breezy through the park with just the hottest top, just the sexiest, flirtiest, 2000-hot blonde hair, or that choker that is… wowzers. Oh no. She’s bringing just about every bit of sexy with her. Italian school girls are scissoring each other like crazy under the ol’ oak tree. Dogs are running around this park with their tongues out like horny… well… dogs. A girl running through the park are picking wedgies out of her ass. A woman grabs her boyfriend and pins him against the tree to grab his dick. A woman in red just flashes her hairy pussy for all to see while sitting on the grass. A straight couple are just fucking on the path. A gay couple are jerking each other off on the park bench. Another couple are fingering each other’s buttholes in the bushes – I think. I dunno. It’s nuts. What is going on in this park and, just to be safe, where is this park so I can make sure everyone is, indeed, safe? This girl from Venice has likely poisoned the water with sexy, sexy, sexy drugs because, everywhere she goes, sex just happens.

How does it end? With a flasher showing Carla his erect banana shaped dick and her flashing him back with her puss and butt causing him to run off to jerk off in the nearest orphanage for all I know with this nut-ass town.

Carla goes to see a London real estate agent named Moira. Carla needs a place to live on her own off campus from where she works as an intern at a hotel. (Sure) But why, you ask? Because her boyfriend is coming into town and she wants a place to free bang and not be watched by her weird co-workers. Think of this Moira like a sexy Annie Potts from the Ghostbusters movies. She’s got a funky hair style, funky glasses, and she is pretty damn upfront about noticing how 1) Carla is “allergic” to wearing panties and 2) Carla’s nipples are crazy sensitive. Probably because 3) she’s not wearing a bra.

I can certainly see why someone might love this movie.

Moira comes onto Carla like crazy. She pokes and pinches her nipple. She then grabs her butt and starts fingering her right there at the map. Carla, indeed turned on, does resist this. Moira tells her that her boyfriend Matteo probably doesn’t treat her right and just wants to beat his meat. This town is bonkers. This magical place called Lon-Don seems magical.

We then meet Matteo and his buddy who is a hornball. Matteo is… kind of a doofus. His buddy on the other hand? Woof. He kind of looks like someone smashed a sperm cell from Chris Klein with another sperm cell from Joseph Gordon Levitt together to create a person. But, like, they smashed the sperm cells so hard together that it fucked up his head and forced him to have bad hair.

Among other issues.

Surely this dude has a giant hog or a lot of money because that thing above? Nobody would want to be left alone with that guy.

Carla calls Matteo to get herself off to his voice and tell him that she’s got a place to free bang while he’s in town. He’s kind of worried about the price of the apartment being on the Thames and all, but Carla eases his mind by saying that the real estate agent is a lesbian who has the hots for her. Problem solved.

Wait… really?

Anyway, this is, quite possibly, the horniest movie I’ve ever seen. Seriously. I’ve watched pornos that are less horny than Cheeky! is. This movie’s libido is out of control to the point I think it is actively trying to finger my butthole while I watch it.

The next morning, Moira takes Carla to the apartment. She mentions that either her or Matteo may question the price. Moira said that neither of them need worry. She then tells Carla she dreamt of her last night. Carla, ever playing coy with anything with primary sex organs, asks about the dream. Apparently Moira pictured her nude riding bareback on a wild steed. Carla giggles. Moira takes that as an invitation to take the first rent payment.

This movie is fifteen minutes old thus far.

Moira says that Carly needn’t fear lesbian sex, and Carla decides she’ll try anything once, and gives in while also still voicing protest. Moira strips Carla down and tosses her onto a table. Carla politely asks Moira to make her cum. Moira politely obliges. After about five licks of the Tootsie Roll Pop that is Carla, their tryst comes to an end with both girls apparently satisfied.

Matteo goes to pick up some stuff from Carla’s parents’ place. There, he finds an inscription in the most common place to find deep thoughts, a metal lid next to a water pipe. It talks about a terrible betrayal of a lover. This starts to get inside Matteo’s head because he is, indeed, concerned about this Moira girl who has the hots for his own girlfriend. I suppose he better not find out about how she’s writing checks that her ass is definitely cashing.

This leads to Matteo naturally having a sexy flashback of a time he took Carla out on a boat on a river and she tossed her panties at his face and teased him.

In 19 minutes of this movie, there has been at least 38 pussy shots. This is on track, in this 90 minute movie, to have about 180 shots of Carla’s pussy. Do not let that sound like a criticism. It’s just this movie has surely scored more than Wilt Chamberlain.

But yes, Carla’s a tease and she likes having the attention of, like, everyone. This flashback is to illustrate that point because on this rowing trip, she didn’t just flash Matteo, she flashed two boats’ worth of guys too and seemed to enjoy not just that, but also Matteo’s jealousy. He tells her he doesn’t know what he’d do if she betrayed him and she keeps telling him that he’ll never know if she cheated on him.

