The final film of my Summer of Anniversaries event celebrates the 25th anniversary of Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth.
However, we’re a couple weeks early on the celebration end. Oddly enough, 1992 didn’t have much for me to choose from. 1987 and 1997 had a bunch. But in order to find something celebrating a 25th anniversary, I had to look to September.
September 11.
For a movie that takes place in New York City with all sorts of hell breaking loose.
With the Twin Towers appearing in the background of the poster.
Man… Now that I’ve survived Asylum Month, I’m not sure I can contain my excitement. Frankly, I wasn’t sure if I could carry on with anything other than sitting around a living room littered with empty pizza boxes while I go unshaven and unbathed and gorging myself on ice cream straight from the container.
However, the darkness parted and here we are – June. I’ve survived the darkest month of my life since I resurrected this blog a little over a year ago and I’m ready to celebrate. So! I bring to you the start of a summer full of anniversaries! Starting this week until the end of August, I’ll be shifting my focus not only on movies that are celebrating some sort of anniversary ending with either a 0 or a 5, but I’m also getting back to basics. Shitty movies that bring the simplest of pleasures – monsters, shitty stories, titties, dumbness, and a few halfway decent things mixed in. We start with this week’s movie – Piranha DD (or Piranha 3DD if you saw it on the big screen with 3D glasses to make dem dubba d’s leap off the screen and practically motorboat themselves on your face) which celebrates the fifth anniversary since its release this upcoming week.
Okie doke. It’s the end of March. It’s also the point to which I have to take a break from all these Amazon Prime horror movies. I wish I could say that Prime is the gift that keeps on giving, but man… Each one of these is like I’m gambling.
Like I’m flopping my dickbag onto a little guillotine and then betting on Black on a Roulette wheel and hoping it doesn’t land on Red. And if it lands on one of the green spots, well… I don’t think I need to go into too much detail about where they’ll shove my newly severed saddle bag.
March, er, marches on, and next up on my tour of shitty 2000s horror thanks to Amazon Prime is 2009’s Spirit Camp. Admittedly, whenever I hear the title I think of the 1980s slasher movie involving cheerleaders called Cheerleader Camp. While Cheerleader Camp had Leif Garrett and Lucinda Dickey and Betsy Russell and Teri Weigel, Spirit Camp has no one I recognize…
Wait… Roxy Vandiver. That sounds familiar. When I watched the trailer for the movie there was this girl with bright blonde hair with super short punk girl cut. She looks familiar. I mean, instantly, I thought “Oh that’s the girl I would be really into for no goddamn good reason and it would be a horrible idea for me to be into her.” But something was itchy in the back of my mind. Wait. Itchy? Wigs make your head itch sometimes…
I continue my tour of recent horror movies suggested to me by Amazon Prime, and I think today might just be either a treat or the worse experience of my life.
Die Die Delta Pi is a 2015 horror movie with roots that go back to the 1980s. It’s clear that the movie was made on something of a home brew. What I mean by that is that it was made on the cheap with whatever the makers could get. So we definitely have something that isn’t going to look that great.nor be all that well acted.
I know that feeling. I get that every time I sit down to write one of these damn blog posts. It was supposed to be a fun night. Then it goes to shit and I watch crappy movies and dissect them. Oh well, it’s my cross to bear.
I return to the world of Amazon Prime to explore more horror movies made in the 2000s. This one, I admit, has something going for it. Yeah, last week I watched a horror movie that followed an overused idea that what you saw was “based on true events” when, in fact, it’s almost entirely bullshit. Horror movies still do that by the way. But I think most will say that the Conjuring movies are generally well made and get the pass for being as good as they are.
Now that I’ve washed my hands of “Full Moon Fever” last month, it’s time to move forward with B-Movie Enema.
For this month, I had to wonder what it was I would do for movies. Seems like January had a series of movies that had bad things happen to good girls. February was dedicated to Charles Band and his Full Moon Features. I know April will be Phoebe Cates Month.
Well, because the sweet embrace of death didn’t come to pass last week, I guess I have to continue Full Moon Fever. At least there’s a chick in her bra and panties on the cover of this week’s movie!
Er… I mean. That had zero bearing on me choosing this movie – Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt. No, that was the $2.95 price tag at the local Dollar General.
