Cheeky! (2000)

So far, it seems as though 2022 is about squaring some accounts. In January, it was all about finally digging deep into the Andy Sidaris filmography. For February, I have another box set long overdue for a-crackin’. With that, welcome to B-Movie Enema’s new theme month: The Tinto Brass Extravaganza!

I did not set out to cover these four films that came in this lovely “Tinto Brass: Maestro of Erotic Cinema” box set in order. I didn’t even get the box set because I knew much about it. But, as it would turn out, these four films will be done in order of Brass’ films from 2000 to 2006. We begin with Cheeky! – which is a fun title for a movie that I have lots of concerns with.

How I came to know about this film is actually quite simple… I stumbled upon the opening credits scene of an incredibly beautiful blonde (Ukrainian model/actress Yuliya Mayarchuk) walking through the park with a beguiling outfit that often shows a little cheeky flesh here and there to get the guys nice and excited. I had to learn more about what this film was and who this gorgeous woman was. I found out what it was called, that it was part of a box set, and that this guy Tinto Brass was the maestro of erotic cinema.

SOLD!

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Do or Die (1991)

We close out Andy Sidaris Month here at B-Movie Enema with his sixth installment of the Bullets, Bombs, and Babes series, Do or Die.

This also marks the halfway point of the Triple B series. You know these movies were really kind of starting to afford ol’ uncle Andy a real opportunity to spend a little money and turn it around to a fairly big take on home video and late night cable airings. I say this because not only is Erik Estrada back, but top billed is Pat Morita as our villain Kane. Morita had been a significant star of his own playing the role of Mr. Miyagi in the Karate Kid series. He was pretty well liked and adored as a sweet sensei type. However, this time around, he’s an underground business man set on forcing Donna (Dona Spier back again) and her partner, Nicole Justin (Roberta Vasquez) to be hunted by teams of assassins

This might be a little bit more of a Most Dangerous Game type of scenario than what we normally get in this series. Maybe it’s a bit more like Savage Beach where we take away some of the intrigue elements and replace it with a more survival style of action. I like that Andy doesn’t let the series get too stale and tosses in one of these types of entries. It can usually help cut out some of the more needless complexity of the plot as a whole that we’ve seen in these films.

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Guns (1990)

Welcome to another B-Movie Enema review. This week, I’m gonna continue Andy Sidaris Month with not just the fifth in the Bullets, Bombs, and Babes Series, but also the first film in the Sidaris filmography of the 90s. Starring series regular Dona Spier and series newcomer Erik Estrada, this is Guns.

I mentioned last week that we were heading into the real stretch of the Sidaris run with the BBB Series. Spier is smack dab in the middle of her seven films as special agent Donna Hamilton. She is no longer with her partner for the last three films, Taryn, played by my favorite babe of the series – Hope Marie Carlton. Now, she’s partnered with new character with a recognizable face, Nicole Justin (played by Roberta Vasquez who played a femme fatale villainess in Picasso Trigger).

If there’s anything that Andy Sidaris likes, it’s consistency with his cast and crew. Also returning are Bruce Penhall who is our CIA agent from last week’s movie as well, Bruce Christian. Kym is back after taking last movie off, as are restauranteurs Edy and Rocky. There should be no surprise that Rodrigo Obregon has returned but as a different character for the fourth straight film. For the first time in this series, Michael Shane’s Shane Abilene returns marking the first time a member of the Abilene family has been seen in two films within the series. We need to get use to Shane as we’ll see him three more times before we complete the Sidaris library.

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Savage Beach (1989)

Welcome back to B-Movie Enema’s Andy Sidaris Month!

You know what was part of my decision to kick 2022 off with this theme? It’s January, it’s cold. It’s gray and nighttime comes way too soon in the day. Andy Sidaris is a perfect thing to watch during these cold, dark, and lonely days. He takes us to sunny, beautiful, and sexy Hawaii in most of his films. That’s certainly what we have in line for this fourth film in his Bullets, Bombs, and Babes series – Savage Beach.

This time around, our favorite agents, Donna and Taryn, are transporting an important vaccine when they are forced to land on a remote island full of sandy beaches and tall palm trees. Nearby, there is a sunken World War II era Japanese ship that is just loaded to the balls with treasure. Our blonde bombshells are not alone on the island either. There are deadly bad guys looking for the sunken treasure too!

