Geoff Arbuckle

Piranha 3DD (2012)

Published on June 2, 2017June 14, 2026 by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

Man… Now that I’ve survived Asylum Month, I’m not sure I can contain my excitement. Frankly, I wasn’t sure if I could carry on with anything other than sitting around a living room littered with empty pizza boxes while I go unshaven and unbathed and gorging myself on ice cream straight from the container.

However, the darkness parted and here we are – June. I’ve survived the darkest month of my life since I resurrected this blog a little over a year ago and I’m ready to celebrate. So! I bring to you the start of a summer full of anniversaries! Starting this week until the end of August, I’ll be shifting my focus not only on movies that are celebrating some sort of anniversary ending with either a 0 or a 5, but I’m also getting back to basics. Shitty movies that bring the simplest of pleasures – monsters, shitty stories, titties, dumbness, and a few halfway decent things mixed in. We start with this week’s movie – Piranha DD (or Piranha 3DD if you saw it on the big screen with 3D glasses to make dem dubba d’s leap off the screen and practically motorboat themselves on your face) which celebrates the fifth anniversary since its release this upcoming week.

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Independents’ Day (2016)

Published on May 26, 2017June 14, 2026 by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

The Asylum Month thankfully comes to a close as we look at another dumb titled movie that is meant to capitalize off dumb fuckshit people willing to rent absolutely anything from Family Video to dumb down their fuckface brains and think they “done seen that one movie that came out last week at the video store!”

Fuck. I’m angry. The world is shit. Everything good and right in this world sucks donkey balls. The Asylum has sucked the soul out of me. I’m not exactly sure how to go on after a month of giant spiders fighting army chicks, a shitty Sherlock Holmes, and the worst fucking movie I’ve ever laid eyes on. Now this. Now this dumb fucking movie with a dumb fucking title…

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Sherlock Holmes (2010)

Published on May 19, 2017June 14, 2026 by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

Oh boy… After last week’s utter debacle, I could certainly use a little British classiness to bounce back. Too bad it’s still an Asylum fuckfest abortion.

Sherlock Holmes, as a character, first appeared in print in 1887 and was an immediate success for author Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I could spend a long time giving you more history about the character being one of the most famous detectives in all of history, and how many books he was in, and what have you, but I’ll save that for Wikipedia to tell you all about.

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Atlantic Rim (2013)

Published on May 12, 2017June 14, 2026 by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

Round 2 of my month long battle against The Asylum, makers of crap and shit that I disdain since, like, I dunno… 2004 or something. I don’t care how long they’ve been at this. This time, I have a real offensive one: Atlantic Rim.

This is an instance where The Asylum simply took the title to a movie coming out (i.e. Pacific Rim), and modified it only slightly to give it a new title that cannot lead to a lawsuit against them, but, yet, still keep some sort of visual similarity to the movie it is ripping off.

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Journey to the Center of the Earth (2008)

Published on May 5, 2017June 14, 2026 by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

Sigh.

You people suck. I mean it. You guys are real assholes.

A couple months ago, I put out the call to action for B-Movie Enema Facebook followers to vote for what my May 2017 theme was going to be. You had marvelous choices. You could have picked more 80s horror (I subscribe to an entire channel on YouTube that I wanted to pull from). You could have picked Cannon Films. You could have chosen the chance to revisit movies from the 50s, 60s, and 70s. Hell, you could have picked to send me to the Sharknado series! Shark-fucking-nado!

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Paradise (1982)

Published on April 28, 2017June 14, 2026 by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

Let’s jump back, for a moment, to 1980. At the time, a young actress by the name of Brooke Shields was considered both a very pretty girl, and an up and coming actress. In 1978, Shields starred in a movie called Pretty Baby which covered the taboo topic of child prostitution in the early 20th century. She was 12 at the time of shooting, and she appeared nude in the film. If you were 10 to maybe 15 years old at the time, you might have thought that was the tits, but if you were older, you’d probably be some sort of sex weirdo if you found any pleasure in that.

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Date with an Angel (1987)

Published on April 21, 2017June 14, 2026 by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

I think I’m going to wish I had picked a different movie to include in Phoebe Cates Month. I mean, Shag is a charming little movie (despite how awkwardly I was turned on by dance numbers including the Confederate flag). Baby Sister was actually much better than I expected a disposable movie of the week to be. Next week’s movie, Paradise, has a whole lot going for it despite it being a pretty bad knockoff of an already bad movie.

But, no, I had to include 1987’s Date with an Angel.

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Baby Sister (1983)

Published on April 15, 2017June 14, 2026 by Geoff ArbuckleLeave a comment

Phoebe Cates Month rolls on with our next movie, the 1983 possibly-sultry-but-maybe-not-tv-movie Baby Sister!

After Cates dove into all our fantasies in Fast Times at Ridgemont High (her second film role, and if you can just hold your damn horses for a couple more weeks, we will certainly be discussing the first film role), she was able to continue to work relatively steadily for the next few years. Later in 1983, she would get another big-time part in the coming of age comedy Private School before returning to TV to deliver this cherry line in the miniseries Lace where she played a sex symbol actress searching for her natural mother.

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