Carla’s hot, but, uh, dude? You don’t stand a chance here. She’s going to eat your soul.

And your dick.

And Moira’s puss.

And probably finger my butthole.

She’s definitely gonna get my butthole.

A lot of what’s really got Matteo bothered about Carla is not that she said something about the horny lesbian real estate agent, but that his weirdo Chris Klein/Joseph Gordon Levitt mash-up went on about how girls always get frisky on vacation. That, mixed with the message he had that brought up that memory, has him spiraling. While he tries to find the things she wants him to go pick up before he makes his way to London, he finds a bunch of letters that were mailed to her from past lovers. This package of old letters also include a nude picture of her on the French Rivera.

Matteo is none-too-pleased about finding this picture of her. In London, we get our DVD menu scene of the sauna. Moira wants to know how Carla is going to break it to her boyfriend that they are lovers. Carla plays it off like nothing is any kind of a big deal. Moira is pissed about this. But they make up in a rough lesbian sex shower scene. Or at least that’s what Moira’s plan is. What happens is Carla, again, protests the advances and says she’s engaged to Matteo and is straight… except for that one day. When she let Moira eat that box. And then lounge around with her in a naked, apparently lesbian, bathhouse. Eh, fuck it. Moira grabs her hard in the twat and it is, as you may expect, not received well.

Cheeky! has a very confusing plot.

That’s the look of two actresses in pain over trying to figure out character motivation in this titty flick.

She apologizes to Carla for the rough play in the penalty box (that sounded better in my head than it did on paper). Moira again tries to sex up Carla, but Carla says she wants to go get a massage. Moira is not into it because the masseuse is a man. Carla likes that idea a lot. Moira calls her a cunt and starts to realize that maybe Carla is just the ultimate tease and possibly even a kind of virgin whore type.

Carla goes to get her massage and, man, there are some serious angles at play in this movie. You can watch movies with a lot of pussy shots. You can watch a lot of movies with implied masturbation and penetration. You can even see movies where women are grabbin’ the box. You don’t see many movies with full-on butthole shots. Yes, a movie called Cheeky! has a whole shitload of butthole shots.

There are a LOT of buttholes just center frame in this movie. A movie like this makes it seem almost more obscene when you see someone’s butthole. That’s where poop comes from. That shit is sacred! A lot more sacred than boobies and pussies.

The next scene of partial sexiness, partial discomfort comes when Carla goes to a photo shop to find out if her negatives are ready to print. The scene begins with playful wind blowing Carla’s dress up to show off that she is still allergic to panties. That’s hot. But then she goes to the photo shop. Tinto Brass himself plays a creepy Hitchcock role by appearing as the guy who runs the photo shop. While Carla is checking out her negatives, he fingers her. He… He just fingers her. What the fuck is this movie?

Also, please, Mr. Brass, please remove your fingers from my butthole. Thanks.

Is it possible this movie is about a sexual force of nature who comes into town and cranks everyone’s libido up to 47? There is not a moment in this movie in which Carla isn’t either around sex, inspiring sex, or being harassed for sex. I do not believe you can’t actually prove to me that she isn’t some sort of sex-crazed version of Olivia Newton-John’s Kira character from Xanadu. She’s not inspiring roller skating, though. She’s inspiring bangins’.

Carla calls Matteo to tell him about how exciting this trip will be for them, especially how much bangings they can have. Matteo, all full up on rage and jealousy, tells Carla he is not coming to London to be with her. He claims he has an exam he cannot reschedule or miss. She doesn’t understand. We know that Matteo is in no mood for his teasing, flirting, non-underwear-wearing girlfriend’s shenanigans.

Although, that is the look of a guy who just remembered what she looks like as he’s being a dick to her.

This goes over well as Carla, wearing only her choker and heels, flips out and starts throwing all the clothes she bought to fuck Matteo’s brains out of his head all over the place. She gets a call, but, instead of it being Matteo calling back to say he just remembered what she looked like and is a big, dumb idiot, it’s Moira inviting Carla to a party. This is a good time to bring up that Tinto Brass has a real eye for camera angles. After she starts freaking out and tossing sheer clothing everywhere, she’s on her knees, bent over, crying with her back to us. Tinto zooms in on her barely exposed puss. Later, when she’s on the phone with Moira, it starts on her face as she excitedly answers hoping it is Matteo, but then gets flirty with Moira instead. As she begins to accept her fate of needing to get her satisfaction from her real estate agent instead of her goofy boyfriend, it pans down and just sticks on bush and butt.

