We’ve only got a couple more weeks of Camp Crappabuttawipe here at B-Movie Enema. But, you know what? It’s been a hell of a summer, hasn’t it?

Yeah, we’ve had franchises, comedies, a star-making laugh riot, and an incredibly endearing coming-of-age movie at a girls’ camp. But we’ve most definitely had a lot of slashers. I mean, that’s what you expect whenever you see a movie that is going to take place at a summer camp, right? Some guy going around and hacking and slashing frisky counselors.

Well, very clearly that’s what Billy Bryk and Finn Wolfhard expect because these two young actors got together to make a film in 2022 that we’re going to cover this week – Hell of a Summer. The origin of this movie actually began after the two Canadians met on the set of Ghostbusters: Afterlife. At the time, Wolfhard was roughly 16, and Bryk was around 20. After hanging out and chatting about the movies they like, they realized, fairly quickly, they had similar senses of humor. They decided to make a slasher with some humorous nods to Edgar Wright’s Shaun of the Dead.

Right away, they started working on a script, but when COVID hit in 2020, things got put on the shelf. But, come 2022, Wolfhard and Bryk got back to work to get funding. It was a little difficult to secure the funding because Wolfhard was the primary face and name attached to the movie, thanks to his fame from the runaway success of Stranger Things on Netflix. However, he was still only 19 years old, and he, along with a 23-year-old Bryk, were planning on not just serving as the writers and actors in the film, but they were also going to co-direct. That didn’t garner a great deal of overflowing confidence to people investing hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not millions, to fund the movie.

All that said… They got about $3 million to make the movie. Over the course of three weeks during the summer of 2022, Hell of a Summer was shot, and in 2023, the film premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival. It ended up finishing as second runner-up in the race for the People’s Choice Award for Midnight Madness. Again, the help of Wolfhard’s name and a fair showing at TIFF 2023, Neon came along to buy the U.S. distribution rights for an April movie theater release.

It’s kind of a bummer that it released on the same weekend as the mega hit The Minecraft Movie.

To be fair, Hell of a Summer was an R-rated horror comedy geared toward an older teen/young adult audience, while Minecraft was targeting a much younger, adolescent audience. So, yeah, poor mom is dragged to the theater by her two sons, Chase, aged 19, and, I dunno, 12-year-old Brunsyn (that seems like a present-day suburban white kid name). She goes with lil Brunnie to see Minecraft while Chase gets to go by himself to Hell of a Summer.

And there was a chance that no one was satisfied… Outside of their mother, who happens to be a huge fan on a very “burning loins” sort of level for Jason Momoa. Anyway, where was I after I went on this wild ride of a fantasy scenario with a woman having to take her two sons to a movie? Oh! Yeah!

Hell of a Summer slightly overperformed in its opening weekend. It was projected to take in a million bucks, and nearly doubled that, but it still finished 8th place at the box office that weekend. Meanwhile, it wouldn’t get much easier for the movie with mixed-to-negative reviews from critics, and a cultural smash hit with Sinners hitting the box office the very next week. The movie landed on streaming a little later and may have found some success with the intended audience at that point.

But what do we think here at B-Movie Enema Industries? Let’s find out for ourselves…

The movie begins with John (Adam Pally) and Kathy (Rosebud Baker), owners of Camp Pineway. They are hanging out together by the lake. John has his guitar and is singing camp songs. They are soon attacked by a killer wearing a devil mask. John is killed first by having his guitar shoved into his mouth. Then Kathy is killed by having a knife shoved into her head by the killer hiding in the back of her car.

A couple of things here right out of the gate that I can both praise and maybe raise some alarms around. I’m going to apply the time-honored tradition of a compliment sandwich. First, I love Adam Pally. I never have any beef with anything he’s doing whenever he shows up somewhere. This opening does the right stuff to set the stage for camp slasher horror. I’m on board with what this movie is selling me out of the gate. But now, let’s get to the critique here in the middle of my sandwich. The movie is shot incredibly dark. What I grabbed there is what it looked like on my computer. This is not an uncommon practice in today’s movies, and I hope that doesn’t bear out that every nighttime scene will be that dark.

And to complete my compliment sandwich, I love the song “Day After Day” by Badfinger, which plays when we meet our main character, Jason (Fred Hechinger).

So here’s the deal with Jason. His mom thinks he’s something of an arrested youth. He is only getting like $100 to be a camp counselor when there’s an internship at a law firm on the table for him to accept. He’s 24, and she thinks he needs to think about his future. His love of Camp Pineway is kind of keeping him stuck in the past. I guess he is kind of a slacker, but he feels kind of important because the recently murdered John and Kathy personally asked him to come back as a counselor.

