Category: 2000s

Attack Force (2006)

Published on by Geoff Arbuckle4 Comments

Welcome to my public suicide note!

That’s right, Enemaniacs. This month of B-Movie Enema reviews might just end me. I hope not. I have lots of movies planned and I think 2024 is going to be a good one for the blog. There’s a new season of B-Movie Enema: The Series coming soon. Despite what some people might believe when talking to me, I have no intention of throwing my life away recklessly on foolish pursuits. But… Did I bite off more than I can chew with this opening theme month?

I guess we’ll find out in four weeks’ time. Welcome to Steven Seagal Month at B-Movie Enema. I know, I know… It sure did seem as though I would never again touch a Seagal flick after the torture that was Sniper: Special Ops, but I guess I’m just a glutton for cinematic diarrhea. It’s only four weeks. That can’t lead to that much pain and suffering, right? Right?

Anyway, I start the month off with this 2006 action flick Attack Force.

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The Stepford Wives (2004)

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Welcome to B-Movie Enema.

You come to this place for movie reviews. Sometimes you get a laugh. Sometimes you might feel the pain I felt while watching a movie and you begin to cry. If you are some sort of weirdo that thinks heartbreak would feel good anywhere, then might I suggest you get the fuck out of here you goddamn monster?

We’ve been in this neighborhood before. Yes. Back in July, we took a trip to a scenic village to see what 1975’s The Stepford Wives was all about. We return again to check out the 2004 remake starring a pretty A-list cast of actors like Nicole Kidman, Matthew Broderick, Bette Midler, Christopher Walken, and Glenn Close. Not only do you have some pretty powerful actors involved but you also have the film being directed by Frank Oz.

But oh boy were there issues with this production.

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Abducted By the Daleks (2005)

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Oh boy…

You know what I often think about while watching Doctor Who? Big-tittied Eurobabes getting fucked by Daleks. What can I say? I’m a fucking weirdo. For real, this week’s B-Movie Enema article dives deep into the anal cavities of mid-00s direct to video sleaze and pornography. This skin flick goes by two names, but the one it gets most notoriety for is Abducted By the Daleks.

Naturally, England’s BBC is not too keen about something they have ownership of being used as sex toys so that other title this movie goes by is Abducted By the Daloids. Yeah. You’re not fooling anyone.

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Radical Jack (2001)

Published on by Geoff Arbuckle1 Comment

So, yeah, back at Christmas, I took a look at the 1991 film Cool As Ice starring flash in the pan rap superstar Vanilla Ice. I hated it. I really hated it. But, because it’s me, and I hate myself more than, well, I guess more than anything, I want to look at another movie starring another flash in the pan recording artist.

That’s what B-Movie Enema is all about, kids. I torture myself with movies starring Vanilla Ice or, as it is this week, Billy Ray Cyrus. In 2001, Mr. Ray Cyrus decided he would become a motorcycle-riding gritty action star and star opposite Michelle Pfeiffer’s sister, Dedee, in James Allen Bradley’s direct-to-video magnum opus Radical Jack. Sigh…

Well, at least there is a hot chick who gets naked in this movie…

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Monamour (2006)

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Welcome to the conclusion of Tinto Brass Extravaganza here at B-Movie Enema. So far, we’ve featured a comedy with some fairly mixed morals on sex and love in Cheeky!, followed by a very good drama about an Italian aristocrat falling in love with a Nazi officer in Black Angel, and then a mixed bag of shorts in the anthology Private. Now it’s up to our final entry, the 2006 drama Monamour, to tip the scales to one side or another in terms of full on quality.

I’ll admit, that while not everything in Cheeky! is something I would like to deal with as a lover of a free spirit, I absolutely cannot deny that there is lots of very pretty things to look at whenever Yuliya Mayarchuk was on screen. It made the movie watchable and kind of vaguely enjoyable for its raw sexuality. Hell, I’d say the movie dropped any pretense of sensuality to just give us a lot of Ukrainian beaver cinematography.

Private is split 50/50. Half the stories were interesting or sexy, and one was even kind of sweet at the end to put a bow on the whole anthology. But that didn’t pretend to be sensual either. It was anywhere from 12-15 minutes of the private lives of very horny couples. VERY horny couples. Black Angel was where Brass dumped all his effort into actually exploring sensuality. It had an aging woman aching for excitement even if it had to come from something wrapped in the uniform of objective evil. As an aging person myself, well, well, well past his prime in most everything except for eating McRibs and writing about B-movies, I can identify with that.

Monamour seems to be a bit of a return to that exploration and need of a return to sexual excitement and spontaneity.

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Private (2003)

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Here we are in the third week of Tinto Brass Extravaganza at B-Movie Enema, and, so far, we’ve had a sex comedy with very confusing messaging and a very serious erotic Nazi drama. This week, we do something different again – we have ourselves an anthology. Private, as it is titled here, is made up of six independent vignettes.

The vignettes largely deal with couples and their various sexual turn-ons and either retelling stories that feature them or a pursuit of doing these things. Mostly, we’re looking into the lives of normal people who have kinks. The title in Italian is Fallo! which is translated to English as Do It! However, Fallo is also the Italian word for Phallus. So it’s a little bit of a play on words again as with the Italian title for Cheeky! a couple weeks ago.

Just guessing, but I assume all the potential titles that you can use for this film all tips the film’s hand at showing these private moments of couples, their perversions, and the tendency of these people to want to, or be encouraged to continue to, keep doing what they are doing. I will give Brass one thing – he has lovely free association with his titles and plots. Also, the Italian Fallo! cover of this movie looks like a dick with a giant set of balls. Also, the Private DVD cover looks like an American back room porno tape.

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Black Angel (2002)

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Welcome back to B-Movie Enema and this month’s theme, Tinto Brass Extravaganza!

Wowzers did things get started in a real weird way last week with Cheeky! That movie created all sorts of incredibly confusing thoughts and feelings. Taken on its face, it’s about this drop dead gorgeous woman and her sexual exploits from Italy to England. Taken on a slightly different level, it’s more of a sexual fairy tale of twists and turns in a world where EVERYONE is getting laid. Maybe, just maybe, it really is meant to be taken on that face value based on its popular English title. On the other hand, its Italian title is a play on the words for transgress and betray. Using that, it’s (potentially) a much darker movie than you think. It’s not something to compare so much to the popular Emanuelle films, but instead a much more immature porn film.

So to fix that, this week, we’re looking at Black Angel – an erotic Nazi film.

I sure know how to pick ’em, don’t I, Enemaniacs?

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