This movie is insane. It’s like In the Mouth of Madness. But not the movie In the Mouth of Madness, the book In the Mouth of Madness inside the movie. You are changed by this movie. Is it for the best? Or am I bleeding from the eyes and growing weirdo tentacles out of my back?

It could be all of those things, or none of those things. I really couldn’t tell ya. Tinto Brass definitely makes great use of the five B’s of shooting an insanely beautiful girl – Boobs, Butt, Bush, and Belly Button. Oh, I guess Butthole is the sixth B at play here. I feel I know Yuliya Mayarchuk better than I have ever known any woman in my life. I’ve seen more of her than any woman I’ve ever seen – and, not to brag, I’ve done hot shit with women in my youth. But I even know how she cleans her pussy for a date with a lesbian.

That is something in this movie.

To get back at Matteo, she washes her lady junk, gets dressed up in a hot red dress, and puts on a short brunette wig. That usually indicates someone going insane in an erotic thriller. Cheeky! is an erotic thriller, right? No? This doesn’t feel like a comedy.

At this party, it’s a lot of hairy crotch, butts, and hard ons. It’s just a bunch of sexually hungry assholes and horny women and crossdressers. There, she meets Mario, Moira’s ex-husband. He finger blasts her while dancing and she likes this. Also, this is the second person, the first being the director of this film, to touch her holiest of holes and then smell and/or taste it on camera.

Carla goes take a pisser and Mario follows her into the bathroom. Apparently, he says Brits don’t eat the box, but he says buttfucking is all good. He puts it into her butt. She kind of likes it. I guess she didn’t need to clean out that other part earlier.

Moira finds out that Mario fucked Carla. While Moira gives Carla hell for accepting an invite out of love, not to fuck her ex-husband, Carla is cleaning out her butt where Mario just made a special delivery. While Carla is sorting all that out on the toilet, she screams the following lines, “I don’t want your love! How am I supposed to tell you that I don’t give a shit about your love? I’m not a lesbo, Moira! I’m a normal fucking girl who needs cock not your pussy!”

All while sitting on the toilet while fixing her butt from butt sex.

Moira apologizes for yelling at her about stuff. Carla fesses up that she’s having trouble with Matteo. Moira tells her that men are dumb and should be forgotten because they don’t deserve women’s tears. Moira gets nice and tender as she helps clean Carla up, but she just goes on to make a pass on Carla. Carla, this time, is much more accepting.

Meanwhile, back in Venice, Matteo is not handling his decisions to be jealous of Carla well. He’s having strange dreams. He’s just kinda bummed out. He decides that he will go to Carla’s flat in London. He wakes her up with the doorbell and, of course she sleeps nude, but answers the door after only putting on a shirt because of course that’s how she’d answer the door.

Instead of being assholes on the phone to each other, they are basically being assholes to each other in person now. However, sure enough, this is the morning after Moira and Carla went to town on each other. Moira comes out of the bathroom wearing only a robe and tits and bits all hanging out. Carla says they went to the theater the night before as friends, it got late, Moira decided to just stay there. That barely passes Matteo’s sniff test. So, he decides to pull out the notes from her old lovers that he decided to be a douche and bring and confront her with whatever these cards, letters, and pictures prove.

Goddamn, even Mayarchuk’s makeup-less “Oh shit I’m caught and revealed to possibly be a promiscuous slut” look is gorgeous.

She explains herself about these letters and this bare-assed picture. Basically, she had a class or something and was traveling with other people and they were just joking and fooling around (though, this movie’s definition of “fooling around” probably includes anal). Anyway, her and this guy decided they wanted to go swimming. They didn’t bring swimsuits, so skinny dipping it is!

Of course, in this movie, skinny dipping probably includes unrequested fingering.

Anyway, clearly, Carla is one of those “free love” free spirits, right? It makes you wonder what her definition of actual love could possibly be beyond her own sex drive and desire to satisfy herself. She claims this was just fooling around and it was innocent. This happened a few days after she met Matteo. However, this “horsing around” lasted two months. Matteo thought they were exclusive. She was seeing this as a passing affair and wasn’t expecting to fall in love with him. She seduces Matteo to basically bring him back to her, but he might want to ask if she spent any time in a bathroom last night and what might have gone on there.

As she seduces Matteo, the flashback goes back to that romp on the beach and it was more than she let on. It includes the third or fifteenth shot of a person touching Carla’s puss and smelling their fingers. So yeah, it wasn’t just innocent playing around. They fucked on the beach while some random old guy watched and jerked off. Matteo makes her stop, despite his raging hard-on saying he kind of likes her skills. He tells her to write him a letter and include every instance of her cheating on him before he can accept that their relationship is real.