But, of course, Jason is the oldest counselor by quite a few years. The rest are largely teenagers who have kind of more recently graduated from campers to counselors. Another adult counselor that Jason is infatuated with is Demi, who is a social media influencer, but is definitely a little too cool for Jason. Speaking of, Jason’s age and his status at the camp make it difficult for him to connect with the other younger, hipper counselors, who often deride him for his advanced age.

It’s one thing for the older John and Kathy to own the camp. It’s another for a guy in his mid 20s hanging around as a counselor trying to make friends with teens.

The arrival of Claire complicates some things for Jason. The two of them used to be an item, but they broke up. She attempted to move on, but got her heart broken a few weeks before camp started. She also mentions that at the end of camp last year, Jason made a big deal out of this being the end of an era, and he may or may not have cried during his big, dramatic speech. If there’s one thing no one likes is a person who makes a big, grand deal over something, only to go back on it at their first opportunity.

It’s kind of a cringe thing for the younguns.

Jason starts to wonder where John and Kathy are. He goes to their cabin to find a note saying they are dealing with an emergency. This effectively thrusts Jason into a leadership role that he doesn’t really want. He has to now break the news to the other counselors, whom he already has a hard time making friends with.

And, boy oh boy… Let’s talk about these younger counselors. Here is the primary cast of teens:

The guy sitting on top of the table, front and center, is Mike, played by D’Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai. I hate this character. I knew the first moment this guy showed up that I needed him to exit this movie as soon as possible. He comes off sounding like Wolfhard and Bryk just told him to come up with his own lines because they think he’s super funny behind the scenes or something. Just about every other word he speaks is “fuck.” Now… It’s not like I have any fucking problem with the word fuck, you fuckin’ got it? There are multiple ways to use the word. The one way that will always fail is the reliance on the word to sound cool. This is what this Mike fuck does.

I hate it. I knew I was going to be in trouble the moment he pulled up and started yelling the moment he arrived at camp. He needs to die. Post haste.

But here’s another issue… Jason is 24 years old, right? He’s already infatuated with the influencer, Demi. She’s how old? He used to date Claire. How old is she? I thought the reason why he struggled with this gaggle of fucks was because he was significantly older than them, and they think he’s cringe or lame or whatever the kids say. But he stumbles over his words with one of them and used to date another one of them. I understand that Jason needs to be kind of nerdy or goofy and thrust into a bumbling leader/hero role. That works. He shouldn’t have any pre-established relationships, or he needs to absolutely, obviously be around at least a few characters that are clearly stated to be his same age. We can’t have all the characters sitting around listening to Mike tell lame fucking stories like he’s some sort of cool dude.

Of course, Mike is about that vape life, bro.

At the archery range, Claire and Jason catch up on their lives outside of camp. When Claire sees Mike cuddling up to Demi to help her with her archer form, she wants Jason to do the same, but he awkwardly does not want to overstep his boundaries. Elsewhere, we have Bobby (Bryk) and Chris (Wolfhard). Bobby is lovesick and wants to hook up with another counselor, but Demi is with Mike, and Chris is starting up a thing with a girl named Shannon, with whom Bobby doesn’t get along.

Other characters include a little turd named Ari, who thinks he’s a screenwriter, and yells at Claire for eating a granola bar 100 feet away from him because he has a nut allergy or some such shit. There’s Miley, a vegan (the annoying kind), whom Bobby attempts to hit on because his options are limited (which fizzles out when she finds out Bobby is, le gasp, a Scorpio). Ezra is the drama teacher. Noelle is a girl who thinks she’s a psychic. Most of the time, the early scenes either show everyone partying together at the lake or bitching at each other because you can’t have a bunch of younger characters all hanging out with one another, without them taking the piss out of each other so hard that you wonder if they actually like each other or not.

That night, everyone is in their cabins before the big bonfire. Someone sneaks into Demi’s cabin and brutally kills her. As I was afraid would happen, any shot that isn’t in daylight or well-lit is nearly impossible to see during the night scenes. While Demi was murdered, I think Jason was outside chopping wood. I say I “think” he was chopping wood, because I cannot fucking tell who it was. Chris and Shannon are out in the woods about to do a little kissy smoochy stuff, but, seriously, I can barely see them.

There’s a whole thing about Bobby jumping the campfire with his BMX, but he backs out when Ari calls him a pussy… but we were also told this was supposed to be a bonfire everyone is hanging out at, but it’s not a bonfire. It’s a campfire. Uh no… I’m fully in nitpick mode.

You wanna see what the movie looks like? Seriously… This is a big moment in the movie. The devil mask killer has arrived at the camp and is about to slaughter a vegan. Why? I think it’s because she is about to try a hamburger for the first time. Get it? It’s a vice. In slasher movies, slashers kill people who commit the vice of sex. She’s about to do a meat thing… you get it. The slasher walks in, and this is what you see… Or maybe don’t see.

