Policewomen (1974)

Cold Steel on the outside… ALL woman on the inside!

Ooh boy this kinda has my motor running if you know what I mean, fellas.  Policewomen is about a lady cop (as pictured on the poster to the left), who has a skirt on, some stockings, and boobs, taking on a gang of lady criminals – they, too, probably in the boob and skirts market.  I bet they also like to carry around guns and point them and shit!

HOLY JEEZ, GUYZ!  LADIES AND GUNS!  WOOHOO!

Ahem…  Sorry, everyone.  Not sure what got into me there.  Anyway, I should also point out that this is another movie featuring some sweet martial arts action.  I mean, why not?  Let’s turn this month into a balls-to-the-walls kung fu month, eh?!? Continue reading “Policewomen (1974)”

The Suckling (1990)

Oh, what’s this?  The Suckling?  I wonder if this movie is any good.  What is it that they say?  Ah, that’s right…

“What’s in a name?  Everything.”

Oh.  Oh, no.  That doesn’t bode well.  Well, I can at least say that the monster on the cover of the box is fucking awesome looking.  Look at that guy!  He’s all head and teeth and grossness!

I also have to give it props for two things written up on for real, very reliable websites.  The first, is the very brief synopsis given on Amazon Prime Video: “An aborted fetus dumped in a sewer full of toxic sludge returns.  Newly restored in HD.”  Fuck yeah!  We got a dumpster baby!  AND!  AND!  It’s been restored to high goddamn definition!  That just kills me.  That part at the end about it being newly restored is likely not going to be the selling point for any normal person looking for a movie for this evening’s entertainment. Continue reading “The Suckling (1990)”

Poison Ivy: The Secret Society (2008)

Man, I love girls dangerously exploring their own sensuality.

That’s just a simple fact.  It has nothing to do with this blog.  I just like it when girls get a little cuckoo over the bone.  Who doesn’t?

I’m also a big fan of the Poison Ivy movies.

That has a lot more to do with this blog – and today’s entry in particular.  Back in December of 2016, we looked at the second entry in this series, 1996’s Poison Ivy II: Lily, starring Alyssa Milano.  A third movie came out a year later starring Jaime Pressly.  For a little over a decade, the series laid dormant until a fourth film, Poison Ivy: The Secret Society, came along. Continue reading “Poison Ivy: The Secret Society (2008)”

Piranha 3DD (2012)

Man…  Now that I’ve survived Asylum Month, I’m not sure I can contain my excitement.  Frankly, I wasn’t sure if I could carry on with anything other than sitting around a living room littered with empty pizza boxes while I go unshaven and unbathed and gorging myself on ice cream straight from the container.

However, the darkness parted and here we are – June.  I’ve survived the darkest month of my life since I resurrected this blog a little over a year ago and I’m ready to celebrate.  So!  I bring to you the start of a summer full of anniversaries!  Starting this week until the end of August, I’ll be shifting my focus not only on movies that are celebrating some sort of anniversary ending with either a 0 or a 5, but I’m also getting back to basics.  Shitty movies that bring the simplest of pleasures – monsters, shitty stories, titties, dumbness, and a few halfway decent things mixed in.  We start with this week’s movie – Piranha DD (or Piranha 3DD if you saw it on the big screen with 3D glasses to make dem dubba d’s leap off the screen and practically motorboat themselves on your face) which celebrates the fifth anniversary since its release this upcoming week. Continue reading “Piranha 3DD (2012)”

Embrace of the Vampire (1995)

We’ve come to the end of Alyssa Milano Month here at B-Movie Enema and ladies and gents, I have saved the biggest treat for last – Embrace of the Vampire.

Go back twenty some years.  You’re a guy roughly my age.  You also work at a video store.  You remember watching a little show on TV called Who’s the Boss and you very likely had a major crush on Tony’s daughter, Samantha (Milano, no duh).  She was spunky, she was cute, she was awesome.  She was your girlfriend each week when the show came on. Continue reading “Embrace of the Vampire (1995)”

Poison Ivy II: Lily (1996)

Oh ho, yessir!  Things are really starting to heat up here in our Alyssa Milano Month tribute at B-Movie Enema with the arrival of Poison Ivy II: Lily.

We started out the month seeing her as a pixie-haired street revolutionary with wild clothes and men fixated on her ass (rightfully so) with Double Dragon.  We then saw her play a sorta-nun in Deadly Sins.  Last week we heard the Confessions of Sorority Girls.  Now, we start to dive into her more sultry roles with the queen bee of all her sultry roles to come next week. Continue reading “Poison Ivy II: Lily (1996)”

Confessions of Sorority Girls (1994)

Alyssa Milano Month continues on B-Movie Enema.  For our third installment, we hop over to Showtime to listen in on some Confessions of Sorority Girls.

This movie is actually also known as Confessions of a Sorority Girl as it was originally released.  If that sounds familiar to some exploitation fans out there, it’s because it was part of a series of made for TV movies produced by Showtime that acted as loose remakes of 1950s movies of the same title.  Now, a producer on this series of remakes and a co-writer of this movie is Debra Hill.  She’s best known for producing several John Carpenter movies.  So this is coming from a certain amount of talent. Continue reading “Confessions of Sorority Girls (1994)”

The Velvet Vampire (1971)

“She’s Waiting to Love You… To Death!”

That’s like something I’d come up with to describe a movie.  I’m not going to lie, I know next-to-nothing about this vampire flick.  I will totally admit to picking it because I saw a picture of Celeste Yarnall (who played the titular Velvet Vampire, as well as the episode “The Apple” on Star Trek) from the movie and immediately said, “I’m on board.”

So, based on a picture, and a title that I can only assume indicated that this was going to be a silky smooth sexy vampire flick, I decided I’d select this as the official/unofficial kickoff to my vampire theme for the month of October.  That’s right, what is more Halloweeny than a vampire movie?  Nothing.  Or at least mostly nothing. Continue reading “The Velvet Vampire (1971)”