It should probably come to no surprise that she starts her letter as explaining that deceit is only a perception based on one person’s point of view or some such shit. Then she launches into all the times she fucked another guy. Sometimes while he was in a situation in which he could have caught her.

Matteo walks through the same park that Carla was going through at the beginning of the movie and all the crazy shit that happened at the beginning is basically still going on. You can really tell that an Italian guy made this movie because This is supposedly London. English people don’t fuck they just reproduce via mitosis. Anyway, he stops under a tree to have a smoke and watch people make-out. Because Carla has completely driven him nuts, he pictures that the woman is Carla and the guy on the bench is… well, he’s just that guy on the bench.

Frankly, it’s entirely possible that Carla got bored writing her cheating letter and decided to go outside and find a random guy to make out with on the bench in the park.

He finds out that the guy who opened the movie asking who is in charge is married to the real woman who is on the bench getting felt up and made out with. He asks Matteo if he likes his wife. Matteo seems to maybe have an epiphany? He has a memory in which he watches a sweaty girl named Nina ironing a shirt. The sweat makes her thin dress see through. She and Matteo had a fling. Nina’s husband watches them fuck and it’s because that was his kink. He is just like this old weirdo in the park watching his wife get action.

I’m going to guess that this will make him realize that he too liked fucking other people and that everyone has their thing. Maybe his thing is to watch Carla fuck other people. And trust me… He will get that opportunity if he sticks around. He calls Carla and tells her to meet him. She finally puts on her panties with the butterfly design on them that she’s been waiting for all movie to get from Italy as if that’s her magical good girl panties and she runs off to meet Matteo where the two of them make out like crazy horny teens in the park. He tells her that her lying to him brought about a loving duplicitous nature in her.

And are you ready for the ultimate moral to this story, boys and girls?

Matteo’s desires are for her to always lie to him. She said that she wasn’t lying to be overly deceitful, no, she was lying because she was afraid of losing him! He says that’s cool because duplicity generates jealousy and jealousy keeps the fires of passion burning. So with that, she swears to always lie to him and they lived happily ever after.

Until he killed her in a crime of passion after she met a random guy behind one of the trees and she let him touch her butt.

This movie is batshit insane.

I’m between a rock and a hard cock… Er… I mean place. A rock and a hard place. On one hand, I like that this movie is just bonkers and includes a super super super hot Ukrainian model and actress in Yuliya Mayarchuk. Ukrainian women are incredibly beautiful, people. You gotta trust me on that. However, she’s an awwwwwful person. She lives with almost NO consequence for her actions or promiscuity.

I’m not a prude. A girl’s gotta fuck, but come on, man… She’s molested in this movie multiple times and pretty unbothered by the petri dish of potential disease these miscreants are probably touching her with. In the real world, she’d be dead in a dumpster after getting wet over the wrong guy at the porno house down on 3rd street.

What I’m getting at is that while this is really porn, it’s more than soft core porn. It’s labeled as an “erotic comedy” but it isn’t funny. It comes across as incredibly irresponsible because this girl just shows up to pick up some goddamn pictures and she gets fingered and the guy smells it real close to the camera. I guess I’m glad this wasn’t in smell-o-vision. For every bit of the incredible eroticism of our lead, we’re led to very uncomfortable moments that made me wince while watching.

Then, on the other hand, there is this late night cable sexual fairy tale element to this movie that you can watch. It confuses you a great deal, but it’s probably not meant to take place in the real world at all. Think back to all those shenanigans that happened at the beginning and end in the park. This is a world in which sex is the primary career and currency for these people. It’s maybe just living free and without consequence that makes this sort of appealing.

It really doesn’t hurt that Yuliya Mayarchuk is perhaps one of the most drop dead gorgeous women to have ever walked through a crazy sex park. So, you can’t not watch her even though everything in this movie is weird and not right.

I really don’t know what to say, kids. This is both a movie that will likely give you some sort of tingle in the nethers while also being a cautionary tale of the reality of NOT living in the world of this movie.

That wraps things up here this week… Next week, Tinto Brass Extravaganza continues with Black Angel. What’s this about… Oh, great! It’s a Nazi sex film! Just what the doctor ordered to get past this movie! Follow B-Movie Enema on Facebook and Twitter and make sure to subscribe to the B-Movie Enema channel on YouTube to check out the various vids that get posted there.

Until next week, maybe don’t go to this version of London or you might get your butthole touched?

One thought on “Cheeky! (2000)

  1. It’s a little known fact that this film was originally released in smell-o-vision. That feature had to be scrapped after Brass started getting feedback from various theater owners re. the outrageous fees a/c repair shops were charging to remove the rotting tuna from the air ducts.(rimshot)

    Liked by 1 person

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