Is the killer carrying a weapon? I can’t tell you. Is he wearing clothes? I dunno. Maybe he’s full on dick out. I can’t tell. You can potentially argue, “Oh Geoff, it’s moody. The mask stands out. What’s the problem?” Let’s think of this in a logistical manner.

You’re at summer camp. You are a counselor. You will likely need to do some stuff. Important stuff, at that, I bet. Should you not be able to see what it is you are supposed to be doing? Should there not be electricity? Should you be able to see if a highly poisonous spider or snake is in your cabin? Should you not be able to read during your off time? Should you not know if you are about to step on a nail or a splinter?

Anyway, Miley is killed. Also, apparently, Mike goes to check on that commotion, and I guess he’s killed too? Elsewhere, I guess Chris went down on Shannon while they watched Spider-Man 2 together. Chris tells Bobby about this while Shannon tells Claire. That was a couple of minutes of screentime. I like to point out that Shannon talks about how he did that for two hours, and he’s going to be studying gender studies next year at college. This leads Claire to say that Chris is the perfect guy. Mind you, Chris is played by Finn Wolfhard. You know, the co-writer/co-director of this movie?

While going cabin to cabin to tell everyone about activities he has planned for the next day, Jason discovers Demi’s body. No one believes him. They especially tire of his story when he goes to call the police for help, and he discovers their cell phones are missing. Demi’s body is missing when he takes them to her cabin to show them what he found, but Noelle confirms the blood in the cabin is definitely not stage blood.

Claire tells everyone to barricade themselves inside her cabin. They draw cards to find out who will go looking for Miley and Mike. Jason, Ari, and Ezra are chosen, and they are also sent to the mess hall for the landline to call for help, but the line’s been cut. They find Miley’s head in the refrigerator. Ari and Ezra take off running, leaving Jason behind. He returns to the others, but Ari and Ezra didn’t go back to the cabin.

To get answers, Noelle suggests they consult a Ouija board. Supposedly, she connects with the spirit of Demi. Noelle asks who killed her, but before they get answers, Ezra returns. Elsewhere, Ari is tied to a chair with tape over his mouth. The Devil mask killer decides to kill him by putting peanut butter on his knife and putting it in his mouth. He was the one with the peanut allergy and what have you.

Ezra tells everyone that Jason is the killer. He took everyone’s phones (despite it being a camp rule). He was the one who “discovered” Demi’s body. Because he’s the outsider, all the kids, except for Claire, buys into the idea that he was jealous of the more attractive and popular counselors.

I fucking hate everyone in this movie. I know this is supposed to be funny, but everything that is supposed to be funny lands like a wet fart. I’m trying to think if there is a group of people, an age group, or a generation that would think this movie is funny or, well, good in any way, shape, or form. I don’t know, man. Maybe I am too old for this movie. Maybe this is what Zoomers would find funny or clever in terms of a horror comedy. I can say for certain that a Gen Xer doesn’t find this very good.

Mostly because I can’t actually see what’s happening in this movie.

Anyway, Claire frees Jason because she knows he isn’t a killer. The others talk about how disappointed they are that they can’t torture Jason. They also conjecture that Jason is chopping Claire’s body up into several pieces. Bobby is upset that Jason didn’t kill him earlier, based on Ezra’s theory that he killed people in order of hotness. Meanwhile, Claire and Jason find John and Kathy’s bodies.

Or at least I think they do. I can’t see anything on the screen. And, yes, I’m back on this bullshit because the movie decided to do something to twist the knife in this whole dark cinematography shit. Noelle goes into Demi’s cabin to do something. The first thing she did? Flip the light switch to see if there is power.

Okay, sure, the killer killed the power, right? But what about earlier, before things really kicked into high gear? Has the power been knocked out the whole time? You’re telling me that people, at any point in time during this movie that feels like 4 hours long, could have simply… turned on some fucking lights?

I. Am. Pissed.

Oh whatever… Noelle is killed by the devil mask killer, but what’s this? There are two devil mask killers? Yeah, they did the Scream thing. Because of course they did. Of fucking course they did the Scream thing.

Claire tells Jason they can’t go back to the camp. If they return to the camp, they will be killed by the killer(s). What’s more, they think Jason is the killer(s). They want to torture him. He tells Claire they have to try to save them. She tells them the others are assholes and they don’t deserve anything. Yo… Yo, Jason? I agree with Claire. They are assholes and don’t deserve anything from you. He sends Claire to get help, and he returns to the camp to help the others.