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Picasso Trigger (1988)

Welcome to yet another new year and a new slate of B-Movie Enema goodness. I decided I’d kick off 2022 with a whole month dedicated to our dearest friend, Andy Sidaris. To be fair, this is a little bit of a makeup for how much I’ve neglected poor Andy. Sidaris should be covered as much as possible at a website called B-Movie Enema, and, thus far, I’ve only done so twice. Once for Malibu Express waaaay back in 2016. Then, a second time for the world renown Hard Ticket to Hawaii last year.

So the fuck am I doin’ around here? Where’s the Andy? Where’s the beefcake, the cheesecake, the fun, and the explosions?

January 2022 will be Andy Sidaris Month, goddammit! We’re just going to keep ripping through his boobtacular action series picking right up with the third film in the BBB (Bullets, Bombs, and Babes) Series with Picasso Trigger. This movie sees the return of the incredibly lovely duo of Dona Spier, as the appropriately named Donna, and Hope Marie Carlton (one of my faves from this series), as Taryn. It also introduces yet another Abilene, Travis, played by Steve Bond (cool name, can’t be real).

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Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2017)

Oh thank god… This shit is finally over.

Coming into this month that I dubbed something like Resident Evil Sequels Month, I was really, really, very worried about how my mental health would survive this. See, here’s the thing… The first Resident Evil is very awkwardly bad early 00s action schlock with zombies and monsters. I had major issues with that, but I could live with it just being a shitty movie. 2004’s Resident Evil: Apocalypse took that and cranked it up to about a 35 on the shitty scale. It was laughably bad. It’s bad movie night bad.

But, to my surprise things kind of went a better direction. Resident Evil: Extinction brought in a new look and feel, and I liked the post-apocalyptic landscape. Resident Evil: Afterlife brought director Paul W.S. Anderson back into the director’s chair after writing the previous two entries, but it was a bit of a step down, but at least not terrible (at least better than the first two films), and Resident Evil: Retribution was a better mix of the action schlock with sci-fi schlock and horror schlock. The last three entries at least proved the series could be somewhat entertaining.

But here we are, at the end, with Resident Evil: The Final Chapter. Why am I bemoaning the time spent and thanking magical sky man that it’s all over? These movies are all really quite tiring. I want to move beyond them so badly because I’m so worn out by the insanity that is inflicted onto my eyeballs and brain. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome at some point. Do I really like some of these movies or has my brain simply adjusted to their crap factor and I’m just letting it happen to me. It’s got me in a sleeper hold and just whispering to me, “Let it happen… Shhhh… Let it happen.”

And, frankly, if that was Milla Jovovich doing that to me, I’d be okay with all that is happening.

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Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

Oh, we can see the light at the end of the tunnel on Resident Evil Sequel Month here at B-Movie Enema!

Admittedly, it really was only the first two entries of this series that I struggled with the most. The last two haven’t been as bad. Afterlife did have some really goofy action sequences but they were fun to watch. But, here we are, the FIFTH movie in the series – Resident Evil: Retribution. This movie came out in what would ultimately be the 10th anniversary of the first film.

Interestingly, Afterlife had a huge box office take. After watching it, I kind of understand why. Again, over the top action, but fun and kind of accessible to people who want to see a little bit of gore, a little bit of action, and both Milla Jovovich and Ali Larter lighting the screen on fire with their feisty sexiness. This movie didn’t perform quite as well, but it’s kind of like saying that Scottie Pippen didn’t perform as well as Michael Jordan. This movie still made a shit ton of money ($240 million on a $65 million budget – the most expensive movie of the series).

So, let’s take a look back at what’s happened before we press forward, yes?

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Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)

Resident Evil Sequel Month carries on here at B-Movie Enema. I… I don’t know how I feel about this.

We’re at the halfway point of the month and I can say that while I didn’t like the original entry in the series, it wasn’t as bad as the second. However, the third, Resident Evil: Extinction, despite it being the worst reviewed movie in the series, surprised me in a lot of ways. Sure, we can debate exactly why Umbrella is still operating like a company when the world is apparently a total wasteland, or what they were still doing with experiments and so forth, but it was a different movie that mixed some good elements of Day of the Dead with Mad Max and so on. I approved.

There also appeared to be some glimmer of hope in the third movie’s conclusion that Alice (Milla Jovovich) is going to punch all the bad guys while Claire (Ali Larter) was going to lead as many survivors as possible to the supposedly infection-free area of Alaska. I like hope. I like the idea that there’s a chance the world can come back from the brink.

Let’s see how Resident Evil: Afterlife fucks this up!

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