Category: Reviews

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

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Earlier this summer, Spider-Man 3 turned 10 years old.  It’s really odd to think about that.  The third of Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man Trilogy is only 10 years old.

Since the release of this movie, ALL of the Avengers movies have been released – among all the other outlying Marvel movies.  DC has now created four movies in their own expanded universe.  There have been 7 X-Men movies – including an entire trilogy of Wolverine movies and a completely rebooted X-Men series.

And as of today, Spider-Man himself has been rebooted twice. Continue reading “Spider-Man 3 (2007)” →

Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972)

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45 years ago today, the fourth of the Planet of the Apes movies was released to theaters – Conquest of the Planet of the Apes.

By this point, 20th Century Fox knew they had a marketable franchise.  They hit it big in 1968 with the original Planet of the Apes that created a world where apes were king and men were not much more than beasts of burden.  There are three main things remembered from the first film: 1) the original reveal of the gorillas hunting down humans in a cornfield, 2) “Get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!”, and 3) the end reveal that Taylor (Charlton Heston) had only time traveled to the future of Earth and not to a distant planet. Continue reading “Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972)” →

Megaforce (1982)

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Ah Megaforce.  What took me so long to come around to you?

I think I probably subconsciously waited for this exact moment – to commemorate Megaforce’s 35th anniversary of release.  There’s a bit of insanity surrounding this masterful piece of cinematic art.  First, you probably didn’t know that it has a deep connection to another 1982 classic sci-fi movie – Blade Runner.  Yeah.  There was a film company in Hong Kong who put together the funding for MegaForce, Blade Runner, and two other films to hopefully breakthrough in the United States.  All of them were box office failures (well…  technically High Road to China was not a failure, just forgotten). Continue reading “Megaforce (1982)” →

Batman and Robin (1997)

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Holy fishdicks, Batman!  This week’s B-Movie Enema feature is, without a doubt, one of the most reviled comic book movies ever.  This (along with another fourth movie in its franchise I’ll be talking about later this summer) effectively killed a relatively popular and very profitable Batman franchise.

Since it turns 20 this week, and this is a summer in which I’ll be focusing on those movies celebrating anniversaries, of course I’ll be featuring Batman and Robin. Continue reading “Batman and Robin (1997)” →

Rollercoaster (1977)

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This week’s B-Movie Enema entry is celebrating its 40th anniversary this very weekend.  It’s Universal Pictures’ Rollercoaster.

Rollercoaster was simply another in the decade-long string of “disaster films” that started at the very dawn of the 1970s with Airport.  It became such a genre in itself that you can almost think of that as being the same thing back then as we see now with superhero movies.  While the 70s were the “golden age” of the disaster flick, the genre still exists to this day.  Movies featuring high drama in the face of incredible tragedy still come out in fairly high numbers.  Anything that stars a relatively large cast that ends with a lot of them dead and a lot of others barely making it through whatever the disaster wrought could basically be labeled as one of these disaster films. Continue reading “Rollercoaster (1977)” →

Piranha 3DD (2012)

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Man…  Now that I’ve survived Asylum Month, I’m not sure I can contain my excitement.  Frankly, I wasn’t sure if I could carry on with anything other than sitting around a living room littered with empty pizza boxes while I go unshaven and unbathed and gorging myself on ice cream straight from the container.

However, the darkness parted and here we are – June.  I’ve survived the darkest month of my life since I resurrected this blog a little over a year ago and I’m ready to celebrate.  So!  I bring to you the start of a summer full of anniversaries!  Starting this week until the end of August, I’ll be shifting my focus not only on movies that are celebrating some sort of anniversary ending with either a 0 or a 5, but I’m also getting back to basics.  Shitty movies that bring the simplest of pleasures – monsters, shitty stories, titties, dumbness, and a few halfway decent things mixed in.  We start with this week’s movie – Piranha DD (or Piranha 3DD if you saw it on the big screen with 3D glasses to make dem dubba d’s leap off the screen and practically motorboat themselves on your face) which celebrates the fifth anniversary since its release this upcoming week. Continue reading “Piranha 3DD (2012)” →

Independents’ Day (2016)

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The Asylum Month thankfully comes to a close as we look at another dumb titled movie that is meant to capitalize off dumb fuckshit people willing to rent absolutely anything from Family Video to dumb down their fuckface brains and think they “done seen that one movie that came out last week at the video store!”

Fuck.  I’m angry.  The world is shit.  Everything good and right in this world sucks donkey balls.  The Asylum has sucked the soul out of me.  I’m not exactly sure how to go on after a month of giant spiders fighting army chicks, a shitty Sherlock Holmes, and the worst fucking movie I’ve ever laid eyes on.  Now this.  Now this dumb fucking movie with a dumb fucking title… Continue reading “Independents’ Day (2016)” →

Sherlock Holmes (2010)

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Oh boy…  After last week’s utter debacle, I could certainly use a little British classiness to bounce back.  Too bad it’s still an Asylum fuckfest abortion.

Sherlock Holmes, as a character, first appeared in print in 1887 and was an immediate success for author Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.  I could spend a long time giving you more history about the character being one of the most famous detectives in all of history, and how many books he was in, and what have you, but I’ll save that for Wikipedia to tell you all about. Continue reading “Sherlock Holmes (2010)” →