Meanwhile, Chris goes to check on Noelle and discovers Mike and Demi playing grab ass with each other. But wait… Aren’t they supposed to be dead? Chris is excited that these two are alive because Jason told them he killed them… No, he said they were dead, and the others are planning on killing Jason.

Demi and Mike are the killers. Why? Because they will become famous for… being killers? Mike doesn’t want to go to prison for the rest of his life. Demi wants to be famous. He convinces her to pin the killings on Jason. While they can spend life together outside of prison, how would that make Demi famous? I guess they will be famous for being the “hot ones that survived a murder spree…” Whatever. I’m so fucking done with this movie.

Jason gets back to the camp, and the others wait to jump him. Jason finds Mike, but gets knocked out and tied up so that they can put his prints on all the weapons. Ezra gets an axe to the head. Shannon goes off running with Chris following to save her. Shannon finds Bobby, thinking that Chris will be with him, so they need to go find Chris, who is about to run into Mike as the devil mask killer. Bobby distracts Mike while Shannon goes to get Chris so they can run away. When Bobby leads Mike to a cabin, Claire smashes a bottle on Mike’s head, which reveals that Jason is not the killer.

While Mike beats the shit out of Bobby, Demi explains to Jason that she is the mastermind behind everything. She says she’s been fantasizing about killing them for years. Claire comes in with a bow and arrow to deal with Demi. Thanks to the advice Jason gave her earlier, she sends an arrow right through Demi’s eye, killing her. In the other cabin, Mike yells about how good pussy feels after killing someone to Bobby, but Bobby uses this as a chance to grab a pocket knife they were fighting over as the cabin burns down around them to stab Mike in the neck. Mike takes the knife and stabs Bobby.

Jason arrives at the burning cabin to save Bobby and tells him he isn’t going to die from his wound. If we were all wondering if Chris and Shannon’s love is gonna make it, don’t worry. She tells the co-writer/co-director that she loves him. That was very important. Jason and Claire rekindle their romance. And I am finally free of this piece of shit.

I actually cannot believe I’m about to say this… Hell of a Summer is a worse horror/comedy than Return to Sleepaway Camp. Both of those movies have nuggets of a concept to play with. That one has a way to make Alan a sympathetic character, but didn’t. This movie had a couple of opportunities to live up to the premise of a horror/comedy that homages camp slashers. It just doesn’t do it.

Let me tell you how this movie could have been a little better. First, yes, have the camp slasher stuff. However, instead of creating younger characters that are acting like all the worst people that somehow make millions on sites like YouTube, Twitch, and Kick, do what Wet Hot American Summer did and make the characters a pastiche of characters from the 80s and/or the 90s. In fact, maybe set the movie in that era. I dunno… It kinda feels like the 70s and 80s were the height of summer camps. I think it was certainly the pinnacle of the camp slasher genre. So… start there.

So, with the younger counselors more in line with the types of archetypes you would see in that era, now we give Jason and Claire the spotlight. They are the oldest. They are the head counselors. One, Claire, is in her final year of camp before she finishes college and moves on with her life to do more important things. Jason struggles with growing up. He’s not as immature as the other, younger guys who just want to get wasted and laid, but he’s still living like a kid when he and Claire first met. She wants him to step up and be a grown-up. Then, when the killings start, it’s time for Jason to do just that. He has an arc. It’s not that he doesn’t in this movie as it is, but we need to be better acquainted with his childish and naive love of this camp and why he can’t grow up. We need that way more than any of the things the younger counselors are getting up to in this movie.

The younger counselors are not interesting or compelling characters. They need to be the fodder for the killer. That’s not to say you can’t make them likable enough to not want to see one or two of them meet a grizzly demise, but they get way too much screentime and dialogue. We need to be seeing a lot more of Claire and Jason.

Finally, pay the fucking light bill, will ya? We need to actually see what the fuck is happening in this movie. If we can’t tell what weapon the killer is carrying when he walks into a scene, you aren’t doing your job. Most of the Friday the 13th movies take place at night, with low lighting and outdoor scenes in the middle of a deep forest. I can tell you what he’s wearing and carrying with him as a weapon. I can also oftentimes tell you if the girl he’s stalking is wearing a bra or not. It is possible to have both mood and lighting. It’s fucking called mood lighting.

This movie is bad. I can maybe see a guy who is 15 or 16 currently getting something out of this movie, but this old fart, who has seen so many camp slashers, is getting nothing out of the movie. It’s not without some sort of nugget of a good idea in the muck, but I just can’t see what anyone can, well, see in this movie.

And yes, that was a literal interpretation of that old saying.

Next week, Camp Crappabuttawipe concludes. I have it on very good authority that this movie is going to be a high point with a surprisingly heartfelt concept within the movie’s slasher comedy plot. Join me for 2015’s The Final Girls.